The Tether
by ClasseySpanks
Summary: Sometimes you can only find Heaven by slowly backing away from Hell. A canon-compliant post-The Last Jedi Story
1. Chapter 1

"Of course he had to break mine," she muttered under her breath as she started to work the outer casing off the old light saber, wiping furiously at the sweat on her brow to keep it from dripping onto the old Jedi text laid out before her. The heat vents on the Falcon were at sixty percent capacity, the resulting humidity making her almost long for the arid climate of Jakku.

She was examining the innards of the piece, turning it over in her hand and skimming the text when the broken kyber crystal rolled out onto the page. She set down the hilt, retrieving the crystal to hold it before her eyes.

 _The crystal is the heart of the blade. The heart is the crystal of the Jedi. The Jedi is the crystal of the Force. The Force is the blade of the heart._

A familiar ripple of awareness passed over her and she folded her fingers closed over the shard.

 _Him._

She kept her back stiff, refusing to move. Her fists clenched tighter around the broken crystal, eyes watering as the sharp edges pressed into her palm. She hated this feeling, like her chest would cave in with every breath, and she reflexively brought her fist up to her heart. The bond keened between them and she was mostly able to suppress her shaky intake of breath.

"When you saw the future, what did you see?" his voice echoed across their connection, flat and detached as it had been at their first meeting.

She finally turned to look at him. He stood in profile, eyes staring out at something she could not see and his bare hands clasped behind his back.

And maybe it was that, his glove-less fingers, that prompted her to respond.

"I saw..." She cleared her throat as her voice cracked. "I saw flashes of us, together, side by side as we aged."

"Did you see any details? What we were wearing? Where we were?"

"No," she replied slowly as she tried to pull her vision from her memory. "It was just an impression, really. I felt it more than anything."

The column of his throat bobbed with a heavy swallow. "Felt what?" he asked, his whispered question clear in her head.

What did it matter now if she told him the truth? It wouldn't make it hurt any less.

She glanced down at the fist that contained the shattered crystal.

"Belonging."

She was not sure he heard her before the bond slid closed. She turned back to the task at hand, moving the salvageable components to the waiting hilt.

* * *

She tossed again, rolling onto her stomach as her mind drifted through that twilight sleep as she dozed in and out of awareness. Sleeping on spaceships was difficult for her, the constant hums and twitters a stark contrast to the dead silence of the desert. Finn, who had spent most of his life on a ship, commented on how odd it was was that she felt so at home in a pilot's seat and yet so off kilter once prone in a bunk. At least the usual bustle of human life was absent from her current situation. After the tight living quarters aboard the Falcon for the past couple of weeks, the solitude of this mission was a welcome relief.

 _You're not alone._

 _Neither are you._

She bolted upright and twisted, her eyes finding him immediately. He was seated, his body folded over with one hand curved over his mouth, his thumb propping up his chin as he watched her, resplendent in black gleaming armor. He straightened slowly, his hand dropping to reveal an unreadable expression.

 _When had he learned to do that?_ she wondered.

That beautiful, cruel face had seemed incapable of subterfuge before she had closed the door of the Falcon on it. Now he stared at her, those dark, intense eyes boring into hers and she looked away. It was a well practiced move by now. Most days she succeeded, finding his visage too painful to behold.

But _he_ always looked, his gaze feeling like the gravity of a black hole pulling at her back.

This bond.

The power that must have been required to link them across the galaxy... for Snoke's influence last this long after his death...

To think such a being had been brought down by a simple ruse.

"Was it all a lie?" she heard herself ask icily.

His face contorted and she felt a small spark of triumph at his fury wiping away the disaffected mask.

"I offered you everything," he replied through gritted teeth.

"I didn't want it," she snapped right back

"No, you wanted to turn Ben Solo back to the light. A defector that would be a great boon to the flagging Resistance. How they would celebrate you..."

"It wasn't like that! I-" her voice cut off and she bit her lower lip as if to keep more words from tumbling forth.

"Then what was it?" he asked eyes narrowed, the ever present hurt swimming to the surface behind them.

Rey's back straightened and she met his glare with one of her own.

"Returning you to the light would have been strategically valuable. I would have tried for General Organa alone but..." she trailed off again with a sigh and looked away, her voice dropping. "I wanted that future. Even after I learned it was all fake, I still..." she finished with a resigned shrug.

Her words seemed to agitate him, his body twitching with barely contained energy as his leather clad fingers dug into invisible armrests.

"And now you hunt me and everything I have left," she started again, her voice rising and not bothering to keep the bitterness out of her tone. "How do you think this is going to end?"

She braced herself and prepared for a hateful tirade detailing how he would crush them all beneath his fist. Instead his lips twitched as he worried them between his teeth.

"This wasn't Snoke's doing."

"What?" she breathed out, incredulous.

"Our connection. Snoke did not do this."

His voice was soft like that night by the fire and she found herself blinking rapidly in her disbelief. "What then? The Force? You think it is doing this?"

"I do."

"But... why?"

He didn't respond at first, his eyes traveling over her face. "I intend to find out."

The ship shuddered around her as it exited hyperspace, snapping her attention away from his dark figure and she darted to the cockpit, breathing out a sigh of relief as the planet came into view. She had found it.

 _Ilum._

* * *

If the vast green of Takodana had rendered her speechless, the white powdered mountains of Ilum stole her breath with their monstrous cold beauty. The terrain was unlike any she could have imagined and shockingly unpredictable for all it lacked in variation. Each step was met with anticipation that she would either sink to her knee or slide across the surface. She had only thought she knew what it was to be cold while on Ahch-to. Here, her teeth rattled and her temples throbbed with her attempt to keep them still. Her course was unwavering, the call of the Force leading her forward to the remnants of the crystal caves deep beneath the earth.

Her fingers ached as she started to climb, the cold dulling her sense of touch but upward she trekked, puffs of condensation escaping with every labored breath. After a couple of hours and with a victorious grunt, she hauled herself over the ledge, expecting to see the mouth of the cave before her. A whimper of disappointment escaped her as she stared into a never ending plateau of snow and she pushed herself wearily to her feet.

"It... It should be right here. I feel it," she muttered to herself, turning in a circle. Her frustration flared bright red in her vision but she reigned it in and tried to center herself, reaching further into the force for clarity

"Where are you?" a deep baritone echoed around her and she spun to see him staring at her with a curious expression, his charcoal cape oddly still in the blowing snow. Irritable from cold and exertion, she frowned from behind her scarf and marched hotly in his direction.

"None of your kriff-" she started to shout just as the ground opened up beneath her. Her last vision before she was swallowed by the black was his horrified expression and his arm snapping out as if to use the force.

She never thought crumbling sheets of ice would sound so much like her name when they fell.

* * *

The surrounding structure flashed around her as if illuminated by a dying light before it stabilized, an endless red chamber with a shining obsidian floor.

 _Fire above and below._

She was back in the Supreme Leader's throne room, the guards solidifying into position one by one and a flare of sparking red igniting in her peripheral vision. Her body reacted just as it had that day, spinning to put her back against his... Her hand again slid over his thigh as she braced herself against him and they flowed around each other like water, a tether strung tight between them such that she knew where he was and where he was going to be.

The memory made her ache with loss for her companion and the strange intimacy they shared. It seemed so cruel in retrospect... she had thought that moment the turning point, her reward for her faith in him and in the light side of the Force. How could she have felt that way, been so sure of their place in the world and been so wrong?

Oh and _the shame_... the shame she felt for her hubris, that she could turn him back to the light when his own mother and father could not. It sat like a cold stone under her ribs.

 _But not to me._

The burning walls faded from her view, blessedly sparing her from having to relive the rest.

* * *

Rey did not know how much later it was when she woke but awareness came quickly. Fighting her instincts in the black dim of the cave, she stayed still, tentatively moving each extremity to test for injuries and was relieved to find very few except a knot on her head. With a groan she sat up and frowned at the gaping hole far above her that was barely visible in the dying sunlight. A fall from that height should have killed her.

"Can you not see me?" he asked and she startled at the nearness, his voice sounding like it was right at her ear.

"Ben!" she admonished sharply, the nostalgia of her dream still clinging to her, and she stiffened, waiting for an angry rebuke. His only response was a quiet sigh.

"No," she started again, answering his question. "I can't see you..." She hesitated as she could feel a shift in the force, the signature she knew distinctly as 'Ben' moving around her and she inclined her head with his movements. "But I can sense you." She felt him stop, his aura vibrating with all of its broken energy.

 _The crystal is a reflection of the one to whom it calls._

 _The heart of the blade._

"Are you hurt?" He asked again so close, the ethereal reverberation of the bond now only a waver on his final word. She felt something warm and slightly rough graze the tender spot on her head, but the electricity in its wake left no doubt to the source. He withdrew his hand instantly but did not retreat like she expected him to, his essence hovering within her reach.

"I'm fine," she mumbled, pushing away from him to her knees and feeling around for her pack. She found it not far from where her body had landed and pulled out her light source, cracking it against her hand. Soft blue light emanated from her palm and reflected off the glittering walls, shimmering beams dancing across the floor and her body. Slowly she turned in a circle of this glittering galaxy, her lips parting in wonder at the sight.

"Beautiful," she breathed out and smiled, the force swirling around and over her in this place where the ancient Jedi had walked. Forgetting herself, she turned to him, only belatedly recalling that he could see only her.

Too late, their eyes met.

 _We will haunt each other for the rest of our lives._

A small spasm traveled through him, his hand twitching at his side as he vanished from view.


	2. Chapter 2

Rey pulled the scarf from around her head and undid her jacket, her exploration finally taking her deep enough to where the heat from the underground lava pits wafted through rocky vents. The call was coming louder now, that woken thing deep inside her starting to stir and stretch its limbs. The texts had said there were other planets throughout the galaxy with kyber crystals but she had known to come here, to the place of the ancient Jedi that had been ravaged by the Empire... a place of Light carved up by the Dark...

She thought it was fitting. She never could seem to find one without the other.

The solid thuds of her foot falls started to echo and she slowed her pace, keeping her eyes on the edge of her light as she approached a faintly glowing pit in the widening cavern. She peered over the edge, the walls uniform and forming a perfect circle, the end of which was almost not visible. Far, far below, molten rock bubbled and churned.

 _An Empire mining drill did this._

The Force within her reached down pulling her to the abyss.

"Of course it would be down there," she grumbled, looking mournfully at the perfectly twinkling crystals around her as she started to unwind her fiber cord. Peeling off her outerwear, she secured one end of the line and she slid herself over the side onto the first toe hold. Down and down she moved, letting the Force guide her reach and direction. Heat from the core of the planet made her skin tingle and sweat beaded at the nape of her neck, coursing down her spine. She had to pause several times to wipe her damp palms on her tunic to preserve her grip while her breath came in deep pulls, in and out until the sulfur burn made her wish she had kept her scarf tied around her face.

A break in the wall appeared just as she could feel her skin start to burn like when she'd not been careful to cover herself from the blistering sun on Jakku, and she swung into the space, unhooking her cord and securing it to the wall. On hands and knees she crawled through the passage, ignoring the sense of claustrophobia she felt as her shoulders and hips scraped against the rock. The Force pulsed around her like a heartbeat.

 _So close. It has got to be close._

Her knees were starting to bruise despite the protection of her pant legs and the skin of her fingers, already ravaged by her climb down, were not finding any reprieve on the crystal pocked floor. The opening became narrower and she had to lower to her stomach, pulling herself along with her forearms. Her breath came out in rough pants, the sweat from her brow obscuring her already compromised view in the dark, as her clothes caught and tore until she could go no further without fear of getting stuck.

It was right there, she could hear it calling just beyond her reach and she laid completely flat, her fingers stretching out to her crystal.

 _No, please, please..._

She shimmied forward, the sides of the cave pressing tightly against her chest and restricting her breathing, and an anguished cry escaped her lips as she stretched out again, her muscles protesting the effort. The Force inside her flared bright and fierce in a whip-like lash, snapping the crystal from the wall to fall into her palm where it warmed like a hot stone. Her jaw trembled and she cried out in relief, her forehead dropping to rest against the floor.

Finally, the crystal was hers... something to call her own, something meant for her and her alone.

Her chest rattled with the sobs that followed before she collected herself, knowing she needed to ascend before her energy gave out. Inch by agonizing inch she shifted her weight backwards, gritting her teeth against the pain of gravel against abraded and heat tenderized skin.

But she could endure it.

That was what she had done her entire life, after all.

Abandoned. Endure.

Starved. Endure.

Beaten. Endure.

Hunted. Endure.

Disappointed. Endure.

Heartbroken. Endure.

The words rolled through her head like a drumbeat, each one resonating in time with the movement of her body. And so, hand over hand, step over step she climbed until she reached the top, collapsing in a heap on to her previously discarded clothes where she fell unconscious, her hand resting protectively over the crystal in the pouch slung round her neck.

* * *

She dreamed a memory, a conglomerate of moments boiled down to the essence of her existence on Jakku. Loneliness and cold assaulted her as she huddled in her AT-AT husk against a sand storm, so hungry she could hear the keening of her stomach over the raging winds. She understood why some of the scavengers had been reduced to eating sand... anything to stop the gnawing pain that made her knees draw up so tight she could tuck her face in them. They are knobby and thin and she guesses she must be about eleven in this moment, trembling from fear, hunger, and the cold. She is not crying though. Crying is a luxury in the desert and luxuries are something Rey knows nothing of. The walls of the AT-AT started to rattle and shift, parts being sheared off as a sacrifice to the brutal God-like gales of Jakku.

There is something else here with her, large and watchful as it observes from the just the edge of her dream. She pulls tighter into herself as the weather roars around her, hands clapping over her ears as her meager possessions start to sink into the sand.

Not for the first time, she wishes for her mother, her father, someone, anyone to hold her and provide the comfort she is not able to give herself.

The watchful thing moved, great and dark, enveloping her just as the AT-AT disintegrated, blocking out the wind and the cold, leaving just a warm hum deep in her bones.

Content, Rey sinks further into sleep.

* * *

She startled awake hours later, wincing as the motion pulled at her tender skin and made her sore muscles spasm.

 _Kriff, this is bad._

Slowly she pulled herself into a seated position, her hand squeezing around the crystal to reassure her of her success. Light was pouring into the shaft from the sky above, and she could see it was well into mid day with wafts of snow trickling down with the rays. Excited to finally see her crystal in detail, she tipped the pouch into her hand, shaking it gently.

Her face fell as it rolled out and heated in her palm.

"I thought... I thought it would change color," she said to herself, running her finger over the clear faceted surface. She held it up, peering through into the sky when she saw it, a fine hairline crack splintering to the center of it and branching like the snowflakes she had seen against her ship's windshield.

Hot tears pooled in her eyes and she closed her fist around the crystal, concentrating on its soothing warmth.

 _It's broken but it's mine._

"Mine," she repeated, loud and fierce.

Securing the crystal back into its pouch, she pushed herself to her feet and dressed, taking a moment to eat a protein ration to keep up her strength for the return trip.

Though easier than her outset, the return trek took the better part of the day in her weakened state, and the sun was disappearing behind the mountains as she opened the hatch to board.

The droids had kept the vital systems on while utilizing minimal fuel, and Rey was grateful the interior of the ship was significantly warmer than the environment just outside.

"TwoBee," she said to the medical droid as she pulled the crystal over her head and set it down on her bunk. "I need your assistance."

It whirled around her as she stripped down to her small clothes, the process slow and tedious to try to limit her pain.

TwoBee screeched in angry twitterings as it scanned her, distressed over her blistered skin and the swaths of lacerations and abrasions that littered her body.

 _Fresher,_ it tweets at her in binary. _Then bacta. Use the water. We have melted enough for replacement._

She nodded her agreement while undressing and stepped into the refresher, hissing as the water sluiced over her wounds. She rested her head against the wall, jaw clenching until the washing cycle was complete. TwoBee was waiting with a fresh underthings, which she gratefully put on and stepped out, settling herself on the bunk as the droid started to mend the worse of her cuts. Her shoulders slumped as she finally let herself relax, her eyes drifting closed as she stretched her neck.

A sharp intake of breath had her freezing in place and she took a moment to steady herself before slowly opening her eyes.

In their meetings, he always looks at her face, usually unwaveringly locking his gaze to hers. But now his eyes roamed all over, traveling from one arm, across her chest, down her abdomen to her thighs and knees before traveling up the path again, his face becoming stormier and stormier with each passing second. Though his cheeks carried a telling pink tinge, it was not lust that she saw in his expression but something far gentler and yet more fierce, bordering on devestation. He looked away, clearly trying to give her privacy, his fist clenching at his side.

 _It upsets him to see me like this_ , she realized looking down at her bruised body.

"Do you need help?" he asked, still looking away.

"I'm not telling you where I am."

"I already know where you are."

A cold bead of fear pricked at the base of her neck and she thought she saw him flinch. She knows he is telling the truth. They do not lie to each other here.

 _We do not lie to each other at all._

"There was no one else with you after you fell. You're on a mission alone on a frigid planet and you are in need of a kyber crystal. There are only so many places that you could be, with Ilum being the most likely." He paused, glancing at her from the corner of his eye. "I'm not going to try to stop you, if that's your concern."

"Why not?" she asked a bit more harshly than intended but it had been a really trying last couple of days and seeing him always filled her with complicated emotions that she had no clue how to vent.

He turned to her fully, his eyes careful to stay focused on hers. "Why did you not kill me in the throne room when you woke first? Why did you clip my light saber to my belt before you left?"

She dropped her eyes, folding her arms over her chest, suddenly very conscious of her state of undress. Neither of them spoke and he looked away again, glaring a hole in the wall until he faded from her view several long moments later.

She rubbed her face in exhaustion before waving TwoBee off. Healing could wait. If he knew where she was, she needed to get out of the star system. Wearily, she drug herself to the cockpit, punching in her new destination, and jumped into hyperspace.


	3. Chapter 3

"Rey," said Finn, his voice slightly robotic as it filtered through the hologram speaker, "are you sure there's no way you can return?"

She sighed wearily, regretfully. "I can't, Finn. I can't know anything about the resistance right now. It's too big of a risk until I learn to shut him out."

"And no luck on that front I suppose?"

"I don't even understand what this is to even begin to know how to close it off."

Her friend frowned, hands going to his hips as he stared at the floor. "We could really use you back. Things aren't good."

"What? What has he done now?" she asked, her voice sounding brittle even in her own ears.

Finn let out a humorless chuckle. "For once it isn't him. The General is not well and morale is low." He sighed. "We're already so adrift... there's just this feeling in the air, you know?"

Rey nodded. She had felt it too, anticipation thick and dreadful, like the fingers of destiny wrapping tight around a limb to to drag them towards it.

"How are Rose and Poe?" she asked, changing the subject.

Finn smiled, this time genuinely. "Rose is nearly all healed and Poe is relatively well considering he hasn't blown anything up in a while."

She returned his smile, happy Finn had found camaraderie in others but still very much aware of the pang in her chest. "I miss you, " she found herself saying without having meant to.

His eyes softened and he smiled sadly. "I miss you too, Rey. Come back to us as soon as you can. "

She sniffled, and swiped at her nose as she closed the comm and rested her head back against the rest of the pilot's seat to watch the mesmerizing pattern of hyperspace streak past her. With a drop of her chin to her chest, she shook herself free and moved to the mess hall where she'd deposited the texts and the components of the light saber. The power cell was functional, the break having occurred at the crystal itself though the casing, focusing lens, and blade emitter would have to be replaced. She picked up her crystal, letting the weight settle in her palm and contemplated her options as she knew nothing of where to obtain these specialty items.

 _Salvage them_ , she thought, setting the item back down to return to the comm.

"Finn, Finn, are you still there?" she asked as the holo flickered back to life. A second later, he leaned back into frame.

"Yea. I'm here. Is everything ok, Rey?"

"Yes, I just need you to ask the General a question for me."

"Sure. What is it?"

"Where was Luke's temple located?"

* * *

The stillness of Yavin 4 was unsettling as if the weight of all the history that had occurred here was laying like a thick blanket over the surface to pin all life to the ground. The Force moved like an echo in this place, back and forth, from one direction to the next and Rey felt rudderless as she stood on the Trident's ramp at the edge of the jungle, the remnants of Skywalker's Jedi settlement spread out before her.

 _He did this_ , she thought bitterly but both Ben and Luke's faces flashed before her and she decided to let that trail of thought go for now as it would only distract her.

"Come on then, feet," she whispered to herself, slinging her quarterstaff to her back.

She moved to the largest structure, pausing in front of its foundation. This place felt hallowed and sacred, but needs must, and she placed one foot gingerly on the crumbled steps.

Her world lurched, the daylight blinking out into night as screams and cries filled the air.

She whirled around to see Ben behind her, his arms outstretched as he used the force to rip the roof off the building and set fire to the supports, his contorted face bathed in the cyan glow of his light saber. Six others, similar in age, stand behind him with grim determination etched in their features.

"I can't let you do this!" a voice shouted and Rey turned to see an older woman, her green light saber in her hand as she stands in front of children just in their teens. Three others, two men and another woman, moved to flank her sides, unlatching their weapons from their belts.

"He's been lying to us!" snapped Ben turning to the woman, the temple temporarily forgotten. "He tells us to ignore our passions, forget the injustices done to us, and walk in the light while he had no compunction to draw from the Dark Side when it suited him."

"What are you talking about? He was your Uncle, your Master. He loved you!" the woman shouted back, slowly advancing on him. Her companions ignited their sabers, and the children took steps back toward the jungle.

"Loved me?" asked Ben cooly. "Is that why he just tried to kill me in my sleep?"

The woman's steps faltered as she shook her her head. "No. That's not true. The Dark Side has..."

"The Dark Side has allowed me the power to save myself. I will not be powerless again. Not for anyone." He raised his saber in her direction. "Leave or die," he commanded.

The woman's face pinched in pain but she drew up her blade in an unmistakable gesture, assuming the opening stance of Ataru. Six more blades ignited behind Ben.

Rey watched helpless as the battle raged. Though outnumbered, the four Jedi were more experienced and able to hold their own, using a remarkable display of both force powers and swordsmanship. She willed herself to watch to learn what she could but she had to look away, as one by one the Jedi fell until only the woman remained. Holding out her weapon, she limped backward from Ben's advance.

He struck her down without a word, her saber falling from her hand as she hit the ground. His focus once again on dismantling the temple, he did not see the weapon roll to the feet of one of the teens who had been watching the entire fight horrified.

Even though she knew she was seeing events long passed and permanent, Rey still ran, trying to stop the boy as he ignited the blade and charged forward, his eyes burning. Ben, hearing the disturbance, turned, hand outstretched to trap him in a force hold, but one of his knights lunged forward and buried his saber blade into the child's gut.

"No!" screamed Rey and Ben in unison.

Suddenly blinded, she stumbled back, tripping over the stairs as she blinked up into the sun, the world again quiet except for the hammering of her heart in her ears. Shaking herself, she stood and began the process of methodically picking through the debris, trying to shut off her mind.

If Luke hadn't let his fears sway him in that crucial moment, if Ben had just stopped to listen, if the Jedi had just taken the younger ones and left when Ben gave them the option...

Rey pressed her fingers to her temples as if it would slow her racing thoughts but it did not help and she left the structure to walk over to tree at the edge of the clearing. She folded herself up at the base, her palms lifted in an attempt to mediate. She came here with purpose and she needed a clear head to achieve it.

Her body relaxed inch by inch, the force spreading out from her like the mists of the morning fog she had seen blanket the peaks of Ahch-To. Yavin 4 lit up in her mind's eye and for a moment her consciousness touched all the living creatures on its surface before it raced outward across the galaxy. If she'd still been connected to her body, Rey would have felt her own gasp as she found them, the Resistance, and like beacons among them, Finn, Poe, Rose, and Leia. She watched as they all simultaneously startled, their eyes going unfocused as they tried to discern what had happened, why they suddenly felt buoyed and hopeful. Only Leia looked back through the Force, her signature strained, though as resonate as ever, as she returned the equivalent of a forehead touch to Rey's greeting.

The Force continued on, leaving her friends in a deliberate direction and realization dawned on Rey just as her mind found the First Order. Like a wave she rolled through them, leaving them stumbling as their eyes widened at this sudden foreboding dread that clenched at their hearts. The Knights of Ren cocked their heads in curiosity at the disturbance, concerned looks passing among them as they guarded their emperor.

The tendrils of her mind coalesced, veering sharply as it honed in on its last target with a ferocity reserved for him and him alone. Her mind collided with his, driving him to his knees on the dais of his throne as she speared deep into him, unconsciously pouring everything she felt into that moment... the anger, resentment, compassion, attraction, and longing...

And then she heard it, his response like a sigh on the wind.

 _Rey._


	4. Chapter 4

Her consciousness extracted itself from Ben, snapping back to her like the release of a slingshot, and her eyes flew open as her torso slammed back into the bark of the tree. A trembling hand lifted to reassure herself she was back in her body, something within her blaring a warning.

 _Too much._

"What did I just do?" she whispered

"Well, you nearly killed yourself, for starters, by extending your power so far."

Rey scrambled up, her legs nearly giving out on her and she pulled her blaster to aim it in the voice's direction. It was the woman from the vision, the one Ben had killed, her white blonde hair surrounded in a blue halo as she stepped towards Rey.

"You're dead," said Rey as she sunk back to the ground, unable to remain upright though her aim stayed true.

The woman smiled serenely. "Yes, that I am. My name is Tionne Solusar and I died just over there." She pointed to the temple. "But you knew that already."

"But how... how are you here?"

"Jedi can become one with the force upon their death. It allows us to return, in a manner of speaking, when we are needed." The woman raised one hand, flipping it over as she examined it. "I'm quite surprised I managed it, though. I was never a particularly powerful Jedi. I put most of my energy into mastering the lightsaber forms and restoring our knowledge of the Force."

The blaster point dipped before falling uselessly to Rey's side.

Answers to her questions hung temptingly in front of her but she'd been here before and seen her hope get crushed again and again.

Solusar sighed sympathetically. "I do not have all the answers you seek, but I will tell you what I can."

Rey eyed her skeptically as she moved to a more comfortable sitting position. "What just happened, then? What did I do?"

"That was an ability known as battle meditation. It was rare, even among the Jedi, and I do not think there has been a practitioner with as much natural ability as you since Bastila Shan," replied the Jedi. "It is a subtle but powerful skill. It creates enhanced coordination and morale among your allies and sows doubt and indecisiveness among your enemies. The tides of war are changed on such things." She paused, glancing over Rey's sweaty and wane countenance. "But it should only be done in close proximity to the effected parties to preserve energy."

Rey rested her head in the crook of her arm as it draped across her knee and nodded. "Understood."

"Your connection to Ben Solo is a bit more complicated."

Rey's stomach clenched and she looked up at the woman with weary anticipation.

"Force bonds have a long, very convoluted history steeped in both the Dark and the Light."

Rey snorted humorlessly to herself. "Of course they do."

 _Never could find one without the other._

Solusar raised an eyebrow but otherwise ignored her. "A Force bond allows for communication of feelings, thoughts, and images across distances. Through such connections, a person's will could bolster the other or allow them to draw upon the other person's strengths for their own use. If a bonded pair are fighting alongside one another, their coordination is enhanced, allowing them to be more effective against greater odds."

Rey immediately thought back to the Emperor's throne room and the tether she had felt between them, the one that still thrummed to its other end across the galaxy.

"It can be quite parasitic, though. The Sith referred to it as a Force Chain. The more powerful among them would bind a strong apprentice and suffuse them with their personality, their thoughts and emotions, using their power to dominate the connection. It would not be long until the apprentice was just an extension of the will of the Master. The Jedi mostly avoided bonds as it created attachment to another person, leaving them open to passions and prejudice. When it did happen among them, it was usually formed over time with great understanding and trust of one another."

Rey swallowed thickly against the dryness in her throat. "Did he do this to me? To try to turn me?" she asked, but it did not feel right on her tongue. He had seemed just as shocked as she was at their connection though more so with curiosity than disdain. "Or was it Snoke all along?"

"While minds can be temporarily melded, a true bond cannot be created by a third party," replied Solusar shaking her head. "You and Ben did this to each other."

"Me? I-" sputtered Rey, indignant. "I barely know how to use the Force!"

"And yet you just reached across the galaxy to influence the minds of everyone in the Resistance and the First Order before using the bond to flood Kylo Ren with your emotions."

Rey's jaw opened to protest before she snapped it shut again.

"Sometimes," started the woman again, more gently, "bonds were created instantly and unintentionally between two powerful Force users with an affinity for," her voice trailed off as she seemed to run through possible responses, "a more cerebral use of the Force. There were documented cases of a bond forming after one person extensively healed another, or-"

"When one invaded their thoughts," finished Rey, the interrogation room on Starkiller base resurfacing in her vision. She recalled how their minds pressed against one another until something on both sides gave way, interlocking and sliding passed as they tore through one another and left part of themselves behind.

The woman nodded. "The stronger in the Force, the deeper the bond."

"Can," started Rey but paused to close her eyes and take a deep breath. "Can it be broken?"

Solusar frowned. "Yes, but neither way is pleasant and you would suffer greatly."

"Tell me."

"He can die, by your hand or another's, it does not matter, but you will feel him like the phantom of something lost for the rest of your life. Some bond survivors are driven mad and most never again command the use of the Force like they once did," she replied academically, as if reciting from a text. "Or you can sever yourself from the Force completely and irrevocably. He will feel your loss the same as if you had died."

She blinked back the tears in her eyes, the weight of this thing between them rendering her mute.

"Rey, may I ask you something?"

She did not respond, which Solusar took as acquiescence.

"Do you even want to break it?"

She tried to say 'yes' but the word caught in her throat. Even if she risked the mental damage of the act, she wasn't sure she could kill him. The opportunity had been there, clear and open after the explosion in the throne room with the stakes higher than they had ever been, and yet...

She had told herself she did not do it because killing him would just leave a vacuum another would step into and the devil she knew was better than the one she did not. But now, she realized, it was because she still had hope that he could save himself and be the person he was within their bond, a mesmerizing contradiction of light and dark in harmony instead of the vacillating tipping of scales he was without.

She felt him awaken in the back of her mind as her thoughts flowed about him. He is curious and watchful, the Thing from her dream.

She imagined him before her, dull-eyed and placid, clad in the brown robes of a Master Jedi, the very picture of reformation to the Light.

And she recoils.

That was never Ben Solo. That would never be Ben Solo. To ask that of him was demanding failure.

A new image replaced the one of him and she knows it comes from his mind, reactive and unintentional.

It is of her, black leather armor covering her form, contrasting against pale, nearly translucent skin as she holds a saber the color of blood out at her side. The face is both hers and not, all softness gone with lips twisted in a cold, cruel smile, and coal-rimmed eyes that find everything lacking under their golden glow.

She was surprised to feel his revulsion mirror her own and she is quickly bombarded with images... the smattering of freckles across her cheeks standing out against golden skin, her brown eyes soft as they flick to his mouth and the fire that burns underneath, her smile in the cave on Ilum with blue light dancing over her face...

A warmth spreads in her chest, chasing away the sickening image of her as a Sith, and she is unsure if its her feeling or his. Then, as suddenly as they started, the impressions are gone, leaving behind an echo of chagrin that tells her he did not intend for her to see them, these things he identifies distinctly as _'Rey'_.

She comes back to herself as he pulls away from her mind but Solusar is already gone.

"No," she answered the air around her. "I do not."

* * *

The echoes of the Force had dimmed and focused since her interaction with Master Solusar. She pushed up with groan, thinking that sleeping in a vat of Bacta once this damn war was over didn't sound like a terrible idea, and followed the call past the charred temple to a row of dilapidated huts. Over rocks and through tall grass she stepped until the Force halted her progress at the most remote and thoroughly demolished of the houses

The foundation appeared small to her as she looked it over, head cocking to the side as she tried to imagine him and his bulk curling up in such a space.

"No wonder you are so grumpy all the time. After sleeping nose to knees for several-odd years, your back must be killing you," she muttered, unintentionally directing the thought down the bond, and instantly regretted it as she felt his brief shock followed by understanding.

 _You're on Yavin 4._

"Farking shavit!" she growled, too angry at herself to enjoy his surprise at her use of such foul language. She pushed him away and out of her mind, relieved to find she actually could and extended her hand, using the Force to expel the brick and mortar and decayed organic husks from the site. She stepped inside and lifted a partially collapsed table, pleased to see a few items well preserved underneath. She crouched to examine a stone box on the floor, her fingers singing with the Force as they wiped the dust from the latch. Inside, unused lightsaber pieces of varying size and materials looked on from their meticulously kept slots, and her jaw dropped, not believing her good fortune.

 _He was experimenting with different lenses and emitters._

Her smile faltered.

 _No casings though. But its a start._

She closed the box and secured the latch, moving to depart when something else caught her eye. She lifted a rotting blanket and removed an odd wooden box with perforations all in the lid. She frowned, wondering if it had contained a little pet or something, her curiosity getting the better of her as she opened it for examination. Multiple metal-tipped, bone-colored cylinders rattled around inside over a little black bottle and a metal stand. While not ostentatious, the items had a certain simple beauty to them that called to her scavenging instincts. Without giving it too much thought, she balanced it on top of the rest of her haul and stood to make her way back to the ship.


	5. Chapter 5

She dreamed of the island, same as she had for so many nights on Jakku, but it was different now and felt empty as she stood on the rocky precipice. She thought she would find something here, had been sure...That hope had been her salvation, a reason to get up in the morning along with her parents return.

But both were just empty promises, lies she had told herself to find comfort and meaning. And now Luke Skywalker was dead, the Resistance decimated, and she in self imposed exile telling herself that her duty was to preserve the way of the Jedi. This was her purpose.

It tasted like another lie.

A traitorous part of her wanted to talk to _him_ about it, the person who had no qualms about distributing truth as he saw it. The link between them was even more pronounced after she had touched his mind but he kept his end clamped down, only the tenor of his thoughts reaching her. It felt discordant and tense, like a wire fraying under the strain.

She peered over the edge of the cliff, looking down into the entrance of the underground cave, the crashing waves slowly lapping at the edge of the cavern. She understood now.

When she asked to see her parents, she was really asking a question she herself had been asked so many times.

 _Who am I?_

While ooking to her past for the guidance to lead her forward, it had showed her.

 _I have to decide for myself._

She scoffed and sighed. What an awful long way to go for such an cryptic, unhelpful answer.

The roar of the waves was starting to pound at her head and she backed away from the undulating ocean only to stumble and fall backward into nothing.

She awoke with a start, sitting up so quickly, she nearly struck her head on the bunk above. And there he was, his posture stiffening as he sensed her in return and she felt him try to withdraw further. However, whatever measure of control they had found over the mental link did not extend to this physical one and they both remained in each other's presence.

He took a moment to compose himself, straightening the sleeves on his smoke colored tunic before turning to meet her gaze, something rigid in his frame that suggested a quick enough movement would tear him apart.

"What did you do to my crew?" he asked his eyes focusing just to the right of her head. She followed his line of sight before looking back at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Are you speaking to me?"

Annoyance flashed across his face as he finally looked at her. "What did you do?" he repeated through clenched teeth.

She swore she could feel the implied ' _to me_ ' added in her head.

She chewed the inside of her cheek, arms folding across her chest as she refused to answer. She wouldn't lie to him, but that did not mean she had to offer herself up like a porg to a predator.

"They felt you, you know, the Knights of Ren," he said, voice low when she still hadn't spoken. "They know you now. They know what you feel like in the Force."

"What does that matter?" she snapped. "They were always going to try to kill me."

"They woul-" he started to shout, his hand reaching out to her before he cut himself off abruptly, arm falling back at his side. "You're right. It doesn't matter." He paced, one hand threading through his black hair. "We have to find a way to end this. This connection between us has served its purpose."

His words stung and she stood from the the bunk to hide her flinch. "I've been looking into it myself," she said, ignoring the way his head snapped up to her, "and you have two options. You can cut yourself off from the Force forever..." He scoffed and waved his hand dismissively.

"Or you can kill me."

He stilled, his eyes boring into hers to discern any signs of duplicity and she returned it, her face a careful neutral mask. Finally, he shook his head.

"No. If I can shut you out of my mind, I can stop these... meetings." His eyes flicked over her and he marched past, the connection fluttering closed behind him. She let her anger flare white hot down the bond, a parting reminder to him that he wasn't as closed off as he'd like to think.

He did not speak to her the next time they connected, instead quickly exiting whatever area he occupied in an attempt to be rid of her. But he only reappeared in her space, eyes glancing over briefly in a combination of exasperation and dismay. She imagined she must be quite the specter to him, haunting the corner of every room he passes through.

His side of the bond grew more agitated with every passing day, like a high note held way too long. Every session he looked paler, hair more drab, and his mouth drawn in a perpetual scowl. His eyes, however, seemed to burn more than ever.

Rey recalled once when she'd seen a man drown in quicksand, too far out for anyone to lend aid. His hands had scrabbled for purchase, his voice quiet except for a strangled breath as he tried to keep his head above the line.

Ben reminded her of that man, a desperation behind in him that made her apprehensive, though more for herself or him, she could not say.

"You have that look in your eyes," she told him at their last meeting, "from that night in the forest."

Again, as he had for weeks, he turned away.

* * *

A recent supply run had yielded a promising prospect for a replacement casing at junker's shop. It was just an inlet pipe from the busted engine of a Bravo 1 but she was relieved when it turned out to be close to the the right size. It took the better part of two days to cut the needed holes, wire the components, and solder it closed but she was pleased as she lifted it for inspection. It was crude and heavy, a shadow of what Luke's saber had been, but she decided it would do for now, function and practicality winning over asthetics.

"Well, TwoBee, no time like the present," she said to the droid as she pushed back from the table, saber hilt in hand. She thumbed the switch, the metal heating and vibrating in her hand as a brilliant white beam erupted.

An incredulous cry escaped her as she looked on, a grin breaking across her face like it hadn't since the cave on Ilum. It fell almost as rapidly as it appeared, though, her eyes taking in the beam as it licked and hissed in the air, the metal in her hand becoming uncomfortably hot.

"Kriff," she muttered as she fumbled for the off switch but she was too late. The back of the hilt exploded as a second beam shot out, even more unstable than the first. It lasted only a second before it destroyed the power cell, both beams shorting out, and Rey dropped it, the scorching metal burning the palm of her hand.

"No, no, no," she whispered, kneeling next her destroyed work, face flush with frustration. The crystal and lens were unharmed but the emitter had shorted out and the power cell and the casing were burned completely through.

 _Two days worth of work and you have fewer resources than you started with._

She let the burned items roll from her fingertips to land with a clunk on the floor as she pinched the bridge of her nose with her damaged hand.

It had looked like his, she knew, white instead of red but angry and spitting just the same from her cracked crystal.

 _The cross guards are vents_ , she realized.

Chiding herself for her stupidity, she stood, reaching for the stone box to pull out the partial cell tucked in the back when her hand froze midway. She felt something, far away in the Force, like thunder on the horizon. She turned to face it just as it washed over her, beautiful and bright, and left the Force rippling in its wake.

Rey clutched her burned fist to her chest as the wall on the other side of the bond fell, flooding her with raw, breath-taking emotion and she knew... without a doubt she knew.

Leia Organa had become one with the Force.


	6. Chapter 6

She had just finished winding the bandage around her hand when she felt it, the distinctive brush of the Force that told her the bond was about to open to its fullest. Taking a moment, she swiped at the tear tracks that were still on her face, and turned, not even sure of what she hoped to find anymore.

He sat facing away from her, his long frame bowed over his knees with his dark hair obscuring his face. Motionless, he was the eye in the maelstrom of his emotions, each of them pinging against Rey like shrapnel, striking and moving on before she could really grasp their meaning. He looked like a wounded animal, huddled in on himself for protection, and radiating a viciousness that made her hesitant to speak. A slight turn of his head was the only indication he had even registered her presence.

She nervously plucked at the bandage on her hand, uncertain if anything she did would be welcome. He had been so cold to her this last month and his relationship with his mother was something they had never discussed. She supposed it didn't matter. No words were coming to her regardless of any context she tried to presume.

Slowly, deliberately, she moved forward, only vaguely noticing how her surroundings morphed with each step, the soft lighting shifting to a harsher one, tones of blue shading it instead of golden warmth. The bench he sat on solidified, then the grey walls behind him, but it wasn't until her boots clicked against the metal tile on the floor that he straightened, looking at her from over his shoulder.

The manic desperation in his eyes was gone as he followed her steps, something akin to resignation newly settling in their depths and he did not stir when she got within arms reach. She sat behind him on the bench, close enough that her back touched his, and their breaths synced in opposition. His body pressed against hers and she to him with every inhalation, the only spot of warmth in his sterile and sparse room. His emotions calmed slightly, their roar becoming a gust, but still too changeable for her to hold on to. Instinct told her to let her head fall back, rest it between his shoulder blades.

His next breath lifted her jerkily as it hitched before he smoothly exhaled and she turned her head to the same side as his, her ear grazing against his shirt. She had no idea what she was doing with this strange way she was attempting to provide comfort, but it seemed to be working, his emotions no longer stinging against her, but instead floating on currents around them. She closed her eyes, focusing on the faint thrum of his heart against her back and this feeling between them, the unnamed one that had been an undercurrent to all their interactions... the one that dominated in her little hut on Ahch-To.

 _Stars_ , how she had missed it.

The muscles of his back shifted underneath her as he moved.

"Rey?" he asked in a hoarse whisper.

"Yes?" she asked.

His reply came not in words but a memory he projected into her head. It was of him crashing to his knees in his throne room as she opened the mental connection between them, pouring herself into him through it. It had not been painful, not in the physical sense, and he had felt he had gained something from it... something he wanted to share with her now.

He was asking permission to do the same.

She bit her lip in apprehension, recalling what Master Solusar had told her about the Sith and the use of the bond like a shackle.

But she had been the one to do it first and she had not asked his permission. He waited patiently, his breaths lifting her every few seconds.

She leaned forward, wrapping her fingers around the bench to steady herself and relaxed her mind to let him in unfettered.

"Okay."

It felt as if she'd left her body along with the word, memories and feelings that were not her own rushing in, running together like rain against stone.

He was a child being lifted and spun by a radiant Leia, sparkling peals of laughter echoing around them. Her heart clenched as next he was with Han Solo, sitting on his lap in the Falcon as he explained the different controls, and Chewbacca grunted conversationally behind them.

"I know. He's going to be a natural, Chewie. It's in his blood."

The world blurs and he is waking, a dark shadow creeping across the room, and milky blue eyes seeming to watch even as he hides under the covers.

 _They have left you all alone._

He screams and it is a droid that responds. An unfathomable sadness fills her when she realizes neither Leia or Han or coming.

He holds Leia's hand as they leave her office for the day. She can hear whispers but when she looks to find their source, she only catches furtive glances and suspicious eyes.

 _Son of a smuggler… tainted blood… Corellian filth… what a peculiar child… I don't like the look of him_

He grips Leia's fingers tighter.

She can feel something warm trickling from her nose and her cheek hurts something awful but all she can focus on is the person suspended in front of her, fear radiating from the teenager's eyes as he struggles to breathe. The other children around them are frozen, mouths hanging open in shock at the scene before them. In the distance she can hear a scream, but no one will come near them. A voice in her head hisses with malevolent glee.

 _Yes. He struck you. He deserves it._

"Ben!" she hears Han shout as he bursts through the line but skids to a stop, the look on his face complete devastation as he glances from his son to the other child. To Rey it appears as if all his worst fears have come true, manifest in a single moment on an otherwise innocuous sunny day. Leia is right behind him, stopping only briefly to assess the situation before she moves to block Ben's view of the gasping child.

"Let him go, Ben," she says calmly, crouching down to be on eye level. Reaching out, she grazes her fingers against his bruised cheek. Rey wants to let him go but the hissing voice grows more insistent.

 _He has earned this. Lessons must be taught._

Leia's brow furrows, a sadness filling her eyes as she moves her hand higher, hiding the subtle gesture as brushing back his hair. The Force washes over them and Ben goes unconscious.

They are stepping off the ramp of the Falcon, Han and Leia at his side, and the humidity of this jungle planet already making her sweaty and uncomfortable. Luke lowers his hood from where he waits and moves forward to greet them. He remains silent as his mother and uncle hug and his father claps Luke on the back. Her attention is drawn up as Luke places one hand firmly on their shoulder and smiles kindly.

"Hello Ben."

She looks at him and feels a rush of admiration and hope come from Ben. He hopes that maybe he can stop him from making Leia so sad and Han so worried. Maybe he can even stop the voices.

"Hello Uncle Luke."

"Master Luke, Ben. It is Master now," corrects Leia gently.

"Master Luke," he echoes, fingers wrapping tightly around the golden dice in his pocket.

He is the youngest on Yavin 4 for a while, but already stronger than the rest. Slowly Luke's praise develops a hesitant quality as his powers grow.

 _He looks at you like your father. All weak men fear greatness._

He sticks his fingers in his ears and hums. The voice just laughs.

He wonders when his parents will visit. He thought things would be different here once he was around others sensitive to the Force but he is still an outsider, he is still lonely. This wasn't what he wanted.

 _No matter. A God does not concern himself with ants._

He sits through innumerable lectures and meditations about the Dark Side… avoid temptation, eschew attachment, let go of passions, seek knowledge, conquer fear… words he could recite in his sleep… but he looks around and sees none of these Jedi try to conquer their fear of him, none who try to know him, or let go of their suspicions.

 _Hypocrites,_ he thinks as he watches Master Tionne and Master Kam sneak off together, as he senses Luke think of Leia and Han, and as the other apprentices avoid him.

 _There is no light,_ the voice says. _Only a sanctimonious illusion created by those who lie to themselves and everyone else._

Luke tells him it was he who suggested that Leia and Han not visit for a while, that maybe it will help him adhere to the Jedi code, that it will soothe some of the turmoil Luke feels within him. Ben can't decide who he is angrier with… Luke, for the advice, or his parents for listening.

He has gone into the jungle alone to think, to process what he has just learned.

Darth Vader was his grandfather.

His heart pounds against his ribs as he hears the voice again.

 _And you, my legacy, will complete my work. You will have to go farther, you will have to sacrifice even more than you can imagine, and you will suffer. But so is the price of greatness, of shaping the reality of which we live._

"Ben!" calls Master Luke as he finds him in the clearing. "We need to talk."

The next few memories are a kaleidoscopic whirlwind and they send her reeling. Luke's betrayal the night of the temple, the defection of himself and the knights, their meeting with Snoke, and the start of his training... scene after scene of pain, fighting, beatings, mental anguish all the while his soul hardens and crystallizes under Snoke's tutelage. He claims and defends the title of Master of the Knights of Ren through battle and blood and sweat as they are all shaped into the blunt instruments of the First Order. Finally, the barrage of memories slow their breakneck pace, allowing Rey to take a breath as she processes the horrors she's seen, the pain that Snoke found "most instructive".

He fashions the mask and becomes Kylo Ren.

The fear in people's eyes when they look at him has reverence and obedience now instead of condescension and disgust.

 _Fear is the true uniting force, Lord Ren. Love leads only to weakness and destruction._

It is unpleasant but he feels like he is living in truth about who and what he is, that he is not fighting the dark parts of himself anymore. He feels free, he feels he has purpose... to unite the galaxy in peace, dismantle the corrupt republic, and to bring balance to the Force by destroying the Jedi that pervert it.

But just as the dark used to eat away at him, so now does the light, manifesting in moments of compassion and unease with the course of the First Order. He was vocal in his dissent of the construction of Starkiller Base, citing the failures of the previous Death Stars, while thinking of the destruction of Alderaan and the tears in his mother's eyes when she spoke of her home world. Snoke punishes him greatly for this weakness and reminds him of his place in the Order.

He is driving his saber through the back of the last of this batallion's men, his knights behind him as the rain beats against them on this desolate planet when the lightning flashes and there is a figure... a woman, perhaps, is the best he can tell from the brief illumination.

He steps toward her, preparing to attack but she is gone. He can feel the stares of his men on his back as they had just watched him charge at nothing.

But Rey, she knew. It had been her, that split second in the hall beneath Maz's place she had seen this moment before.

 _Impossible. This was years before Finn ever came to Jakku..._

And yet he had seen her too.

The rain is gone, her vision filled with ominous red.

He is watching the destruction of the Hosnian system streak through the sky, forcing himself to watch, uncertainty and regret churning in his gut. If only he had gotten the droid sooner, maybe this could have been prevented.

 _Through pain and sacrifice, our goals will be achieved._

He must find the droid. To do that, he must find the girl.

He is stepping off his shuttle on Takodana when he pauses, feeling something in the Force that makes him nearly falter. It is something new, unlike anything he has felt before, and he feels a promise of change in it. It intrigues him and makes him apprehensive all at once. A trooper has approached and started to speak to him, to update him on the BB8 unit.

"Sir, the droid was spotted heading west, with a girl."

He is moving into the forest, glimpses of beige darting between the rocks and trees and Rey takes in a shuddering breath as she sees herself. She can feel his interest as she clamors over rocks and fauna, firing at him every chance she gets though her fear is almost palpable. He almost lazily swats away her blaster bolts, a demonstration of his superiority before deciding to definitively show her the futility of resistance by freezing her in place.

It is... unsettling... to see this interaction from his point of view and feel his surprise as he takes her in completely for the first time, looking her up and down, noting that she is young, small, and thin, no more than a reed he could easily snap between his hands. But more than that, there is a familiarity that he can't quite place, a sense that he knows her or that he should. This contrasts with everything he has accumulated about her, a filth smudged girl wearing rags for clothes, a scavenger from a dirtball called Jakku. How she found herself here, the center of attention of one as great as himself is a wonder of its own.

Rey's irritation flares and she resents how self conscious she suddenly feels watching herself here.

"The girl I've heard so much about."

He is grateful for his mask, that she won't see the disconcerted look on his face as he feels admiration of her defiance stir something deeper within him, something that he does not recognize. Trying to shake it, he moves to stand behind her, her fear spiking through the Force as he places his saber near her ear.

"The droid. Where is it?"

His frustration flares when she refuses to speak, instead closing her eyes to avoid looking at the spitting blade in her peripheral vision. He withdraws his weapon. There are easier ways to get information than physical torture, more reliable too, though just as painful. He reaches into her mind, ungentle and without finesse as time is of the essence.

"The map. You've seen it," he says, unable to suppress how impressed he is and looks into her eyes, this time searching. He sees flashes of her life, alone, a child rooting through relics of the old Empire under the desert sun.

 _Who are you?_ he thinks but they are interrupted and part of him is glad he doesn't have to let her go yet... there are far more questions he has than just whatever hole Skywalker has crawled into.

"Forget the droid. We have what we need."

Though there are other troopers about, she is shocked to see it is him that carries her over the uneven terrain and through the battleground, stealing occasional glances at her unconscious face as his gloved fingers curl around her side and thigh. It occurs to him this is the first time he's touched another person outside of overt violence in years and it unnerves him that he finds it pleasant, almost comforting.

Harshly, he reminds himself that he is only holding her because he knocked her unconscious and will have to interrogate her or face the wrath of the Supreme Leader. She is quickly deposited on the nearest available surface and out of his arms once they enter his ship.

She sees herself strapped to an interrogation rack, muscles limp while he is crouched, watching before he lifts the cloud from her mind.

"You still want to kill me," he says, the tendrils of his mind on the surface of hers. Rey is surprised at the dismay she hears in his voice that she missed the first time around. He is... disappointed... that she did not seem to feel the connection between them.

"That's what happens when you're being hunted by a monster in a mask," Rey hears herself bite out as she struggles against the restraints.

Though he has been called far worse, done things that deserved far worse, her words sting and he wants her to see his face, wants to see the unease that his visage seems to bring so many others. He hopes it will dull whatever it is that draws him to her.

Rey recalls this moment as she had experienced it, expecting to see some grotesque creature, not a young man with regal features and eyes that seemed to see down to the marrow of her bones.

He keeps his face a neutral mask though he senses it in her mind, the stunned feeling of recognition and the shock of something else that she, unlike him, was able to give a name to... attraction. Perplexed, he approaches her.

"Is it true?" he finally asked. "You're just a scavenger?"

She doesn't respond, silent from the humiliation of both her attraction and his estimation of her and it makes him uncomfortable.

"Tell me about the droid."

She rattles off the specs of the unit and he is almost amused at her gumption.

"The map. It's what i need."

He felt her mind skitter around, looking for anything to think of but what the droid had shown her.

"I can take whatever I want," he says, trying once more to reason with her, make her see that it will hurt far less if she just gives in to him. Of course, she just pulls further away.

He leaned over, pushing deeper into her mind.

"You've been so lonely," he murmured as he searched, working his way through her blanketed layers of suffering. "So afraid to leave." And then he sees it... "At night, desperate to sleep, you imagine an ocean. I can see it... I can see the island."

It is rocky, almost inhospitable in its appearance but she holds it dear to her heart and has created a whole life there in her mind while on Jakku... even dreamed up a half-imagined companion waiting for her, someone who would love her.

She turns her face away from him, flush in embarrassment and he takes the opportunity to study her... the column of her neck, the stubborn jut of her jaw, the length of her lashes, and her ridiculous hair... before probing again into her mind.

"And Han Solo," he says, an old, familiar frustration surfacing, "he feels like the father you never had. A dead end, that vision. Let it go. I can tell you for a fact he would have disappointed you."

"Get out of my head!" she growled.

 _Rey. Her name is Rey,_ he thinks to himself as he pulls it from her.

"You've seen the map. And I'm going to take it. Don't be afraid. I feel it too," he told her, a small acknowledgment of his fascination, one he hoped would end once he took what he needed.

He pressed harder into her mind, determined to find the answers he sought ... and came up against a wall, fiery and firm.

To his astonishment, she started to push back, breaking through his barriers before he could even fully erect them. He could feel her rushing into him, into his very heart until a cloaked figure in black was all he could see.

"You," she hears herself saying clearly, "you're afraid. That you will never be as strong as Darth Vader!"

He finally expels her from his head, staggering from the effort, and can feel it now, the wild untamed energy that is pouring off of her like an unseen dam has broken wide open.

 _Is it her? Is she what I felt in the Force?_

He looks her over, her face all righteous, indignant fury, the Force whipping around her unfocused and uncontrolled.

And he realizes he wants to keep her.

The thought drives him from the room, his hands shaking as he breathes heavily against a wall.

 _She is powerful, she could be an asset to the First Order. That is all I see in her value. If nothing else, she cannot be let go lest she return to the Resistance_.

He straightens as a trooper cautiously approaches him.

"Lord Ren, Supreme Leader Snoke requests your presence in his chamber."

He nods and follows.

And Rey... she couldn't look away if she wanted to.


	7. Chapter 7

She can't look away but oh, how she wants to when the catwalk materializes in front of her, Han Solo approaching along it, his face defiant and pleading all at once.

Black gloves fill her peripheral vision as Ben removes his mask.

"Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish, like his father. So I destroyed him."

His voice is steady while his heart is racing, doubt spreading dangerous tendrils throughout his mind. But Snoke assured him this would make it stop, end the torment that had eaten at him since he was just a child. Snoke promised strength and he delivered, he promised him power and he has it, gave him purpose and he followed through. The Supreme Leader has not failed him yet.

"Snoke is using you for your power, manipulating your abilities. When he's gotten everything he wants out of you, he'll crush you. Toss you aside. You know its true."

The tendrils burrow deeper.

"It's too late," he says, the words bubbling up from a walled off corner of his mind.

"No, its not. Its never too late," says Han stepping toward him. "Leave here with me. Come home. Your mother misses you."

The doubt pieces his soul, and his eyes start to burn as traitorous tears build in them, a picture of Leia's smiling face flashing in his mind. His heart lurches and he feels as if he can't breathe, a child's longing for his mother pure and intense burning through him.

He can't go on like this. Not for one more day.

 _Let the past die._

"I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. I know what i have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?"

"Yes. Anything."

 _Kill it, if you have to._

He marvels at how steady his hand is as he removes his saber from his belt, holding it out to Han. His father's fingers close over his as he presses the ignition. The adrenaline surges through him and he embraces it, grateful to feel anything else but the agonizing vacuum in his chest.

"Thank you."

He releases the breath he had been holding as the body falls and he waits for the Dark to wash over him, give him certainty and finally cleanse him of the Light.

It does not.

 _My father..._

The Light flickers and burns brighter. He considers just leaping off of the catwalk himself and ending it as blinding pain erupts in his abdomen and he drops, his hand going to his side to use the force to slow the damage. He knows who shot him, should have expected it, but embraces the feelings of betrayal that accompany seeing Chewbacca holster his bowcaster.

 _Both my Uncles now my attempted murderers._

The Light whispers that the wookie could have shot him in the head, killed him if he had wanted.

He is trudging though the forest, snow sticking to his hair, his every step, every breath agony as blood slowly soaks his clothes. He is using the force to hold staunch the internal bleeding but there is so much, and his concentration can only be pulled in so many directions. The effort it takes makes Rey breathless, the pain excruciating as it fuels him forward, making him almost heady with the Dark Side keeping him knit together.

She sees herself in front of him, hate in her eyes as she calls him a monster. She pulls her blaster and he retaliates, sending her flying into a tree with more force than he intended. A flash of regret shoots through him that he quickly snuffs out... she needed to be incapacitated. Snoke demands that he bring her to him. It is necessary.

And right now that lightsaber belongs to him and he will take it from the traitor. He should have reported him when he did not follow orders at Tanual. No good deed he ever did went unpunished.

He toys with Finn, taking enjoyment out of burning him with the cross guards until his former subordinate lands a blow, a sharp rebuke echoing in his head for him to finish it. He sends Finn spinning, falling unconscious to the ground... and it is his, his grandfather's light saber.

His vision feels dim, his pant leg now completely soaked, and he reaches for it, using the force to call it to him. The hilt won't heed his command and he pulls harder with the Force until it snaps free... and right past him into Rey's waiting hand.

 _It is you._

He is momentarily frozen in awe, his jaw going slack and he knows at that moment he must convince her, he needs to convince her to join them. Why else would the Force have sent her, made her so familiar? It is her destiny to change the galaxy with him. It must be.

He welcomes the anger he feels roll off of her in waves, reassures him of her place with the Dark Side. He rolls the hilt of his blade in his hand. Her rage is fine with him. He has enough to meet hers and then some.

From this side, Rey can feel him pull back on some of his strikes, ensuring they barely miss her while still throwing his weight behind the blows that connect dead on with her blade. She recalled how each made her teeth rattle in her head and hands vibrate til they were numb. She had thought every hit the killing one, the one that would make her world go dark. But now she sees he was testing her and wearing her down in equal measure, only occasionally aiming to truly wound but not to kill. He is pleased she is not naive to combat, though clearly her weapon of choice is not a sword. She will be a quick study, nevertheless.

The ground shakes and they lock blades, Rey's back to the collapsing ravine and her stance off balance. He presses down on her just enough to remind her of his advantage. Now is his chance.

"You need a teacher. I can show you the ways of the Force!"

He watches in anticipation as she blinks at him through the amethyst hues their blades cast across her face. "The Force?" she whispers and closes her eyes. He presses further down on her but finds she will not budge, her spine straightening as if infused with steel.

Her eyes open and he feels fear strike him in his heart, the Force rushing into her and backing her strikes as she pushes him away. Both the Dark and the Light rage around her and his boot squishes as he stumbles, some blood sloshing out the top onto the snow.

She slices him across his leg then gives a spiteful stab into his shoulder that sends him to the ground. She doesn't press her advantage, instead stalking around him, the prey now turned predator as he scrambles to his feet and sends a wild swing in her direction. She parries the strike, sliding underneath to catch it with her free hand before swinging her blade at his neck. He blocks it just in time, locking his hand around her wrist, squeezing so hard he feels her bones grind together. His teeth grit uncomfortably as he tries to overpower her and the Force that has suffused her being.

But she slips free ( _don't you always?_ ), striking his saber hilt from his hand and slashing his torso and face on her upswing.

He rolls over from his place in the snow as quickly as his wounds will allow him to face his death with open eyes. He had underestimated her and would now pay the price.

A part of him had known his fate would lie with her.

Rey barely recognizes herself, teeth bared and feral, her desert wear blowing in the snow. Her skin is cast in a the blue light of her blade. She looks like some vengeful goddess of the Force as she looms over him.

She takes a step toward him.

And the ground tears asunder between them.

She is suddenly cold and wet, air being forced into her lungs as she floats. He is pulled from the bacta tank when he's healed enough to survive, his body dropped unceremoniously onto the cold floor by his knights. They will pay for their disrespect later.

They leave him there alone as he pushes himself to his feet, pulling on the Force to steady the tremors in his limbs.

Han's face flashes in his mind and he swallows against the sudden lump in his throat. He can still feel his fingers against his cheek.

He dresses slowly, taking time to ensure every item is fastened securely and perfectly in place. It is painstaking work but every article lets him feel some small measure control return as he boxes up his regret and pushes it into the recesses of his mind. He pays no attention to the hole in his side but pauses at his reflection in the glass of a table.

It should make him angry, the humiliation she's dealt him forever on display, but instead his fingers trace over the slash bisecting his face almost reverently. His thoughts are unformed and muddled so much so Rey cannot interpret them further before the room comm crackles to life.

"Lord Ren, the Supreme Leader commands you."

His hand drops from his face and he shivers as he dons his mask, Snoke's wrath palpable even from here.

He berates him, threatens, and shames him for losing to Rey. His barbs all find their marks, all except the last. There is something more to the Scavenger and if Snoke cannot see it, Ren will not enlighten him further.

His punishment is brief but painful. Snoke cannot afford to have him, his most powerful knight, incapacitated when they need to retaliate swiftly. The Praetorian guards return to their posts when they think him properly subdued.

Luke Skywalker is no longer a priority. The Resistance must be snuffed out once and for all.

He is lost in thought, barely registering the sting of the med droid as it works to repair his face. He should feel... something... satisfaction at least, after destroying D'Qar and having the Resistance on the run. Perhaps he should feel shame that he couldn't kill his mother. Instead, he just feels hallow and numb.

The Force had quaked from whatever Leia had done to survive, leaving his bones vibrating from the use. He had asked her once, when he was a teenager, why she did not use the Force more, why she had not dedicated herself to becoming a Jedi when she was so powerful. Leia had told him she and the Force only communed when they absolutely needed one another. No more, no less.

She might be the only true Jedi he's ever known.

His thoughts were interrupted as the sound suddenly went out of the room and his back stiffened, eyes narrowing suspiciously as he waved off the medical droid. They pass once over the empty room, twice-

And he stops breathing.

The scavenger is sitting across the room from him, her lips parted in identical shock.

Whereas his mind had been so full before, now he is only capable of one thought.

 _How?_

Her arm snaps out, snatching up her blaster to fire it into his gut and he jumped reflexively, shocked to find himself unharmed. It was just a glimpse of her as she ran away, disappearing through the wall and he took off after her, sliding across the floor in his haste. She stopped running when he finds her now glaring at him, her hand resting on her weapon.

"You will bring Luke Skywalker to me," he says and pushes with the Force to attempt a mind trick.

He pulls back his hand, his jaw rolling when she just continued to stare at him hatefully. He looked her over, his curiosity of their situation overcoming his embarrassment. "You're not doing this. The effort would kill you. Can you see my surroundings?"

"You're going to pay for what you did," she spat at him but he barely heard her, instead his mind racing to understand. He wonders, not for the first time, about her and why the Force keeps pushing them into each others orbits

"I can't see yours. It's just you...No, this is something else."

Unlike her, he feels no anger when he looks at her. In its place is just this feeling that she holds the answers to questions he doesn't even know to ask yet. There is only one thing he is certain of, feels it like the Force around him. His destiny is tied to her, only the how and why left to be determined.

Something startles her and she looks over her shoulder.

"Luke."

Rey feels a rush of adrenaline surge through him and the reason surprises them both. He is worried... for her.

The world blurs and she is overlooking a sea of machinery and sparks, a distant roar of waves becoming louder in her ear. His heart thuds heavily as he turns around, knowing she will be there.

"Why is the Force connecting us, you and I?"

"Murderous snake! You're too late. You've lost. I've found Skywalker." Her words lash at the wound left in his heart since his father and he is flooded with this sudden need for her to know why he is the way the is, how this all came to pass.

"Did he tell you what happened? The night I destroyed his temple, did he tell you why?"

"I know everything I need to know about you."

"You do?" He moves closer and she becomes more solid, the edges of her figure sharper. The anger and rage in her eyes makes him defensive and frustrated, and it strikes him she's looked at him like that before. "Oh, you do. You have that look in your eyes from the forest... when you called me a monster."

"You are a monster."

His father's face flashes before him, then the villagers on Jakku, the countless he's interrogated, the Jedi on Yavin 4, and the Hosian system he did not fight hard enough to save. He steps close enough to where he has to look down to meet her eyes. She is right; he is the tip of the lance, the edge of the knife. He carries the burdens of war to make a difference and change the reality in which they live.

"Yes, I am."

Her glare falters as if she was expecting a protest and he hates how it makes him hopeful. A crash sounds near him and water strikes his face, cold and salty against his lips. He wipes it away, stunned at the strength of the link, that it can transfer things physically between them. He wonders if he could touch her, and inwardly scoffs, an unexpected bitterness creeping up that he writes off as academic disappointment. She would never let him near her enough to test it.

He strips off his tunic and his arm guards, his turmoil subdued for the time being. The last few hours have been spent reminding two of his knights why he is their master in combat before sending them off on a mission. Perhaps tonight he will sleep.

The Force brushes against him, just as he was about to reach for his waistband.

"I'd rather not do this right now," she says, a curt announcement of her arrival. She is behind him.

"Yeah, me too."

"Why did you hate your fath-" He watches her closely, fascinated by her response and the blush that is rushing up her neck to the apples of her cheeks. A masculine pride burns in his chest, absurdly pleased he has this effect on her and he feels something dark and possessive curl in his abdomen. He welcomes it as it gives him something else to focus on than the question he knows is coming.

"Do you have something? A cowl or something you can put on?" She is scrambling now, averting her gaze and he steps toward her, pushing past the personal space boundaries they had previously established. He needs her off balance for this conversation.

"Why did you hate your father? Give me an honest answer. Why did you do it? You had a father who loved you, he gave a damn about you!" She rails at him, tears welling in her eyes and spilling over her cheeks. He knows he is not immune to her either, his heart twisting at the sight though he keeps his face stoic, and it confuses him. He's never been moved like this before, not by a woman's tears. Force, what is happening?

"I didn't hate him," he says, offering the truth. He despises liars.

"Then why?"

"Why what? Say it."

"Why did you kill him? I don't understand." The anger is ebbing from her, just sadness left as she implores him to explain.

"No? Your parents threw you away like garbage." He remembers Han and Leia leaving him on Yavin 4, and the almost insurmountable urge to run after them coursing through his body. He'll never forget the despair that filled him as the Falcon disappeared into the clouds.

"They didn't!"

"They did but you can't stop needing them. It is your greatest weakness. You can't stop looking for them everywhere... first in Han Solo and now in Skywalker," he says, calmly. She already knows, deep within her about where she came from. He caught glimpses of it when he was in her head back at Starkiller base while sifting though all the layers of pain she had wrapped herself in to hide the droid's map. "Did he tell you what happened that night?"

"Yes."

"No. He didn't," he says, voice quiet with a cold viciousness. Of course not. The coward never told Leia or Han the truth either. "He had sensed my power, as he senses yours. And he feared it. "

He tells her all of it and it feels good, cathartic even, to give her the true measure of the great Luke Skywalker, a man who'd murder his apprentice nephew in his sleep. The Universe paints in broad strokes, Skywalker a hero, himself the villain, but maybe it will be enough to keep her wary and not let Skywalker too close where he could hurt her too.

"Liar," she says but it has no fire behind it, and he doesn't argue. She'll see the truth, he is certain, ugly and rotten as it may be. Abandoned, despised, feared, and searching, they are the same... if only she would let go of the illusion that it can be rewritten in shiny new ink.

"Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to. It's the only way to become what you are meant to be."

He's so close to her now he can see the doubt swimming in her shining eyes, the moonlight reflected in them and he can't look away. The isolation of his quarters feels oppressive once she is gone.

His dreams are unusual that night, hazy and blurred with the feeling of something warm pressed against his back, and the smell of salt and damp air brushing against his senses. When he wakes he knows he will never tell anyone in the First Order of this tether he has to her.

He starts to devise his argument to the Supreme Leader of Rey's necessity without revealing their connection. It will be a difficult task as Snoke only wishes to destroy her... but there had to be a way. He envisions a galaxy without her and quickly dismisses it, ignoring the pang it leaves behind. The Force could not have done this only to allow him to kill her. The logistics have him clenching his jaw as he enters his quarters.

A soft sniffle has him freezing mid-step, swallowing thickly before he turns around. She is huddled on the floor in soaked clothes, her body trembling, and his heart does that foreign lurch again, the one it only does with her.

"What did he do?" he asks, the sudden rage he feels seeping into his words as he crouches down near her. Her head snaps up and she looks at him bewildered.

"It wasn't him," she says through slightly blue lips, her eyes flicking over his face and he is temporarily spellbound. It is the first time she's looking at him with something other than fear or anger. He feels warmth working its way up his neck and he clears his throat.

"You need to get warm," he says flatly and she blinks before looking around.

"I can build a fire," she replies, her voice cracking on the end like its a question.

He nods and steps back as she rises and shrugs off her vest, collecting items that only become visible once they are in her hands. He watches her for any sign of physical injury in her movement but sees none even as she kneels to bring the igniter to the wood and the fire blazes to life. She sits and stares into the flames for a moment before pulling a blanket around her bare shoulders. Her eyes glance up to him and she reaches out, her fingers laying onto a nearby stool that materializes before him.

"Can you see it?" she asks. He doesn't answer, instead touching the other end of the item, surprised to find it solid under his hand, even after she withdraws. His fingertips slide over the top of it in amazement. He had heard of Force Bonds in his studies as a means to communicate, a link of two minds but never anything like this, a connection that let them exist in two places at once without any effort or control on their part.

Something else, indeed.

He sat, feeling a bit ridiculous as he folded himself onto the small stool. She was still looking into the fire, her face in profile. Her hair is down, damp strands skimming past her shoulders, and her expression troubled. He finds she looks different in a way he can't quite name

"I believe you about that night," she starts, her fingers pulling the blanket more tightly around herself and an unexpected relief washes over him. He hadn't known until that moment how much he needed her to believe him. "But if that's true, I don't know what to think anymore. What is the light, what is the dark, who is right, who is wrong..." Her voice trails off and she breathes in shakily. "I followed the call of the Dark Side here. It pulled me into the water, but for some reason it didn't drown me." Her eyes flick over to him. "I can't swim," she confesses, a hint of embarrassment in her voice.

"Not many opportunities on a desert planet, I'm sure," he murmurs in response.

The corner of her mouth tilts up the slightest amount and she forges on. "I found myself in this cavern with nothing but myself reflected back at me over and over again. I should have felt trapped or panicked but I didn't. This didn't go on forever. I knew it was leading somewhere and at the end it would show me what I came to see." Her lower lip trembles before she pulled it into her mouth, her head shaking as if disgusted with herself. "I thought I'd find answers here. I was wrong. I've never felt so alone."

"You're not alone."

It feels like a promise and he means it. It frightens him how much he means it. But it is worth it when she looks at him, her features softening and eyes warm.

"Neither are you. It isn't too late."

That dark, possessive thing inside him unfurls as he watches her hand reach for him, spreading into something that makes him breathless and jittery. He wants desperately to touch her, feel her skin underneath his fingertips. And she looks like she wants him to do so. His mouth goes dry and he is suddenly reminded of his inexperience with women, small, useless anxieties he hasn't cared about in over ten years swimming to the surface. He pulls his glove off and stretches his hand toward her, noticing how small she really is compared to him. Their battle in the forest and how she held her own against his blows rushes to his mind. She really is a marvel.

Her touch feels electric as they connect across the galaxy and he swears he hears the Force sigh just before it shows him.

The desert of Jakku stretches out endless in his vision, a child with a familiar hairstyle's wails becoming fainter and fainter as he watches the staggering man count his money.

 _Her father._

He doesn't even turn around as he boards the ship. It is not capable of space travel but can take him from outpost to outpost and haul his gear. He's needed more and more scrap to feed his habits and the girl is just a burden without the mother around to manage her.

The scene vanishes like a mirage on the horizon and its just more desert, the ship half buried in the blowing sands and the bones that have not been picked over by the animals scattered among the debris.

It is over in an instant, leaving just her and him, and the warmth of the fire on his skin. He's a moment from sliding his fingers further up her palm in a sudden, wild urge to feel the soft skin of her wrist when he's ripped away and thrust violently back into the solitary of his room.

He is shaking in equal combination of rage and fear.

"Skywalker."


	8. Chapter 8

For full day his mind imagines several scenarios in which Skywalker harmed her but he pushes them away as unhelpful. He would know if she had been killed, he's certain.

He feels like a caged animal, energy barely contained within his skin as he fights the instinct to find her... he would have left already except he has no idea what planet she is on. He tries again to trigger their connection, and once failing, pulls up the incomplete map of Luke's location, a representation of space beyond the Outer Rim.

Breathable air. Salt water, likely an ocean. Relatively ambient temperatures. Uninhabited despite these things.

He enters those facts, a list of potential planets populating on the screen and he frowns when none are familiar. Some are listed simply because they are unexplored, any further details about them unknown. There may even be other possibilities not even noted. It could take months... years, even. His fingers clench in his palm. Perhaps the Supreme leader will approve of him trying to apprehend her, especially if he can promise the death of Skywalker. He can worry about what he will actually do when he finds her later.

 _Kylo Ren._

Snoke thunders into his brain and he stiffens, awaiting the excruciating punishment for his insubordination.

 _The scavenger approaches. You will bring her to me._

Dread pierces his gut as Snoke withdraws with no further instruction. It must be a lie. She is a creature of survival... she couldn't be that foolish.

Unless, she has turned. Perhaps her confrontation with Skywalker had done it. She is like him, after all.

His comm buzzes.

"Sir, a small craft is asking for clearance. The Supreme Leader instructed us to notify you immediately."

His heart starts to race as the first brushes of her signature in the Force reach him.

"Sir?" asks the grunt on the end of the line when he doesn't respond.

He straightens and attaches his light saber to his belt. "Hold the ship in the docking bay until I arrive."

She has sent herself in a kriffing coffin.

The the condensation from the depressurization of her craft clears, allowing him his first look at her. Her eyes are open and kind, hope practically spilling out of them and he feels ill.

She has not turned.

Anger flares within him and he tries to tamp it down, box it in to the far corner of his mind. He must hide everything from Snoke, even the parts he doesn't understand himself yet. Unless he navigates this very, very carefully, Snoke will kill her.

Rey presses her consciousness against the riot in him, so different from his usual brand of white hot rage, but just as terrible. It is fragile and edged with panic.

He did not know how do this and keep them both alive, she realizes.

He runs numerous scenarios through his head, gripping onto one, dismissing the next, flipping through another to find an answer. He's so preoccupied, he doesn't hear her speaking to him.

"Ben."

He hears her then, the name reverberating around in his head as he looks at her. He doesn't hate it when she says it... especially not when she says it like that. She is moving toward him, eyes fixed on his.

"When we touched hands, I saw your future. Just the shape of it but solid and clear. You will not bow before Snoke. You'll turn." She is so close to him now, her boots nearly touching his. Her eyes flick to his lips and he can't help but mirror their movement. "I'll help you. I saw it," she whispers.

He swallows, warmth spreading in his chest, affection and sadness mixing with the possessiveness he feels for her. She doesn't understand the futility of what she is asking. It is too late for him... for them both. If only she had not come. It wasn't time.

She came here for you, whispers the light.

"I saw something too. Because of what I saw, I know that when the moment comes, you'll be the one to turn." He has to make her see. Only together can they weather this."You'll stand with me. Rey, I saw who your parents are."

Her eyes widen with shock as the lift stops and she steps away, looking across the long throne room. He grabs her roughly to move her forward. Every decision, every show from here out matters.

"Well done, my good and faithful apprentice. My faith in you is restored," croons Snoke from his seat.

He kneels, his head bowed as he walls his thoughts off as best he can.

"Young Rey, welcome."

He hears the click of her restraints falling to the floor.

"Come closer child." She takes a few halting steps... just enough to appease while still keeping her distance. "So much strength. Darkness rises and light to meet it," he murmurs before raising his voice again. "I warned my young apprentice that as he grew stronger, his equal in the light would rise."

He looks up as Snoke pulls his grandfather's light saber from where he had secured it to his belt and rests it on the arm of the throne.

"Skywalker, I assumed, wrongly. Closer, I said." He hears the slide of her shoes along the floor as Snoke drags her to him.

"You underestimate Skywalker, and Ben Solo, and me. It will be your downfall."

 _Be quiet,_ he wants to scream at her and Rey feels that fragile thing in him twist.

"Oh, have you seen something? A weakness in my apprentice? Is that why you came? Young fool. It was I who bridged your minds."

Snoke's words wash over him, wiping his thoughts blank and making his body chill with sudden realization.

No. It can't be. The thought of Snoke creating this thing that he holds precious...

"I stoked Ren's conflicted soul. I knew he was not strong enough to hide it from you and you were not wise enough to resist the bait."

The past six years of his life swirl in his head. The pain, the torture, and mind games all sold to him as a means to make him stronger, to bludgeon the uncertainty out of him. But this served no other purpose than Snoke's own impatience to have her dealt with.

He had given the order everything... his faith, his body, his loyalty, his father... And now they wanted Rey.

Snoke laughs and he knows it is at both of their expense. "And now you will give me Skywalker. Then I will kill you with the cruelest stroke."

"No," she grits out.

"Yes," he hisses back at her, his hand flicking up at his side and her body lifts in the air. "Give me everything."

He looks, he has to, as her body shakes with pain, a scream tearing free of her throat. It pierces something in him and the fragile thing starts to settle and solidify within his chest. Snoke laughs again as he drops Rey and Ben has to repress the snarl that wants to escape his lips.

"I did not expect Skywalker to be so wise. We will give him and the Jedi order the death he desires. After the rebels are gone, we will go to the planet and obliterate the entire island."

He watches Rey lift herself to her feet again. She won't give up, he knows. There is only one way this can end for her unless he intervenes. He dodges the light saber that whips past his head with practiced ease and it strikes her from behind.

"Such spunk," snears Snoke as he activates the projection glass, the image filling with multiple slow moving transport ships. "Look here now. The entire Resistance on those transports. Soon, they will all be gone. For you, all is lost."

There is a visceral growl of rage from Rey as she calls _his_ light saber to her, igniting it in her hands and the guards rise to action.

"Oh, still that fiery spit of hope. You have the spirit of a true Jedi."

She charges at him and he lazily throws her back down, the saber flying from her hand to skid at Ben's knee. He watches it rotate slowly in front of him, inspiration starting to burn around that solid weight in his chest.

"And because of that, you must die."

Snoke vulgarly presents her to him on her knees and his intent is clear. Of course he would want him to kill her, a last jab of cruelty for the one she came to save to be the one to end her life. He ignores her pleading eyes, the mental task of concealing his true intentions from Snoke far too important to risk for sentiment. It is easier than he anticipated, the emotions all being real, only having to push his focus from his actual target.

"My worthy apprentice, son of darkness, heir apparent to Lord Vader. Where there was conflict, I now sense resolve. Where there was weakness, now strength. Complete your training and fulfill your destiny."

He shifts his saber to his right hand.

"I know what I have to do."

"Ben," she breathes out and he can see the uncertainty in her eyes. Good. It means he is convincing. He moves his hands in sync, the right twisting his saber hilt while the left rotates at his side. His eyes never leave hers. If this fails and they die, he wants to remember every detail of her face.

"You think you can turn him, pathetic child. I cannot be betrayed. I cannot be beaten. I see his mind. I see his every intent. Yes. I see him turning the light saber to strike through and now, foolish child, he ignites it, and kills his true enemy!"

Several things happen as he pushes with the Force and the blade flares to life into Snoke's gut. His master's face contorts in disbelieving shock as the life drains out of it, and Rey collapses at his feet. He feels part of his mind relax, like shackles falling away, and its as if he can breathe, like he can think for the first time in his life.

But it is not over yet, the guards starting to move to surround them and he pulls the blade with a flick of his fingers, taking no small amount of satisfaction when Snoke's torso smacks undignified to the ground. She catches the hilt in her hand, just as he intended.

And finally, he is not alone.

They spin in unison and it is as if an extension of his soul has attached itself to her, pulling what it can of his training with it to help her. They repel the first wave but the second hems them in more tightly and he feels her hand on his thigh.

 _I need you._

He slashes down and it serves the dual function of driving his attackers back and giving her leverage. Her kick won't be enough for all of them and he uses his sword hand to direct a force push backwards that gives her room to go on the offense. Despite their efforts, the guards manage to separate them.

Rey watches through his eyes, amazed at the calm, methodical way he cuts through the guards and is almost amused when his elegant training goes temporarily wayside for elbows to the face and kicks to the shin, reminiscent of a few dirty brawls she'd witnessed.

Han's son, indeed.

Her own shout of rage reaches her and she inhales sharply as she watches herself bare her teeth and rush her enemy. She is fighting like he had that night in the forest, wild and with rage backing her her strikes.

He blocks the vibroblade of one guard and uses the momentum to stop another, spinning his cross guard to resist as they drive him back. Able to cast them off, he buries his blade to the hilt in one's chest and quickly discards the body and stares down his light saber, ready to defend against the three guards that have flanked him when Rey crosses into his vision. She's battling the First of the guard when he cuts her across the right arm.

Fear rockets through him, but he reigns it back, pulling on the Force to guide his next movements. They need to end this quickly before one of them gets hurt. He spins, deflecting the guards' strikes in a flurry of movement and he catches one across the throat as he strips the next of his own weapon before delivering the killing blow. His final adversary slashes at him so closely he has to abandon his weapon. The next swing nearly takes his legs out but he catches the third just before it is being pressed against his throat.

Rey grunts and he sees the vibrobeam dangerously close to her face, the sight causing him to struggle harder. The guard and he are at a stalemate, neither being able to over power the other.

"Ben!"

She is alone now, her previous guard no where to be seen, and she throws him her weapon. It flies into his waiting grip and a tenth of a second later, it is over, the body falling to the ground behind him. The edge of his psyche feels raw and jagged, the calm of battle leaving him as he starts to move, walking past his own light saber to stare at Snoke's body on the ground. And finally, he understands.

This was why the Force sent her to him. They were meant to tear it all down and rebuild something new. Their suffering, their betrayals, their trials and sacrifices... it all had purpose, their penance to pay for their right to this moment. It is their destiny.

"Ben?"

"It's time to let old things die. Snoke, Skywalker, the Sith, the Jedi, the Rebels... Let it all die." He turns. She hasn't moved, her posture rigid as she watches him carefully. A frisson of fearful, anxious hope surges through him and he has to take a second to center himself before he reaches for her. "Rey, I want you to join me. We can rule together and bring a new order to the galaxy." His eyes plead with her to understand what he is asking.

His heart drops when her face falls, tears building in her eyes.

"Don't do this, Ben. Please don't go this way."

He has to make her see. He knows he can make her understand if she would just stay...

"No, No! You're still holding on. Let go!"

He doesn't care how desperate he sounds. Let her see. He has nothing left to hide, not from her. He will just have to pry her fingers from this identity she built for herself in her isolation on Jakku. "Do you want to know the truth about your parents, or have you always known? You've just hidden it away… You know the truth. Say it. Say it."

He hates himself as the tears start to run down her face. But he is so close, so close to a future of his own making for once...

"They were nobody," she admits.

"They were filthy junk traders who sold you off for drinking money. They are dead in a pauper's grave in the Jakku desert. You have no place in this story. You come from nothing. You're nothing. But not to me."

 _To me, you are everything._

He will spend the rest of his life proving to her she is so much more than her past if she will just let him.

"Join me." He steps closer. "Please."

Her hand moves and for one second, one blissful second, something actually feels right in Ben Solo's life before it all starts to collapse around him. They struggle over his grandfather's saber, and he thinks if he can just hold on, he can still salvage this. But she is as strong as he is and their feet start to lose traction as Anakin Skywalker's crystal explodes.

His world goes black.


	9. Chapter 9

_Rey._

It's his first thought upon waking as he pushes himself to his feet, rattling off lies to Hux as his mind spins out, knowing the shrewd man doesn't believe him.

"She took Snoke's escape craft."

She's gone. She's left him. Just like everyone else.

Snoke had bridged their minds. That was the only explanation.

Out of habit, his fingers brush against the hilt of his saber to confirm its location

He had offered her everything. He'd offered himself.

Discarded.

Abandoned.

Alone.

Again and again and again...

Rey winces against the pain that roars through his chest as it is burned away to white hot fury. His thoughts are unstable, bleeding, and ever-changing as the blade of his saber. He wants to find her, shake her, collapse at her feet, rail at her, or beg her to stay... he can't decide from one second to the next.

"We know where she is going. Get all of our forces down to that Resistance base. Let's finish this," he manages to say, moving to leave the room.

"Finish this? Who do you think you are talking to?" The General sputters in disbelief as he straightens his spine. "You presume to command my army, our supreme leader is dead, we have no ruler-" he hears Hux's voice worm through the fog of his brain and he is grateful for a target, spinning on his heel.

"The Supreme Leader is dead," he grinds out, fury twisting his features as he clamps the Force around the man's trachea.

"Long live the Supreme Leader," Hux wheezes out around the invisible fist at his throat and Ren lets him go. He needs the General... for now.

Rey tries to pull out of his head, not wanting to experience the hurt, the pain, and the rage that are all feeding the Dark Side into a perpetually rising tide within him. But she can't. And though she doesn't know how she could have acted differently and he alone can control his emotions, she can't help but feel responsible. If only he had come with her, if only he had not...

She closed her eyes in frustration, feeling her own tears forming under distant lids. He wasn't the only one hurt by this. What had they done to each other?

They are in the body of an AT-AT, the white salt of Crait painful to look directly at in the gleaming sunlight. He is trying not to think of her or where she could be though he feels her nearby in the Force. All he has left is his Grandfather's legacy. He will call back the Knights as soon as they are done here. They will finish it.

"Thirteen incoming light craft," announces the gunner.

"No, the Resistance is in that mine, push through," he instructs, the canon starting to break down the blast doors. He doesn't even look at the broken down speeders that explode, one after the other, in their desperate last stand. He almost admires the amount of spite required for such an action.

But just as he thinks he's succeeded reigning his wildly fluctuating emotions in, a silhouette streaks across the sky and sends him unraveling.

"Blow that piece of junk out of the sky!" he screams and Rey swallows hard. She watches the Falcon evade the Order, her eyes catching glimpses of the gunner seat that holds her. He doesn't know she was there. Would that have changed his order? She is unsure.

The dog fight is brief, the surviving speeders scattering as the canon blows a hole into the mine.

"No quarter. no prisoners," he says, wrapping himself in dark purpose. If they want a monster, he will give them one.

The Light within him paradoxically burns brighter, and it hurts. Leia is there. Maybe even Rey-

His thought is cut off as a familiar figure steps out of the compromised structure below. His blood runs cold.

"Stop! I want every gun we have to fire on that man! Do it!"

For all his size and darkness, he looks like a little boy in that moment to Rey, petulant and lashing out against monsters in his past. The blast area is so concentrated, she swears she can feel the heat.

"More," he commands as he stares down at one more family member that threw him away. Just one of the many.

"That's enough!" interjects Hux, appalled at the waste of resources for just one man. "Do you think you got him?" he asks as the smoke starts to clear.

His teeth clench as Skywalker stands in the center, unharmed and untouched.

"Bring me down to him. Keep the door covered, and don't advance until I say."

"Don't get distracted from our goal-"

Hux's disapproval is cut off as he slams him into the bulkhead but it does nothing to quell the shaking in his hands and he reflexively clenches them into fists.

Six years.

He meets his uncle on the field and despises the openness on his face. He has no right.

"Did you come back to forgive me, to save my soul?" he bites out.

"No," replies his Uncle. "I failed you Ben. I'm sorry."

He dares to apologize after everything that has happened and the last of the Resistance is in his sights. How convenient. Skywalker expects it to mean something? For him to care?

"I'm sure you are! The Resistance is dead, the war is over, and when I kill you, I will have killed the last Jedi."

"Amazing. Every word of what you said was wrong. The rebellion is reborn today, the war is just beginning, and I will not be the last Jedi."

The Light flares and he tries to smother it. The Dark is all that is left to him. It is the only way forward.

"I'll destroy her, and you, and all of it."

"No," Skywalker replies and he wants nothing more than to cleave his head from his shoulders. "Strike me down in anger and I'll always be with you, like your father."

His swing is decidedly clumsy with wrath but it strikes true all the same... and meets no resistance. He pauses, sickening realization dawning over him and he presses the tip of his saber into- and through- the doppelganger. He is not here. He never was.

 _The effort would kill you._

"No," whispers Ben.

"See you around, kid."

Skywalker fades from his vision to die on whatever forsaken planet he's taken refuge on. It was a ruse to give the Resistance time to escape. Luke sacrificed himself to the cause, to save Leia, to thwart the Order...

And to see you once more, says the Light.

He expected relief so potent at Skywalker's demise it would dwarf the freedom he felt at Snoke's end. Impossibly, he feels worse.

He orders the soldiers to halt outside the room as he spots a golden gleam in the minimal light.

Han's dice.

He had last seen them on Yavin 4, left behind with everything else of his old life, save his light saber and the clothes on his back.

The Force shifts around him.

No, it can't be. Snoke is dead.

The molten anger in him cools when he sees her. He doesn't hate her. He never has. And he knows now he never will. The utter disappointment on her face makes him feel as if part of him is cracking open.

It was real.

He has everything he thought he'd ever want... control of the First Order, Snoke and Skywalker dead, the Resistance decimated. It should be his greatest triumph and yet it feels hollow, empty.

He wants to go to her but he is rooted on the spot, his sins too great, his path too entrenched. There is no way back now, if there ever was.

She closes the door and the dice vanish from his fingers.

Everything he touches turns to ash and he is grateful she left before he could do the same to her.

The Light blazes.

* * *

She must have fallen in her trance because he is leaning over her when she wakes, one large hand cushioning her head against the floor as he kneels beside her. Her senses are overwhelmed and she can't speak, her mind too full, her thoughts too scattered. She feels momentarily panicked as she can't tell which parts are him and which are her anymore. She has lived a lifetime since entering this room.

"It will get clearer," he said softly. "You will feel more like yourself soon but you will wonder, on occasion, if a thought or a memory came from yourself or me."

"This... this is why you tried to shut me out," she gasped, her brain still having difficulty forming words and limbs heavy. She swallowed against the dryness in her throat as her eyes found his. "Ben... I didn't want to leave you."

He gave a barely perceptible nod and his free hand lifted, hovering just over her cheek but he did not touch her. "You showed me." He swallowed, his hand falling back to his leg. "I know what I have to do, Rey."

The connection closed, her head falling lightly to the floor of the Trident as he disappeared and fear gripped her heart. Every time she heard him say those words, her world would spin off axis, completely altered and never to be the same. She reached out with her mind, trying to pull him back to her but his only response was a tremulous thought, unformed before he pulled away.


	10. Chapter 10

She ignored TwoBee's concerned hovering as she continued to lay on the floor, her arm and cheek slowly imprinting with the grating of the metal. Had she revealed that much when she invaded him with the bond? Had he been a passenger in her head and privy to all her inner most thoughts?

Yes, she knew, he had.

She felt open and bare, awed that he would do the same and offer himself so there would be no misunderstanding.

Kylo Ren. The Jedi Killer. The Fallen One. Ben Solo.

He now knew how badly she wanted to take his hand, knew her heartbreak when she reached for her saber, unsure if he would let her leave without a fight. He had seen how, upon waking first, she had crawled to his side, checked him for injuries, and held his face in her hands as she tried to wake him. He would have watched her futile efforts to drag him to the escape pod with her, heard her frustrated cursing until she could sense Hux approaching, and her last desperate tug before she called his saber to her and clipped it on his belt.

He knew he had been familiar to her at first sight, masked and hooded, the dark thing that had always stalked her dreams.

And she, his phantom.

He was right. This was not Snoke. The Force had brought them together long before Takodana.

"There will be no untangling this," she murmured to herself as she rolled to her back, rubbing at the red marks on her face. She reached out again but her efforts still crashed against the fortified wall of his mind. It felt wrong, in a way, to have him so distant after what had just happened and she wondered if he felt it too.

She tried repeatedly to contact him in the subsequent days, a steady push from her mind to his but he blocked her, her only reassurance being he felt calmer, no longer like a wire about to snap. Still, it unnerved her... if only he would speak to her.

Even with the constant twitterings of the droids, the Trident was starting to feel stark and empty, just a tube of metal machinery traversing space. She used to be able to do 'alone' so well. She supposed that was before she had real people to miss, ones with actual faces instead of a shadow family who left her with nothing but rags for clothes and three loops of twine for her hair.

She kicked hard at a table stand, causing an indignant squeal to erupt from TwoBee. His face had been clear in Ben's vision, though weathered such that his age was hard to tell, teeth broken, and his eyes glassy from drink. Her father, with her nose and lean frame, had not even looked back after selling her, instead preferring to count his money from the deal. Thrice more she kicked until the Force backed her effort, ripping the bolts from the floor and the table thud back down at an awkward angle. A heavy sigh escaped her as the anger evaporated, leaving only an intense feeling of foolishness behind. All those years of wasted hope.

 _Not wasted. It kept you alive._

Her back stiffened at the thought, certain it had come from Ben but his walls were still in place when she pressed against them to test.

 _"You will wonder, on occasion, if a thought or a memory came from yourself or me."_

"No kidding," she scoffed and reached for a text to better direct her restless energy and folded herself on the bench as she started to read. Her first choice, a weathered tome bound in brown leather, recounted the history of the Jedi starting with their origins on Tython and the offshoot of the first Dark siders.

"Always fighting," she sighed as she read through the account of their struggle for power and set it aside in frustration. She reached for another, her hand passing over the spines until she came to one, newer, covered in white with embossed gold.

She flipped through the pages, her eyes skimming for her desired topic until she saw it, her palm spreading over the text.

 _"The Force is a mountain rising from the water – the dark side is the submerged underbelly. If you choose to explore, you will be lost in the caverns below and left to drown. Passion lines the path to the dark side and must be avoided. Fear, anger, and hate all will cause one to lose focus and to find appeal in the easy pleasures of the dark side._

 _Love is equally dangerous. The Jedi must serve all, not a select few. Those who obsess over a parent, child, or lover devote all their energies toward the special object of their focus. Should the urge to contact your birth families or form romantic attachments emerge, you must seek the guidance of a Master. Attachments will only allow you to lose sight of your path and are cause for expulsion from the Order._

 _Jedi must always turn away from the dark passions within themselves."_

Rey couldn't help the curl in her upper lip that appeared as she read.

Yes, she mused, cutting Ben Solo off from those he loved and teaching him to suppress his feelings worked out spectacularly. No wonder the Jedi were always at war. They developed a full proof method of perpetually creating their own enemies. She closed the book in disgust, pushing herself away from the table.

Fear could be problematic but it also served a purpose. Fear had driven her to listen to her instincts to survive the harsh desert of Jakku. And anger... well, she had reached for that when there had been nothing left, it too saving her. It had kept her on her feet after a beating from an older scavenger, allowing her to deal a blow that made the bastard steer clear of her in the future. It had enabled her to push into Kylo Ren's mind and drive him away at their first duel.

And love...

Love of family, imagined as it had been, had kept her from just laying down to die in her loneliness. Love of a friend, bright and new, had driven her to save Finn on Starkiller Base. Love had moved Chewbacca's aim, allowing Ben to live.

Love could be dark and possessive, a force capable of breaking people, but it was also loyalty, compassion, and care, a never ending source of strength when nurtured properly.

The answer was far more nuanced than "don't love."

As if people were capable of choosing who they loved.

Ben's face swam up before her mind's eye, a dark broken prince with his crimes too numerous to list.

She swallowed thickly, pushing away from the table to distract herself from that line of thought and busied herself with the tedious job of repairing the power cell. After so many days drifting in space, the walls of the Trident were starting to close in on her. She needed to anchor down to some real earth soon, let a sun warm her skin, and breathe in non-recycled air. Her eyes drooped as she continued to tinker, not wanting to be alone with her thoughts, instead preferring to keep her mind fogged with exhaustion.

She had nodded off a few times but it wasn't until she burned her forearm with the soldering iron that she finally gave it up and stumbled to her bunk. She was nearly unconscious when her heart started to race and phantom pain bloomed across her face and back, driving her from her bed to collapse onto the floor. Her breath came in fast deep pants, her lungs seeming to move to their own rhythm out of her control.

It was him. His heartbeat, his breathing, his adrenaline.

Something was wrong.

His walls were still in place but fissures and cracks were erupting as fast as he could shore them up.

She could faintly hear the explosions of blaster fire and the distinctive hiss of saber beams connecting. More pain, this time across her shin, and she felt his rage spurn the dark side in him, whipping out in a violent lash before settling in a flowing current. For a long few minutes her body felt like she was running for her life, the rush of blood in her ears, and a pulse pounding in her neck. She wanted to push into his mind but she could still feel him straining against her and she withdrew, not wanting to distract him.

 _Bring me to him,_ she pleaded with the Force, wishing she had control over that aspect of the bond, but as she remained tangled in her blankets hyperventilating on a cold metal floor, it seemed he was to do this on his own. It went on forever, the staccato pounding in her chest, the billowing of lungs that felt too big to be her own until finally the ragged nature of his walls smoothed and solidified, his presence once again shrinking to just a faint thrum.

She pulled herself up and sat on the edge of the bunk, breathing tightly through pursed lips to slow her heart rate. Her eyes slid closed as she felt the wall between them thin, his consciousness brushing against hers, as gentle and fleeting as when their fingers touched.

An acknowledgement. A reassurance.

Her next breath shuddered through her chest as she laid back down on her meager mattress.

It was many hours before she found sleep again, but when she did, she dreamed of spin-barrels blooming under a Jakku night sky.

* * *

"Rey, you haven't seen... _him_... have you?"

"No, no I haven't," She shook her head. "Why?" she added apprehensively as her fingers drummed next to the hologram emitter.

Finn scratched his head and frowned. "There are rumors of unrest in the upper ranks of the First Order and while the official party line is that Supreme Leader Ren is still in charge, our sources report he hasn't been seen in a few standard weeks. We were hoping you'd be able to clarify."

Rey was already shaking her head before he could finish. "General Hux would jump at an opportunity to seize control. If Ren was gone, he'd make sure everyone knew he was in charge."

"While that is definitely true about Hux, the Order has had a lot of shake ups lately. Another change in leadership so soon could rock the confidence of the systems that support them. More then power hungry, Hux is practical. He may be calling the shots for now and biding his time."

Rey sat back in her chair, her thumbnail between her teeth in contemplation. "Our link, it hasn't brought us together since General Organa. When I saw him last, he seemed... resigned. Just said that he knew what he had to do."

"Any idea what he meant?"

Rey huffed. "He's so mercurial, I can never be completely sure but it felt..." she paused, remembering how he looked at her, his hand lifted as if he was about to caress her cheek and her sleepless night where she felt his heart race behind her own ribs. "Finn..." she said, feeling stupid it hadn't occurred to her yet. "I think he may have abandoned the Order."

Finn rubbed his face and nodded, releasing a huge sigh. "Okay," he muttered, his hands going to his hips. "But why?"

Rey pulled her lip between her teeth and shrugged, her eyes staying cast to the floor. Finn frowned, his eyes passing over her and he looked as if he wanted to say something before he shook his head.

"So if Ren is no longer with the First Order, does that mean you can come home?"

Rey smiled and nodded, warmth spreading in her chest at the thought of finally seeing her friends. "As soon as I am certain, I can come for a bit."

A huge smile broke over his face and he excitedly punched the data pad in front of him. "These are the current rendezvous coordinates in the system. Ping me once you're there and we'll get you."

Rey saved the information to view later and returned Finn's smile. A timer started to flash, their signal to end their transmission to reduce the risk of interception. He sighed and shrugged apologetically.

"It's okay, I'll talk to you soon."

"You better."

Her smile fell as Finn faded away, concern for Ben quickly occupying her mind. Their bond still hadn't connected them, not since she went to him the night Leia died. It had never been this long between times before and she was starting to worry that maybe that had been the end. Perhaps it's only purpose was to help him leave the Order, and now that had been achieved, it was over.

Her heart clenched at the thought.

"I don't want it to go," she whispered to herself, eyes watering at the way her small voice echoed in the empty space. She stood, moving to her pile of discarded saber pieces. That had always been a key to fighting the isolation... busy hands, busy mind... but then the Force shifted, as if taking pity on her and the loose pieces clattered from her hand onto the table.

She blinked and he was there, seated on the ground, his head bowed causing his damp hair to fall forward. His elbows rested on knees as his bare shoulders rose and fell with labored breaths. Splatters of mud reached up from his pant legs to his sleeveless shirt and forearms, clumps of it clinging to the sides of his boots.

"Ben!" she cried out and started to move toward him, certain he was hurt but froze as his head snapped up. His face was still pale but less sallow, the dark crescents under his eyes now just faint shadows.

He is not injured, she realized. This was just fatigue from physical exertion.

He looks uneasy, his eyes flicking off to his left before returning to her until they narrowed.

"Why are you crying?" he asked exactly as she spoke. "Where have you been?"

They both frowned at one another and Rey folded her arms across her chest shooting her best 'you first' glare down at him. He clenched his jaw, biting the inside of his cheek before he spoke. "I left the Order."

She may have suspected it, but hearing it was another thing entirely, her arms falling to her sides and her heart jumping into her throat.

"But... but you didn't go to the Resistance."

He sighed heavily, his head dropping back down. "There's no place for me there," he said, before lifting his head again and fixing her pointedly with a look. "There will never be a place for me there, Rey."

"But, you're-"

"I have my unfinished business with the Order but it won't be from the side of the Resistance. Beyond that, I don't have any answers for you." He paused, his expression softening slightly. "Not yet, anyway."

She had no response to that, and instead just nodded lamely.

"Well... Are you alright?" she asked gesturing to the yellowed bruises on his temple and the caked mud on his pants.

He seemed to consider her question for a moment. "I am," he replied simply, his eyes again darting over to his left and Rey felt she could almost hear the ghost of a chuckle, light with a gentle mirth.

"Is there someone there with you?" she asked and pressed against the wall in his mind for an answer and he pushed back harder, his jaw rolling before he gave an annoyed glare to the unseen figure.

"Who is there?" she asked, moving around as if to get a clearer line of sight.

"Rey..." he sighed, rising to his feet to step in front of her and she halted, his broad figure suddenly encompassing her entire view. His hands were lifted as if to rest them on her shoulders before he thought better of it and let them fall back to his side and she watched distractedly as his Adam's apple bobbed.

"My whole life I've had a voice in my head, whispering to me, pushing me..." he said, his voice low in that tone she felt was only ever meant for her.

She nodded, recalling his memories. "I saw."

"I thought it was Darth Vader, my Grandfather leading me in his footsteps," he scoffed and shook his head. "But it was Snoke. It was always Snoke." He swallowed and looked at her, his expression almost apologetic. "Its never been just me in here. I need to be alone in my head for awhile and keeping you out is exhausting."

She looked at her shoes, chagrined and feeling guilty. "I can do that," she murmured, already pulling back from his mind until he was no more then a glowing point in the back of hers. His shoulders relaxed and he stepped back.

"Thank you."

He turned away from her and she felt compelled to ask him something, unsure of when she would see him again.

"You will call on me, if you want me?" she asked in a rush and he froze, his posture going rigid. "Need me, I mean," she corrected, her face heating up. He looked at her over his shoulder and his chin dropped in a single nod.

"Will you?" he asked, the simple words feeling heavy to Rey's ears and for one wild second, she thought he was asking if she needed him until she realized he was offering to come to her aid should the situation arise.

"Yes," she replied, turning her head as she swept a lock of hair behind her ear to hide her blush. She was suddenly far too aware of the way the muscles of his back moved beneath his shirt, their paths twining down his arms in sinewy patterns.

She swore she heard the ghost laugh again as the connection shuttered closed.


	11. Chapter 11

The Trident blended in well with the bustle of ships in and out of Enarc, the perfect place to get lost in at the tail end of one of the Corellian trade routes, but all Rey could see were prying eyes and potential First Order informants. She pulled her scarf more firmly around her face, her other fingers drumming against her staff as she surveyed the crowd.

And then she felt him in the force, like warm sunshine against her skin.

She couldn't help the smile that broke out from behind her scarf as she followed his signature through the crowd until she found him, face hidden behind a respirator and the cane he leaned heavily against peaking from under his cloak. She shouldered into him before spinning her quarterstaff to halt just in front of his face.

"Watch it," she growled in feigned menace before moving on, knowing he would wait then follow her. Taking a winding path back to the Trident, she left the loading ramp down and positioned herself at the top of it, pulling the scarf past her chin. Several long minutes later, the cloaked figure limped up the ramp, his cane occasionally slipping on the worn metal surface until he met her in the belly of the Trident.

His eyes crinkled around the edges of his respirator before his hand reached up to pluck it from his face. The other shot out to toss the cane before he lifted and spun her in a tight hug. She tucked her chin into the curve of his neck, reveling in the simple, innocent joy of this reunion with her first friend and sent out a silent plea to the Force to always let them have this, no matter what the future held.

Finn set her back on her feet, giving her a once over.

"You look well."

"You sound surprised."

His eyes widened in mild horror. "What? No! I just worry about you on your own. I know you can take care of yourself, its just..." he sighed, giving her a small shrug, "well, I worry."

She couldn't find any words to respond at the moment, touched by his concern. After so many years of no one caring whether she lived or died beyond how much it would inconvenience them, Finn's friendship was still a marvel to her at times.

His hand squeezed her shoulder before he moved to the cockpit. "We should go. Less time here, less likely we'll be discovered."

She hit the close button to the ramp before following him out and Finn entered their coordinates into the console.

"Rori?" she asked, eyebrow raising at the output.

He nodded. "It's one of the moons of Naboo. Mostly forested swamps, pretty overgrown and has failed a few attempts of colonization so it is mostly uninhabited. We have a small base there, hidden in the terrain."

"Why so close to a First Order controlled world?"

Finn shrugged as the ship started to lift from the ground. "They expect us to stay near the Outer Rim so we're hiding right under their noses."

Rey smirked. "And who's idea was that?"

"Poe's but Leia approved it, before..." His voice trailed off and Rey gave him a moment as she pushed the Trident into FTL and set the autopilot. "We've picked up a few people from our scattered outposts but it's not near the amount we had hoped for. Our supplies are low, our benefactors drying up, and we are on the run." He shrugged. "Right now the only thing we have going in our favor is that the First Order also seems to be regrouping, and the Universe is just holding its breath."

Rey's brow furrowed and she turned to look at Finn more completely. "He... the First Order, they haven't tried to shake the Resistance down?"

He regarded her with the same look he had at their last holo conversation. "Not directly, no. Ren visited the core planets after Snoke's death to demonstrate the continued power of the First Order and had the arms dealers of Canto Bight stop production of Resistance craft. There is a bounty on several of our heads but... we don't appear to be actively pursued at this time. Still, it never hurts to be careful." He smiled, his eyes passing over her. "So, how's the Jedi... thing... coming along?"

Rey let out a small snort of a laugh. "Jedi thing?"

He grimaced and gave an apologetic shrug which just made her laugh harder.

"It's going, though I'm not sure it is a discipline that was supposed to be self taught. I nearly killed myself trying a Force technique and fried my first light saber construct." She jutted a thumb to the component box on top of her work table.

"And the table?"

Rey winced and scrunched up her nose at him. "I bumped into it?"

He eyed the sheared inch thick bolts and the way the box was sliding precariously to the edge of the before Rey reached out, halting it in place and gently nudging it back to center.

"Right. Well, we got a whole area of derelict ship parts at base. You might be able to find a replacement or at least something to level it out. I'll show you once we get there."

"Thanks, I'd appreciate it."

He seemed to find great interest in his thumb nail at that point. "And Ren? Have you seen him?"

Rey worried her lip between her teeth. It was always difficult to discuss Ben with anyone, the disclosure of even small, innocuous details feeling like a betrayal in some way.

"Just the once, right after I spoke to you."

"Any idea of where he is or what he's up to?"

Her mind supplied all sorts of details... bur instead she replied, "No. Just that he's left the Order. "

The light on her dash blinked just as they exited FTL, the ships autopilot already pulling them toward the moon and Rey was grateful for the distraction. Finn took over the comm to give clearance as she brought them down to dock.

A thick wall of humidity rolled over her as the ramp of the Trident opened and she made a face at Finn, flicking her fingers as if to shake off moisture.

"You get used to it," he replied but was already peeling off his disguise to better tolerate the thickened atmosphere around them. Her docking pod was connected to a central hub by a walkway over still water. She glanced over the edge, surprised to find it only a few feet deep, an occasional creature swimming in its murky depths. The swamp stretched to the very edge of the thick jungle that surrounded them on all sides, the rhythmic beat of insect and animal calls echoing over the water.

"How? By becoming part amphibian?" she muttered as she followed after him. A few people were milling around the docks but they all fell silent and still as she and Finn approached, their eyes all training on her. She recognized one of them from Crait, the young man smiling at her as they made eye contact. Rey smiled at each of the others in turn but it faltered as they just stared, their faces strangely blank and she swore she saw the wrench in one's hand tremble. She leaned toward Finn to ask him what that was about but her vision was completely obscured by over seven feet of thick fur.

"Chewie!" she hissed out from her suddenly compressed lungs but was drowned out by the enthusiastic Shyriiwook vocalizations and trills from a startled Porg on his shoulder.

A soldier approached, giving Rey a wary glance before turning their attention to Finn.

"Sir, there is an issue with some of the RZ interceptor engines."

"I could help with that," offered Rey, her voice muffled behind the mass of fur.

Finn shook his head. "It's a minor thing, we've had this happen once before... our fleet is getting old and even if we had the money, there are no sellers for our side right now. I'm going to check their progress and if it's more than before, I'll let you know." He turned to their friend. "Chewie, if you wouldn't mind showing Rey the yard and her accommodations, I'll catch up with you in a bit."

She watched him go, feeling both sad and proud. "Well, he's certainly embraced his new role."

Chewbacca hummed his confirmation before waving her after him thorugh the compound. She followed, nodding her understanding as he pointed out the notable areas. The base was small, the permanent structures housing the critical functions of the Resistance with a winding labyrinth of outdoor tents serving as housing, hers being on the far Northwest edge.

Chewie lead her to the 'yard', the organized debris containing all the spare equipment. They meandered around the supplies, Rey keeping her eye out for a hilt for her saber, and only halfheartedly considering fixing the table on her ship. Her perusal was interrupted by Chewbacca's low growls.

 _So it is true? He has left the Order?_ he asked her, the subtones of sadness seeping into his speech.

She nodded, finding it easier to talk to him about Ben. "I'm not sure where he has gone but he's realized that Snoke has been in his head since his childhood and he's trying to figure out what he is supposed to do now... at least that was the impression I got when we last spoke."

The Wookie nodded. _Good. Han... that's all he ever wanted._

"Chewie... do you forgive him? For what he did?" she asked.

 _No. Not yet._

"But you will?"

 _Depends on him, doesn't it?_

He reached up, gently scratching the Porg snoozing on his shoulder.

 _My debt to Han isn't over. Not quite yet._

* * *

The sleep clothes they had given her for her stay were odd, draping with a mostly open back, likely to allow for the fabric to breathe in such a humid climate. Rey was actually grateful for the sonic refresher. She was afraid she'd never feel dry again if her only option was a water bath on this tropical moon. The bedding was interesting as well, a thin fabric stretched between four poles that gave slightly with weight but she found she preferred it to the flattened stuffing of her bunk on the Trident, the raised platform allowing the thick air to at least circulate. Using the Force, she shut off the portable lantern in her tent and climbed onto the bed. The darkness was complete, her vision black and she amused herself for a few moments with her inability to tell the difference between when her eyes were open or close before settling in.

The opening of the bond took her by surprise and she stilled, uncertain of where exactly he was, though through his breathing she could tell he was close. Even without probing at the link between them, she could tell he was in a particularly somber mood, tendrils of his melancholy floating around them.

"Are you alright?" she whispered into the dark from her back, her fingers gently tracing the fabric beneath her. He did not answer for a long moment but she could hear a slight rustle of movement, like hair sliding across fabric.

"Yes," he replied, his voice sounding rough from disuse and Rey can feel her skin prick with sudden awareness of his proximity. _Kriff_ , it was as if he was right next to her, and she felt a compulsion to keep talking, to do anything to keep her from focusing on his proximity.

"Where are you?"

She could hear him take in a breath and hold it, as if deciding on his answer.

"M-10," he said finally. "Coordinates 1942.44 by -89.52."

Rey blinked into the dark, the location unfamiliar to her. "What's there?"

"Nothing. Just empty space."

"Oh," she responded, her confusion evident in her tone.

"Where are you?" he asked, almost in a rush as if eager for a change in topic.

"Rori."

Her answer had been immediate and seemed to surprise him, almost as if he hadn't expected an answer. He moved again, this time his hand brushing against the one at her side but he pulled it back quickly, a mumbled apology following right behind. Her skin tingled at the contact and she fought the urge to reach out and pull his hand back.

The darkness felt almost stifling as the bond closed, leaving her with a nagging, unclear disappointment.


	12. Chapter 12

_No._ -clink- _No._ -clink- _No._ -clink-

She discarded one piece of scrap after the other, the monotony of her three day search wearing on her. This one too heavy, this one the diameter too small, this one the wrong material. What kind of scavenger was she if she couldn't find something useful in the treasure trove of trash?

The yard was strangely quiet, the tossed pieces echoing loudly as they bounced along the floor. She'd been at this for hours, frustrated her years of scavenging did not seem to be helping her riffle though the extensive collection. Blowing some of the hair that had come loose from her braid out of her face, she climbed down from her pile, careful not to fall. Wiping her grease smeared palms on her pant legs, she stepped forward and froze as her eyes landed on her quarterstaff where she had left it propped against the exit.

It was like she was seeing it for the first time and she summoned it to her, it flying effortlessly into her hand. She held the larger end with the trifin up for her inspection. It had been her prized possession for as long as she could remember, salvaged from a wreck she had been fortunate enough to be the first to come across after a great storm unearthed it. Light with weighted metals ends of Mandalorian iron, he had mucked it up with paint and dirt to hide its value from the keen, greedy eyes of the Nima Outpost.

She felt like a fool for not thinking of it sooner, the perfect hilt for her new light saber. But to use it would mean the destruction of her staff, a thought that pained her far more than she anticipated.

"Rey!"

She looked up from her musings, a smile breaking across her face as she saw Poe walking toward her, his arm already outstretched in greeting. She clasped his hand with both of hers, squeezing it tightly.

"Poe... General Poe, as so I've heard."

He waved his hand dismissively, instead clapping his palm onto her shoulder. "It's good to see you. Sorry I wasn't here when you arrived, I just got planet side. You look well."

"I am."

"Actually, I've got Finn and Rose waiting for us. There's something we wanted to discuss with you."

* * *

She entered the conference room, taking note of the two standard guards at the far end of the room before focusing on Rose and Finn who smiled nervously at her. It was odd to see them here, in the seat of command, though she supposed with so much of the senior leadership gone, many a rapid promotion had occurred in her absence.

She looked at Poe who was working his way around the table, her smile falling to a more unnatural set.

"What is this about?"

He breathed in deeply, his shoulders setting in a firm line.

"If Kylo Ren has really left the Order and their leadership is in chaos, this is opportunity we should capitalize on. We don't have any other advantages at this point."

She blinked. "What did you have in mind?"

"This connection between you and Ren, can you see into his thoughts? He did it to me when I was captured but I didn't know if it was a proximity thing or what."

Finn cleared his throat. "We want you to get information out of Ren, anything we could use to disrupt the First Order."

Her stomach dropped as she recalled Ben's accusation to her on the way to Ilum.

 _"No, you wanted to turn Ben Solo back to the light. A defector that would be a great boon to the flagging Resistance. How they would celebrate you..."_

Her head was already shaking. "I'll share anything he gives willingly but I'm not going to violate his mind."

Rose sighed with frustration. "Rey, this is important."

"I can't. I won't. There would be no faster way to drive him back to the Dark Side."

"Could you do it in a way he wouldn't know?"

Her eyes narrowed. "He would know."

"The First Order has us on the run. We have no resources. Our ships are old. We can barely repair them," said Poe. "This might be our only chance. We have to take it."

"You don't understand what you're asking-"

"Rey-"

"No!" she shouted, her hand slamming down on the table for emphasis, and the legs crumpled under strike. Rey jerked her hand back in surprise and her head snapped up at the sound of safeties clicking off blasters.

"Put that away!" yelled Poe, his hand wrapping around the barrel of the nearest officer's gun. The man's eyes flicked from his general to Rey, uncertainty and fear swimming in their depths before he reluctantly stowed his weapon.

"Leave us," said Poe, jerking his head for the other officer to follow.

Rey waited until they left, their piercing eyes following her the entire time.

"Snoke had been in his head since he was a baby- _a baby_ \- whispering in his ear, manipulating him, feeding him propaganda," she said, her voice quiet but stern. "It would be unforgivable for me to do that to him too."

"This is Kylo Ren. He's in no position to judge anyone for their actions in war."

" _I_ wouldn't forgive me!"

"This is the First Order! They stole children and turned them into slave storm troopers. They used my home world to test their weapons. They killed my sister," said Rose, her voice breaking.

"He was complicit in the genocide of the entire Hosnian system," added Poe.

"He fought that decision. He argued against both Starkiller Base and the order to use it."

"And he still stayed with the First Order."

"Not any longer," she paused taking a deep breath. "His father loved him but was afraid of what he could become. His mother was dedicated to the New Republic and not there when he needed her. He was sent to his uncle when he was deemed too dangerous, his uncle who in a moment of weakness stood over him as he slept, and considered killing him because of Snoke." She paused, her eyes dropping to the floor. "I know he had other choices. I know he still shoulders some responsibility but from his perspective the Resistance took his family away and the Jedi tried to kill him. It at least makes sense that he would do what he did."

"He should face justice, Rey."

"Justice? What about us? Not everyone on Star Killer Base were First Order soldiers. Some were contracted technicians, engineers, custodial staff... we killed them all because they were acceptable casualties for our cause." She brought a finger up to Poe's face. "Your decisions at D'Qar-" she swung her gaze to Rose and Finn "-and your decisions at Canto Bight got nearly all of our people killed. Where is their justice? Where are your consequences?"

"Rey," said Finn, soft and pleading, "What if he's gotten into your head? He's been using the Force forever. He could be manipulating you and you not even know it.",

"He's not-"

"Think about it, please!" he shouted. "He killed his own father while he was unarmed. He attacked us both, nearly killing me. Then you find yourself connected to him and all of a sudden you want to help him, you leave behind Luke Skywalker, you risk your life on the Supremacy for him, and for what? What has he done for you?" She could hear the anger and confusion in Finn's voice. He didn't understand. None of them did. "He left the First Order but he could have been ousted. Or maybe its a trick to get to you, the last of the Jedi. You do remember what he did to the others? Surely they all didn't try to kill him. He could have just left but he destroyed them all."

"Because they created him!" she shot back. "Do you know what I've found in those books about the precious Jedi? An Order that took young children away, never to let them see their families again. An Order that told them not to love and to put the tenets of their beliefs above all else. An Order that had no patience for a scared child and instead of listening to why he was afraid, told him to bottle it away, though they made no effort to do the same to their own fear when it came to him. "

She took a deep breath.

"The Jedi were wrong."

She didn't have to read their minds to know what they were thinking. She could see it in the firm set of Poe's jaw, Rose's clenched fist, and Finn's watery eyes.

 _You sound like him. Like Kylo Ren._

She summoned her staff to her hand and turned, stalking out the room.

* * *

She felt restless, itching for a fight. Anything to distract her from running the argument over and and over in her head. She inhaled deeply, trying to calm her mind and exhaled in a long measured breath, but it only ruffled the loose hair at her forehead, the falling strands tickling her nose and she brushed them away angrily.

She rolled onto her back just as the telltale brush of the force washed over her, warmth starting to radiate from her side.

"They are frightened of me," she said into the dark.

"They should be."

Reflex made her turn her head sharply though she knew she wouldn't be able to see him.

"I've done nothing but help them."

"It does not matter whether or not you've done something to earn their fear. You command the Force and they do not know how to counteract it or if they even can. Regardless of where they are from, they've all heard stories. True, fabricated, embellished, or abridged… it doesn't matter. They've taken those stories and made them into something in their heads of which you are now the walking personification." He took in a breath before exhaling slowly. "And if they knew how powerful you really are, the idiots would be on their knees instead of raising a blaster to you."

She whetted her lips in the dark, his praise making her both uncomfortable and mystified.

"I am not that powerful."

She heard his light scoff. "You fought off my invasion into your mind and were able to read my deepest thoughts without any training. You used a Jedi mind trick to escape right under the noses of the First order, and you bested me in your first ever light saber duel."

She rolled her eyes. "This link between us allowed me to do it, allowed me to access some of your abilities. And as far as that night in the forest, you were bleeding out and-"

There was an abrupt rustle of fabric on his side just before she felt his hand clamp down on her wrist, the firmness of his grip just shy of painful.

"Rey, you defeated the First of the Praetorian Guard, escaped the most fortified ship of the First Order, saved the Resistance from annihilation, and invaded the mind of every First Order officer from across the galaxy _unintentionally_ and with minimal training. And you did not learn that last one from me. It is not a skill I possess. I saw your mind. Skywalker was afraid of you and how important you are."

She swallowed thickly, a bit shocked at his outburst.

"I thought I was nothing," she replied, trying for some levity but it fell horribly flat, his hand loosening his grip from where he still held her.

"I was careless with my words," he said quietly after a long beat of silence. "That's not what I meant. Not even close."

Rey felt that same rush of emotion that had first reared its head when their fingers touched, stealing her breath in a sharp inhalation. Though Rey had only ever held her own counsel on her worth, it was strangely touching to find he thought of her with such high regard.

"I don't want to rule over people. I only want control over my own life."

He let out a long, low sigh. "I know. I thought that was what I was offering. I see now that was not the case. I should not have asked that of you."

His fingers released her but this time she moved quickly, capturing his wrist before he could move away. To her surprise, he did not snatch it away, instead just slowly lowering it to rest between them.

She almost jerked her hand back, her heart racing, but it was the matching rise of his pulse under her fingers tips that stayed her position. She increased the pressure of her fingertips, feeling the steady thrum of his heartbeat under them, the wall between their thoughts becoming gossamer thin. She could feel his anxiety and she started to remove her hand.

 _No, don't-_

His thought slipped through the bond before he abruptly cut it off, slivers of embarrassment radiating toward her... but she kept her hand where it was.

The darkness was both a blessing as she slid her fingers over his skin, slowly tracing the patterns of scars and veins that criss-crossed over top. She didn't think she could do this if he were watching her, those fathomless eyes making her feel exposed and vulnerable. His tendons tensed underneath her, like an animal ready to spring until little by little, they relaxed, as his breathing paradoxically speeding up.

She slid along those tendons, down to the tips of his fingers, noting at the size and the length of them that dwarfed her own and recalled holding his lightsaber. The unwieldy and heavy thing had required her to grip it with two hands for any measure of control while he easily maneuvered it with his one.

Her memory was interrupted when his thumb reached up, hooking gently over her little finger, holding it.

She felt ridiculous for being so overwhelmed by this small caress. And then she remembered his memory of carrying her on Takodana, his first non violent touch in years, significant to him even through layers of linen and leather.

How long had it been since he'd held another person? Who had been the last before her?

Affection was something fairly new to her, the hugs or friendly touches shared between herself and Finn or Chewie, but it had never felt like this, the light touch making her warm all over causing something both deliciously wicked and yet tender curl in her abdomen. It felt dangerous, more perilous than even when he had pressed her against a bottomless ravine on an imploding planet.

 _Did he feel it too?_

And then quickly, he shifted his hand so her fingers slipped between his and she instinctively interlaced them. It was slightly awkward, her hand wrapping over the back of his much larger one, fingers loosely intertwined and still, as if either of them were afraid to move. She held her breath at the gentle, slightly tentative way they touched, hyperaware of every point of contact between them.

She could still feel the ghost of his fingers long after the bond closed.


	13. Chapter 13

Rey turned her face into the cool air, a soft smile gracing her features.

"See you got it fixed, eh?" she asked as she turned the corner to find Chewie closing a control on the Falcon. He gave her a grunt of affirmation before turning, his long arms falling to his side and a low purr emanating from his chest. He was waiting.

Rey gave him a tight smile and folded her arms over her chest. "You've heard about my disagreement with the others, I take it." She caught his nod out of the corner of her eye as she reached to wipe a smudge off the console.

"Do you think I'm wrong?" she asked warily.

Chewbacca's devotion to Han was extraordinary, his loyalty to Leia unwavering. If a fraction of that extended to their son, perhaps he could reaffirm her conviction that she had made the right choice.

The Wookie shrugged. _I don't know him anymore._

Rey nodded and slid into one of the pilot chairs. "What was he like? As a child, I mean?"

She made sure the connection to Ben was firmly closed before she asked, uncertain how he would feel about her seeking information about him from his family.

 _Smart. And affectionate,_ he rumbled, moving to sit in his own seat. A mournful tone underlined his words and Rey wished she could see the memories she knew he was shuffling through. She imagined a black mop headed boy clinging to Leia's robes.

 _But he was... fragile in a way, almost like he had a hunted look about him. A babe shouldn't ever have that. We didn't know why until it was too late._

He looked off through the window before continuing. _He could be frightening when he had his outbursts…_ Chewie nodded at a large dent in the support around the door behind her.

 _He did that when he was five._

"Why?"

 _He didn't want Han to leave._

Rey sucked in a breath, remembering her own frightened voice shouting at the indifferent thrusters of a ship.

"Why did he go? If Ben needed him, if it was really that bad, why did he go?"

 _Han deferred to Leia and Luke when it came to the Force. They thought it for the best that Ben go to his uncle._ The Wookie rubbed his brow, looking uncharacteristically worn for a species that lived so long.

 _Ben was a surprise. Han and Leia did not intend to bring a child into such uncertain times and into their chaotic lives. They loved him, the best they knew how, but Han had always been worried. What Luke and Leia had seemed like too much power for one person to wield. He thought he would not have had the fortitude to remain on the light side of the Force if he had been in their position. He was afraid he had passed on that weakness to his son. I think he would have given anything for Ben to have been born like him, to not have that burden. And then as Ben became more unstable... Everything Han instinctively wanted to do, the Jedi code said was wrong. He was told his distance would be to Ben's benefit, that cutting family ties would allow him to calm and control himself. It killed him to see Ben's struggle and to not know how to help. He left completely when he found out that Luke and Leia had kept Snoke's influence from him. How could he fight such mystical Forces with a blaster and a ship? It all felt beyond him._

Chewbacca paused to watch a ship land in the distance.

 _He regretted it in the end. I know he wished he'd tried to find Snoke years ago and put an end to him. At least he would have felt he would have tried. At least Ben would have felt he tried._

He chuffed at her and she looked up from where her gaze had fallen to the floor.

 _What will you do?_

She gave him a wavering smile and stood. "I'm going to protect Ben Solo. Though, admittedly I don't know how to go about doing that," she finished, rubbing the back of her neck.

He nodded his approval.

 _You can stay on the Falcon, if you like. You could take Han and Leia's old space. Plutt gutted it all except the frame so it's just an empty room and a new mattress though you may find a Porg or two in there still._

She smiled her thanks, this one much brighter than before. "I could help you fix up the ship too, yeah?" she asked flicking some exposed wires with her finger. "I'll see if I can find some replacements in the yard and I'll be back later this evening with my things."

He nodded then turned his attention back to the front of the cockpit as Rey started down the hall. Her steps halted with a sudden thought, and she turned before she was out of view.

"Chewie, does sector M-10, 1942.44 by -89.52 mean anything to you?"

There was so long a pause that she almost repeated the question, unsure if he had heard her.

 _Alderaan,_ he rumbled finally. _It's where Alderaan last was._

She returned to the Falcon hours later, hovering a crate of components behind her along with her meager possessions slung in a satchel over her shoulder. The room Chewie intended for her was not difficult to find as she had passed by it repeatedly during her stay on board before. Her bag slid from her shoulder as she glanced around the small space, her eyes skimming over the sleeping arrangements to the small door leading to a compact refresher. She stuck her head in, noting that it was too small for a real shower but at least gave her a place to freshen up and use the bathroom. She leaned back out and spun on her heel, pressing her back against a wall.

Chewie had not been exaggerating. The room was stripped of any personalization with even the aesthetic paneling missing here and there to reveal the rumbling guts of the machinery underneath. The only thing that hinted a couple had once occupied the space was the wielded frame of the bed that had been widen and lengthened beyond standard size and ate into the already limited floor space. She sighed in relief that it felt like just a room and not some shrine she was desecrating with her presence.

 _Alderaan,_ she thought, _He had gone to his mother's home planet._

She tried again to imagine him as a young child, running across this very floor, and leaping into his mother's arms. It must have happened. At least once. The Leia she knew had not been cold or unfeeling.

She glanced up from her imaginings and inhaled sharply to see him standing in the far corner of the room, his tall form covered in a non-descript beige traveling cloak with the hood pulled up to shroud his face. She blinked rapidly against the strangeness the picture presented.

On the surface, the reason for his garb was obvious. He was a tall man with distinct features, the tan cloak allowing him to blend into most crowds and conceal his face. But the light colors looked all wrong, far too close to the robes the dull-eyed, reformed Ben had worn in her mind and yet still reminiscent of the black one from when they first met and he was just a masked predator stalking her in the woods.

He lowered his hood, his eyes flicking uselessly around her before settling back on her face.

"Where are you?" he asked, his frame rigid.

"Rori. Same as before."

He shook his head. "No. _Where_ are you?"

She hesitated. "The Falcon."

His jaw worked before he looked away and huffed out a short breath as if he had expected her answer. "Of course you are."

"Are you still at Alderaan?" she blurted out, almost surprised at herself.

His head whipped back to her and he frowned. "No," he answered after a beat.

Rey raised an eyebrow, waiting.

"What does it matter where I am?" he asked and her heart clenched at his tone. He sounded as if he was truly seeking an answer. The words locked behind her teeth but filtered across their bond.

 _It matters to me._

The lines between his eyes creased and his lips thinned as he pressed them together, looking almost pained before he sighed.

"Naboo," he said softly.

Her eyes widened in fear. She could go outside and see that very same planet. Her heart started to race that he was so nearby. It had to be fear, right? That he may be coming after her. She did not have another word for this jittery knot in her stomach that seemed to clamp a phantom hand around her chest and make it difficult to breathe.

"Why?" she asked sharply and his expression went flat.

"I'm not after your precious Resistance," he replied evenly.

She blinked quickly again, surprised to feel disappointed. Some of her emotions must have leaked through the connection because he tilted his head and frowned at her as if she were a particularly confounding puzzle.

"I know," she said, dropping her eyes to the floor. "I believe you, I do."

She could see his feet shuffle and then still, the only sound as the silence stretched out.

"That heap of junk barely manages to heave itself out of hyperspace and remain intact," he said finally.

"I'm repairing it."

"Don't waste your time. It's not worth it. It's not worth anything."

"I _like_ fixing broken things," she replied, lifting her chin in defiance.

He pinned her with back with a glare. "Some things cannot be fixed."

"That doesn't make them worthless."

She heard him scoff in a way that sounded suspiciously like _'kriffing scavenger'_ under his breath.

"That ship is on the most wanted list of every merc and bounty hunter worth their salt in this galaxy. Unless you want to shoot your way out of every port, I recommend you find a new one."

He snapped his hood back over his head and faded from view.

Sagging against the wall, Rey groaned. After the strange intimacy of the night before, this was more than frustrating. But this was how it was with them… three steps forward, one step back, then one step forward two steps back, on and on in an uncoordinated dance she could never hope to learn the rhythm of to maneuver smoothly.

Hearing a soft flutter, she knelt on the ground to peer under the bed and smiled at the nesting porgs underneath.

"Cute little blighters," she muttered and straightened before lifting a small box of adapters and converters to return to the frayed wires she had spotted earlier that day.

The next couple of days were companionably spent with Chewie, the two of them managing to only get into one or two sniping matches about the best way to definitively repair Plutt's modification on the hyperdrive. Her nights were spent designing her new light saber hilt that would accommodate the vented power. It was exhilarating, as if the Force itself was guiding her in this endeavor, though for now her staff remained intact. She couldn't bring herself to dismantle it until it was time.

With a quick explanation to Chewie, she descended the ramp and marched over the marsh and past the yard to the main hanger. Her schematics were uploaded into the polymer printer for analysis and she couldn't help the grin that broke over her face as she hit the start button. Always fascinated with machinery, she pulled up a seat as the arms inside the glass casing darted this way and that, building up layer upon layer for her mold.

Mesmerized, she felt she could watch this for hours, and considered the Force. Luke said it was part of all living things but could it be here, in the magic of technology.

 _No,_ she frowned. _No droids were Jedi._

Her thoughts were interrupted by approaching footsteps and she looked up to see Finn. He seemed to steel himself before grabbing a nearby chair to place it next to hers. She hated this awkwardness between them, hated this gnawing feeling that they were reaching a metamorphosis of their friendship that would test its strength, and hated that she felt helpless to shore up its foundations before the oncoming storm.

"I don't want to fight with you Rey. I don't like how it makes me feel and I hate the idea that I hurt you. But we do have to talk about some difficult things."

She nodded and reached over to clasp his hand. "I know. Neither of us started out wanting to be a part of this, and yet here we are in the center of it all."

"I need you to help me understand this thing between you and Kylo Ren. Not the Resistance, me."

She squeezed his hand before letting it go. "I'm not really sure, myself, Finn. It's a Force bond, similar to ones the Jedi and the Sith used to use but there are some aspects that don't really fit. I thought it started when he took me on Takodana but I knew him before that, in my dreams and he had seen me years ago, a vision from the Force in the rain. A bond isn't supposed to form until people meet and even then it is usually formed intentionally."

His brow pinched as he blew out a breath, his lips curling in mild disgust. "You think the Force is willing this connection between you two? To turn him?"

Rey's face scrunched in contemplation. "No. Ben will never be a Jedi."

"Then why? What other purpose could there be?"

"I could just help him. Keep him from fully embracing the dark side again. That would be enough, I think."

Finn looked at her skeptically and she ran her fingers through her hair. "I don't know, Finn. Everything…. It's all changing so quickly, and I have no idea what's going on or why and no one to explain it. I never have, I suppose."

Finn laughed lightly. "I've only ever had someone telling me what to do. At least here they listen to what I have to say and don't threaten me with execution."

She smiled briefly before looking back at her hands. "He's the only one who might be able to give me any answers."

"Is that why you want to protect him?"

"No," she said quietly, taking a deep breath. She felt like the walls were pressing in on her, fate conspiring to make her answer a question she had been avoiding for months now. "He's..." She paused, shaking her head. "This connection… I see him, I can hear him, I feel what he feels. It's like he's a part of me now. I can't just walk away from that."

Finn blew out a breath of air again and looked at her, worry etched on his features. "So that's where you'll go? To him?"

"No," she answered quickly. "I'm going to learn what I can of the Jedi. The First Order still has other Force users. I'll need to be prepared."

Her attention was drawn to the polymer printer as it opened, spitting out the two plastic forms. She stood up, taking them in hand and holding them together. They extended slightly longer than her forearm, the diameter of it fitting easily in her grip.

"Is that what I think it is?" he asked, coming up to stand beside her.

"Yeah," she replied a little breathless. Even in this rudimentary form, it felt right, the Force humming its approval.

"Finn?"

"Yes?"

"Where's the foundry?"


	14. Chapter 14

She stared at the two wooden boxes, chewing on her lip while her thumbnail worked the cloth grip that was formerly attached to her staff. It was quiet, Rey being the only one left in the foundry and sitting pensively in a dark corner. The castings had been set for the last hour but she couldn't bring herself to open them, doing so feeling overwhelming, like one more irreversible step.

She snorted in frustration. Her staff had already been dismantled. What difference does it make now? Of all the things she had done thus far, why did this feel so difficult?

 _Because you are letting go._

She frowned at the thought. Was that the same as letting the past die? His phrasing had never sat well with her. Just because something ends doesn't mean it relinquishes the hold it has on you... her relationship with her parents was testimony to that fact.

 _Letting it go, however, does._

Deciding, she set the metal rod to the side and slid the lock bolts free, digging her fingers into the sand until her skin skimmed cold, unyielding iron. She pulled back, clumps of sand and newly created glass falling away from the dark grey metal that gleamed underneath.

A bead of sweat trickled down her temple as she repeated the process for the other half, her heart thrumming and she lifted her multitool. Long minutes ticked by as she set to work meticulously clipping off errant scraps of metal from each piece then rose to kick on the grinder to file down the remainder.

After the hilt had finally been worked smooth enough to safely house the components, she stretched her fingers that had been made near numb from the vibration of the machinery. She wished to continue her work, feeling vulnerable without either her staff or light saber, but she had put off her sleep cycle far too long and was more likely to make a mistake than not. With a sigh, she wrapped the pieces in a cloth and trudged back down the path that lead to the Falcon. A bead of sweat trickled down her shoulder blades and she grimaced at the humidity that permeated even the indoor spaces.

A half hour later she exited the main refresher on the Falcon muttering the praises of dehumidified air-conditioning to herself as she made her way to her small quarters, rolling her shoulders to work out the stiffness that had developed from long hours hunched over. Her fingers were getting caught in the snags of her hair as she haphazardly combed them through when she drew up short upon the threshold of her door.

At first it was faint, the sound of jagged staccato breathing reverberating throughout the room. She blinked and he was there, his long form twisted in the sheets of his bunk. His eyes were closed but his mouth moved with agitated mutterings, a thin sheen of sweat forming over his brow and exposed torso.

Rey hesitated a moment before touching his mind, flashes of his dream appearing before her and she felt suddenly ill.

He was on the catwalk, watching his father fall over and over again. This time he tried to catch Han, his fingers seeming to always swipe at air just short of his body.

She pulled out of his head, unable to just let him suffer in the anguish rolling off him in waves.

She reached for him, her fingers stretching tentatively toward his bare shoulder when he moved suddenly, eyes flying open. A guttural roar escaped him as he bolted upright, his features twisted and suddenly awash in a red glow as his shoulders heaved in deep pants. He blinked, confused recognition filling his eyes that was immediately followed by horror.

Rey's jaw fell open as her eyes followed his alight saber blade... the one now pushed through her abdomen.

She looked back at Ben when she heard him inhale sharply, his face pale and lower jaw trembling as if he were trying to speak. She did not move, afraid even a breath could worsen the wound, though somehow she felt no pain.

All in time, she was sure.

In her peripheral vision, she saw his hand fumble as he thumbed off the emitter, the hilt clattering to the ground, grey hues replacing the red.

One of his hands immediately pressed against her stomach and she instinctively flinched. And yet, still she felt nothing.

Her hand closed over his and she lifted it away, steeling herself...

But instead of ruined cloth, her tunic was whole and unmarred. A choked, disbelieving sound bubbled out from her lips as she lifted the hem of the shirt to see the skin of her abdomen intact.

Fine. She was completely, utterly fine.

Her shoulders sagged in relief and she squeezed the hand she still held, a small incredulous laugh escaping her as she looked up... and froze.

Ben was shaking, his lips an alarming shade of white and he scrambled back on the bed, his hand pulling out of hers as he ran it repeatedly though his hair.

 _You nearly killed her. You only ever ruin-_

"I'm... I'm alright, Ben. I promise," she whispered as if speaking to a frightened animal and interrupting his thoughts.

He jerkily nodded his understanding, his eyes seeming to look anywhere but her.

"I sleep with it, my lightsaber..." he trailed off, his voice breaking and he stood from the bed, stalking away to put some distance between them.

 _Ever since Luke_ , his mind finished.

She shifted on her feet, unable to think of an appropriate response to dispel the tension of the situation as she stared at him as he stood rigidly on the other side of the room. The scar that etched down his face to his shoulder was as prominent as ever and she wondered why he hadn't tried to have it healed properly to minimize its appearance. But, as her eyes scanned down the rest of his half turned away form, it did not appear as if he ever sought aesthetic attention for any of his injuries, though bit of guilt stabbed at her heart to see the ones she gifted him were by far the worst, even the smaller starburst burn on his left shoulder from where she had jabbed his grandfather's blade into his flesh.

 _Cor, he must think of me every time he looks in the mirror or undresses._

The thought makes her feel strangely unsettled and her eyes cast desperately around the room, catching sight of her new casing and she snatched it up, pulling the cloth from the pieces to show him.

"I destroyed the last one," she said, wrinkling her nose at the abruptness of her rejoinder.

His downcast gaze lifted briefly to her face in confusion before alighting on the objects in her hand and he stepped closer.

"What happened to the first?" he asked, his voice still flat.

"My crystal, it's cracked. When I constructed my first hilt, I used a non-resistant metal and did not include a vent."

She looked at her palm, missing the way his eyes snapped up when she mentioned the condition of her crystal.

"I'm lucky it just burned my hand instead of taking off a limb," she continued, shaking her head at her poor choice.

"Mandalorian iron," he murmured, looking impressed before his mouth drew down in a frown. "Your proportions are off."

She scowled at him and pulled her bundle back slightly. "They are not."

One eyebrow arched up. "They are, unless you-" His voice cut off as he looked back at her work, his head tilting in contemplation. "Where's the vent?"

She only smirked as a reply and the corner of his mouth tilted up. "It's a staff. The vent will be your second blade."

"Sort of," she confirmed. "The blades won't be even and the hilt will conceal most of the vent, leaving a smaller emission from the back."

"A pike, then," he supplied, nodding.

She grinned brightly in response, proud of her creation as they locked gazes. He returned her smile with a small one of his own and Rey felt herself startle. It had not been much of a smile, just the slightest bowing upward of the lips but it had reached his eyes, crinkling the corners and softening the dark depths, the effect she found alarmingly pleasing. A haughty aristocrat, a reluctant kin slayer, an enraged warrior, a melancholy lost prince, a handsome, kind man... How could one person have so many different faces? Had she even seen them all?

His brows furrowed, the smile dropping, and he stepped back from her, looking at an invisible wall as silence descended over them once again.

"I've left Naboo. So you don't have to worry anymore," he said softly.

"I wasn't," she replied, earning her a skeptical glance. "Where will you go next?" she asked, setting her bundle aside.

"Corellia."

"But... that's a core world. The First Order controls it."

"I am aware."

She frowned at him, her arms crossing over her chest, her mind whirling. "Where did you go first? Right after you defected?"

He studied her and answered, almost as if he wanted to see if she'd put it together. "Dagobah."

Her face scrunched up when she did not recognize the name.

"What's there?"

"About one hundred thousand square miles of the most putrid swamp you can imagine, infested with the most troublesome of creatures," he replied, his lip curling in mild disgust.

 _Dagobah, Alderaan, Naboo, Corellia..._

 _A swampland, empty space, a scarred planet, and a core world..._

"I don't understand. What are you looking for?"

A dark, short chuff of laughter escaped him accompanied by a sardonic twist of his lips. "The same thing you are. An answer to the question."

The words left her lips as she thought them.

 _Who am I?_

His silence was confirmation enough.

"What were you doing? When you, you know-" she asked with genuine curiosity a few moments later, miming his earlier pushing of his hand against her abdomen. "Lightsaber wounds don't bleed."

His cheeks colored lightly, the brief flush extending down his pale chest before it disappeared and she found it strangely endearing.

"I was going to try to heal you," he replied shaking his head as if the thought was ridiculous. "It would have been useless anyway."

"The Force can do that?" she asked, voice tinged with astonishment.

"It has its limitations, but it can help."

"Why would it have been useless then?"

He scowled. "Darkside users can't heal. Not in that way, at least."

"Could you ever?"

"Some, when I was training, but it never came easily."

"Does that happen frequently? Abilities changing?"

He shrugged. "Sometimes. After..." he paused, moving to sit on the edge of his bed. "After Starkiller base, I struggled with the less tangible uses of the Force. It wouldn't heed my commands and when it did, it took significantly more effort on my part."

"And now?"

He looked her over again. "It's returning," he said finally.

"When did it-" she started to ask but stopped mid sentence as he blinked out of view. Her arms fell limply to her sides as she stared at the vacated space, the sudden sparseness of her room making it feel infinitely colder than just moments before. With a sigh she put away her things and settled in for the night, giving into sleep far later than she intended, a fact couldn't bring herself to regret in the least.


	15. Chapter 15

Rey peered through one closed eyelid, looking down at the text in front of her, and reread the paragraph before focusing to once gain attempt the Curato Salva. She relaxed several long moments later, and prodded at the place on her arm that had been bruised. The dark purple tinge was now gone, leaving only a mild soreness in its place. It wasn't much but after hours of nothing, she considered it a first successful attempt at healing.

She unfolded from her meditation pose and rolled to her stomach on her bunk, pulling open the drawer that housed the books underneath. She replaced the recently used one and nearly closed it when she stopped.

 _Coarse rancor hide, supple Sullust leather, Gallian cobra skin..._

Leaning over the side of her bed, she cataloged the varying textures, the calloused pads of her finger sliding over the spines of the books in appreciation of their differences in appearance and feel. She supposed she would always be drawn to such things after a lifetime of beige and rough linens. Even the well worn sheets underneath her now were softer than anything she had worn on Jakku.

Her tactile perusal halted on one she had not noticed before, its thin papery spine wedged between two larger volumes. She gingerly slipped it out, her brows rising as she took in the faint impression on the cover.

She had seen it before on Ahch-to, a mosaic in a shallow pool, a figure half in shadow, half in light, the body the inverse of its surroundings.

The Force hummed around her and her breathing picked up, anticipation rising.

Maybe this would help her understand, give her knowledge on the Force that actually resonated with her...

She opened it, and her face fell.

The flowing script was in a language she had not seen before nor did it resemble any she knew. Looking closely at the markings cramped line upon line with the occasional black smudge, she was struck with the realization that the entire tome had been written by hand. Rey jerked her fingers back in fear that she would damage the delicate work while her eyes continued to trace the looping and varied strokes. She had never seen anything of its like before, finding the ornate lettering beautiful in an abstract sort of way, drawn to the meaning hiding in the chaos.

 _What would you tell me?_

Lifting it, she sniffed the parchment on an impulse and found the earthy aroma of the book strangely appealing... comforting, even.

A soft clearing of a throat had her closing the book and jumping to her feet to see Finn peering into the room.

"Hey," she said smiling softly. The tension between them had eased considerably since their talk but the pauses between their sentences were just a fraction too long, their gazes flicking away just one too many times during a lull. It still was a bit off.

"What you got there?" he asked with a nod to the item she still held.

"Just one of the books I took from Master Luke. Not that I can understand a word of it... Mostly I'm just admiring it."

He stepped towards her as she held it out for his inspection and his brows lifted.

"Wow. This looks like it was all done by hand... on real paper."

"Any of it look familiar to you? I'd like to translate it, if I could."

He skimmed over several lines before shaking his head with a frown. "No, sorry Rey. They only taught us Basic." He raised his eyebrow at her in amused disbelief. "You're the one who learned how to speak Wookie and droid by yourself in a desert. Can't you figure it out?"

"Shyriiwook and binary," she corrected, knowing he just did it for her benefit before taking back the book. "Perhaps. It would take some time though. I saw all sorts of alphabets and cryptics while at Nima but this... I'm sure I would have remembered something so beautiful."

She sighed and bent to slide the book back into place before turning to look at Finn again. "You looked like you had something to tell me. Is everything alright?"

Finn's shoulders slumped and he sighed, running his hand over his head. "No, actually. We've received word from Takodana that there's been an uptick in First Order activity in planets between the Colonies and the Western Reaches. Nothing huge, mostly smaller craft with minimal crew but they all appear to be armed to the teeth."

"Scouting for us?" she asked.

"Perhaps. But they aren't sending enough to decimate us if they find us."

Rey shrugged. "There are lots of places to hide and avoid being seen on a desolate planet. I could go weeks without seeing another being on Jakku all the time. Perhaps they are trying to cover more ground until they are certain."

His head tilted in acknowledgement. "Yeah... well, if you talk to, you know, _him..._ could you ask if he's aware of any significance?"

She bit the inside of her cheek before resolving to at least ask the next time they connected. "I'will."

"Thank you," he replied, his back straightening and lines smoothing across his face in relief. "We did get some good news today. Heard back from an ally of the Resistance who says he's got some ships and supplies in the Outer Rim, near Mon Calamari. We just have to go meet him."

"That sounds like a trap."

Finn snorted gently. "That's what I said but Poe assured me he could be trusted. "

"When are you leaving?"

"Soon. We'll have to stagger the departures to avoid suspicion so it will take some time." He paused. "Will you come with us?"

"Unless the Force leads me on another path, yes, I will... if you think the others would not mind."

A slightly pain looked crossed his features. "You'll always have a place where I am Rey. Don't ever doubt that." He hesitated a fraction of a second before pulling her into a tight hug. "I'll let you get back to your reading," he said quietly, releasing her and leaving her alone.

She stared into the empty space a moment before shaking herself and reached for the roll of cloth that contained her lightsaber components before moving to make use of the technical station.

Hours later she stood and stretched, her back cracking. She surveyed her progress, pleased with the construction so far. A wave of apprehension struck her as she thought of testing her new saber, the fear of failing again potent. She needed the assurance of the weapon that she was on the right path even more than she needed its protection.

"I've had it," she said, directing her words at Chewie who was like wise fiddling with a circuit board. "I'm going to bed." He sent her off with a grunted nod, not even looking up from his work.

Kicking off her shoes, she dropped heavily onto her bed, just managing to pull the blanket to her shoulders before her eyes shut. She groaned as she felt the Force wash over her and she pulled her blanket further over her head.

"Can we talk in a few hours?" she grumbled from her cocoon. "I'm too tir-"

Her voice cut off as she heard screams in the distance. She bolted upright as her world lurched and she was dumped from her bunk. Instead of metal grating, her hands sunk into a silty grit up to her knuckles and her mouth fell open in disbelief.

 _Sand?_

Her fingers flexed against the grains as she jumped to her feet and out of reflex, reached for the staff she knew wouldn't be there. The screams increased through the force around her, the sound of storm trooper blaster fire reverberating as smoked poured into the sky, nearly obscuring the moon above.

A moon Rey would know anywhere.

 _No._

She took off, scrambling over the dunes toward the gunfire and gasped, her hand flying to her mouth in her shock.

Before her, the Nima Outpost burned.

Six dark figures stood at the edge, their backs to her, silent and watchful.

"No!" She screamed and they turned, their weapons drawn, the dark metal of their gear reflecting the flames that danced behind them. A lone red beamed burned in the dark, clutched in the hand of the central most figure.

The Knights of Ren.

Her world spun again and she stumbled, her back connecting with the familiar floor of the Falcon as her heart hammered away in her chest.

 _What's happened?_

She startled as Ben's voice thundered across her consciousness.

 _I... I don't know. I'm not sure_ , she thought, pushing shakily to her feet. _I had a vision. I saw-_

 _H_ er response was cut off as footsteps pounded towards her, and the door slid open, blinding her with the corridor light. Chewie and Finn rushed in, the latter gripping her forearms in his hands.

"You're grey," he said, alarm clear in his voice as he took in her pallor. "Kriff, Rey, what the hell just happened?"

"You saw it too?" she asked incredulously.

"Saw it? No, but we felt it. The sensors picked up on an energy surge and some of the equipment started to short out just before it pinpointed the source as here. " He glanced behind him and Rey could see Poe and several of the infantry in the hall, weapons readied.

"We thought it might be the First Order," he said, drawing her attention back to him.

She shook her head. "No, I'm sorry. The Force showed me something and I lost control. I didn't mean to frighten anyone."

"It's alright, Rey," said Poe, motioning for his men to stand down. "We're just glad you're okay."

Chewie rumbled his agreement. Finn was still searching her face, his eyes jumping over her features, taking in her distress.

"What did you see?" he asked quietly.

She opened her mouth to speak but they could hear Rose, her voice distant in the Falcon. "General, you're going to want to see this."

Poe's eyes flicked briefly to Rey before they left to join the engineer in the lounge. Rose was frowning at the communicator on her wrist.

"It's Maz," she said. "One of her contacts on Jakku just sent her this."

She tapped rapidly on the small monitor and a projection of a man shot out before them, the image intermittently blurring into static and cutting out the audio.

 _"Someone, please- help- The First-they are just kill-I don't know-"_

The man in the hologram was suddenly snatched out of frame by an unseen hand.

 _"Where is she?"_ growled a mechanical voice.

 _"Who?_ " he asked, his voice coming out in a tight wheeze _._

 _"The Jedi!"_

 _"I don't know what you are talking ab-"_

There was the sickening crunch of a crushed windpipe just before the man's limp body crashed to the ground, the image freezing on his lifeless face. Rey's fists balled at her side as Rose cut the feed.

"He said this would happen, that they would look for me."

"Rey, it'll be-"

"I have to leave, Finn."

"What? No-"

"I can't protect you all from them. Not yet. I'm not ready."

"Nothing has changed, Rey. They've always been looking for us."

"That was more than the First Order. It was the Knights of Ren."

Finn's face hardened and he turned to Poe.

"What do you know about them?"

The General frowned, his arms folding over his chest. "Not much. We know they abandoned the Jedi Order with Ren and they have varying degrees of Force sensitivity. They occasionally joined to fight in our larger battles but except for Kylo Ren, the others have been only sporadically seen."

"They can sense me in the Force. I have to go." She turned, and finding TwoBee said, "Go, get the Trident ready." She marched to her room, hastily packing her meager belongings.

She could feel Finn as he watched her from the door.

"Rey, please-"

"I don't even have a lightsaber, Finn!" she exclaimed, slamming the drawer she was unpacking shut. She braced her hands on the wall, her shoulders sagging. "I'll find you as soon as I can, alright? But I can't lead them to you. I won't."

Finn opened his mouth to protest but stopped, his hands falling uselessly to his sides. "Okay."

"Thank you," she replied, relieved he wouldn't argue.

 _You're not taking that Trident,_ grumbled Chewie, his large form joining Finn's in the doorway. _It wouldn't outrun half of the Order's ships and you'll need something better if you're heading into the thick of it._

Rey rolled her eyes. _"_ Then what do you suggest? It's not as if we've got ships to spare and the Trident has served me well so far."

The Wookie jerked his head, his meaning obvious.

"The Falcon?" she asked incredulously. "No, I can't. She's the fastest in the fleet. You can't afford to lose her."

 _We can't afford to lose you._

Rey swallowed thickly as the giant stepped forward, one large hand coming to rest on her shoulder.

 _Just when it is all done, bring my ship... and Ben... home._


	16. Chapter 16

"Hmmmph," huffed Rey in frustration as she pushed back from the table, turning again to her stack of books. Something just wasn't right with the construct of her blade, but as to what and why, she wasn't sure. It looked like the diagrams, all the components in place and yet there was a dissonance when her fingers hovered over the emitter.

She flipped through page after page, not finding any answers.

"It won't work."

Her hands froze on the page, eyes tracking up til she saw him reclining on an invisible seat. He pushed himself up, his steps slow and deliberate as he moved towards her.

"It won't work," he repeated. "Not until you use the force to fuse the components on a molecular level. It's the only way it will be stable."

She looked at him, skepticism written all over her face and he raised an eyebrow in response.

"If it was just about running power through a kyber crystal, the weapon wouldn't be limited to Force users."

She frowned, closing the book, her hands going to rest on either side of it on the table. "They are looking for me."

"I know."

"I'm not ready."

"No, you are not."

She scrubbed at her face with her hands before running one through her hair.

"I've been practicing… but it's like trying to hold onto smoke. Sometimes I can feel the Force and channel it and other times it just sifts through me." She gave a frustrated shrug.

He sighed, his eyes going to the floor. "The Jedi were housed and trained in lands with abnormally high concentrations of the Force."

She blinked. "Yavin 4…" she muttered, recalling how she had felt when she stepped onto the moon.

"Was a Force nexus," he confirmed. "The constant exposure allows one to discover the nuances of the use of the Force and provide an easy pool of power when mastering techniques."

She nodded, her hand reaching to reopen the book and begin her search. Yavin 4 was out of the question, being far too obvious...

"Nam Chorios," he said quietly.

Her fingers paused on the page, her head lifting as her brows furrowed in a silent question.

"It's in the Meridan sector of the Outer Rim and is the home world of the Tsils, a mineral based life form. They amplify the light side of the Force and would make it difficult for darksiders to single you out among all the energy."

He met her gaze, his chin raising in challenge and unspoken question obvious even without opening the mental bond between them.

Would she trust him?

After a moment of consideration, she stalked past him, her shoulder grazing his arm on the way to the cockpit. A few quick keystrokes later and the floor underneath her shifted as the ship turned to orient to its new destination. He had followed her, staring at where her hand rested on the console, his expression shifting to tight lipped exasperation.

"You're still on that ship."

"Yes," she replied simply, pulling up the sector map to double check her coordinates.

"I told you-"

"It's the fastest ship-"

"And the most recognizable-"

"Which is part of the point."

"What point?"

"I need to lead the Knights away from the Resistance but not let them catch me. The Falcon fulfills those requirements quite nicely."

His fists clenched at his side and he turned his face away from her, his jaw grinding in frustration.

She pushed away from the console, putting herself directly in front of him. Like the last time they stood this close to one another, his eyes followed her but he made no move to increase the distance between them.

"I need you to tell me about them," she implored.

One eyebrow quirked as he glared down at her. "Are you asking for my help?"

Rey's jaw opened and closed a few times before it shut with an audible click, her arms folding over her chest.

 _You're going to make me ask?_

 _ **You've refused everything I've offered you before, so forgive me if I need you to be explicit in what you want from me.**_

She took half a step back as he pushed two memories towards her...

 _ **"You need a teacher! I can show you the ways of the Force!"**_

 _ **"I want you to join me... Please?"**_

It was so hard to meet his eyes, the line of his jaw proud while hurt flickered in the depths of his gaze.

"I... I need your help," she muttered, her voice just above a whisper.

She'd expected him to look smug or at the very least, self satisfied at her admission. Instead, he drew himself up to his full height, hands clasping together at his back.

"The Knights are Force users that defected with me from the Praxeum. Skywalker was so desperate to rebuild the order, he took anyone with even a modicum of Force ability."

A large dark form appeared in her mind's eye, a ghoulish mask covering the creature's face as it held a long, thin axe in its hand.

"Kusvo Brot," he said. "A Falleen female. A formidable fighter but an overall weak Force user."

The figure blew away like smoke to be replaced by another, smaller, stocky one clad in black.

"Mumo Blirr. A Mandolorian male. He prefers to fight from afar, using a sniper rifle to pick off enemies. He uses the Force to guide his aim. Don't get complacent, though. He's more than proficient in close quarters and carries two small vibro blades."

A lithely built knight appeared, a flat, electrified weapon clasped in its hand with accouterments attached over its close fitting robes.

"Esider, a Mirialan male. An expert in hand to hand combat and heavily armed. The Force gives him preternatural reflexes but he has little control outside of this."

A hulking figure with cold grey eyes visible through the slit of his mask materialized, the butt of his shotgun extending just over his shoulder.

"Rishlu Mohandai is a human Luke took from slavers on some backwater. He had always been volatile but our Master-" He said the word with a sneer. "thought he could fix him, but he had turned even before the temple. He has moderate Force abilities."

Rey took in a sharp breath as a new image filled her mind, tall and cloaked, its face was not visible in the opaque blackness beneath its hood.

"Vemvoar," said Ben quietly. "He's a Miralukan. His people have no eyes, but do not think that means he cannot 'see'. The Force heightens his senses. he can navigate the deepest of space or the depths of the blackest caves far easier than either of us. Within the current knights, his abilities are second only to one other. "

Red filled her vision as the final knight emerged, his smooth saber beam reflecting off his gleaming helmet.

"Mirathi Chalissm, the new Master of the Knights of Ren and the only other besides myself who could bend their crystal to the Darkside of the Force."

The figured vanished, her focus returning to the man before her.

"His light saber…" she said faintly, "it did not look like yours."

He shook his head. "Kyber crystals are naturally attuned to the light side. They have to be forced to do otherwise or they will become inert. I… had difficulty."

She jutted her chin in the direction of where she left her construct hilt.

"Show me how to make it work," she said and after a moments hesitation added, "Please."

"I will," he said, "but only once you are at the nexus. The likelihood of success will be much greater there."

She started to argue but then stopped, nodding in acknowledgment of the sense of his statement. Sighing, she leaned back against the console, taking in his appearance. His clothes had once again taken on his preferred darker hues, high collars, and long sleeves but she was relieved he looked less ragged with every visit.

"Have you found the answer to your question yet?" she asked and he shifted on his feet.

"No," he answered after a beat. He ran a hand through his hair but dropped it quickly back to his side once he realized what he was doing.

"Where are you?" she asked after he said nothing further and disliking how stilted the conversation had become.

"I am still on Corellia," he replied, swallowing. "I will be leaving soon, though."

He disappeared then, leaving her alone on his father's ship.

* * *

Rey whetted her lips as the Falcon exited hyperspace, her head tilting in mild surprise. The planet below was murky, its details difficult to visualize, but even from here she could feel the thrum of the Force below, guiding her.

The terrain was rough and jagged, the elevation of the land rising and dropping in multiple plateaus like steps made for gods. Dark rivers disappeared into caverns and roared out of others to fall into endless mists below.

She wove the Falcon down through one of the canyons until she found a hidden ledge obscured by the falling water to set the ship down. Checking the atmosphere output, she was relieved to find breathable air and retrieved her cold weather clothing. Exiting the Falcon, she hugged a sheer wall until she found a moderately dry section to ascend. Securing her pack more tightly to her back, she blew on her fingers and began the moderately difficult climb.

Her hands rested on her knees once she reached the top and surveyed the land in the dim light, blinking in confusion at the dual shadows falling from the sparse vegetation. Straightening she looked up into the sky, taking in the two suns that were on opposite ends of the horizon and far smaller than any she'd ever seen before while planet side.

 _This is as bright and warm as it gets on this planet, I suppose._

She sighed at the prospect of permanent, freezing dusk during her stay but shook it off and let the Force lead her, pulling her to another ledge where she started to climb again. Two more climbs and one rest later she found herself staring at the mouth of a cavern, the Force flowing like a current from it over her skin. With a fortifying breath, she shrugged her bag from her shoulder and clunked it down in the mouth of the cave before she started to unpack. From here she could still see the numerous black waterfalls that erupted from the sheer walls around her but was high enough to avoid the damp that had clung to everything below.

Her self deploying tent took only a few moments to set up and she made sure the weathering seal on the few texts she'd brought up was still intact before she removed one and started to clear her mind.

* * *

Rey collapsed onto the rough cavern floor, a raw, exhausted laugh escaping as she rolled onto her back. She felt jittery, her heart racing and sweat beading underneath her layers of clothing, leaving her chilled with her cessation of exertion. It had felt a bit ridiculous, using the force to balance her body, first on two hands, then on one before pushing up to her fingertips. A 'trial of skill' the text had called it, an exercise to use the Force to control one's body. Mastery would eventually allow her to jump great heights or propel herself forward.

"This is not a Force technique I am familiar with," a deep voice drawled just above her.

Rey opened her eyes to see Ben, his head cocked to the side as he studied her sprawled figure on the ground.

She scowled as she sat up and rested her elbows on her knees.

"I was..." she trailed off as she looked up at him, seeing what she swore was a hint of amusement in his eyes. "You know what I was doing," she said plainly and moved to get up.

He smirked and stepped back. "Where is your construct?" he asked.

"Here," she said, reaching down to pull out the bundle from her pack.

"Open it," he instructed. "And separate the components."

She opened her satchel and pulled out her omni-tool and sat on a thread bare blanket to set to open the hilt. In her peripheral vision, she saw Ben sit opposite her, a simple bench materializing beneath him. A few minutes later she arranged the items in a loose amalgamation of the correct placement.

"Meditate, then focus to meld the internal components using the Force," he instructed.

Her face screwed up. "You mean without my hands?"

"Yes."

"Okay," she muttered under her breath before folding up her legs and closing her eyes. It felt strange to attempt mechanical work using only her mind. She loved tinkering with the junk she found, her tactile sense being essential to her successes.

"This is no different. This is still you and your senses," he said softly and she peered at him briefly through her lids before relaxing once more. Her chest rose with a deep breath as she opened herself to the Force, letting it flow through her and the pieces lifted into the air.

 _ **Can you feel them? The components?**_

 _Yes._

 ** _Push. You have to feel the individual particles._**

Rey let herself drift deeper into the current. Whereas last time she reach outward into the vast universe, now she honed in her focus first on the crystal, its Force signature being the easiest to identify. It expanded in her mind's eye, magnifying as she burrowed deeper within it and her body trembled from the effort. Remotely, she felt his presence in her mind bloom as his walls dropped, his force signature passing over and wrapping around her. Her trembling slowed as she felt his power interlock with her own, as warm as the sun on a Jakku dawn.

Her hold on her crystal stabilized and she could feel the particles down to the vibration of the individual atoms. His encouragement was a silent but near tangible thing, letting her know this was correct, this was how it should feel, and all conscious thought left her as she started to move in a combination of his gentle guidance and her own instinct.

"Rey, open your eyes."

Slowly she came back to herself to see her light saber fully constructed and floating before her. Ben still sat opposite and she could feel his presence slowly, almost reluctantly retreat, leaving her once again cold.

"Is it done?" she asked and he nodded. Tentatively she reached out, the saber seeming to move to her palm of its own volition.

This... this felt right.

She stood slowly, her thumb hovering over the emitter before decisively pressing down.

A brilliant white glow illuminated her face as it ignited, the edges of the primary beam flickering gently and the vent spitting an angry beam at the back. The Madolorian iron salvaged from her staff remained cool and steady under her grip and she grinned in triumph, eyes meeting Ben's.

He was staring at her, his lips parted slightly in what she could almost call wonderment.

 ** _It is you,_** she heard him think just before he disappeared. **_It's always been you._**


	17. Chapter 17

Rey stepped toward the edge of the plateau and bounced on her toes to work the warmth back into her limbs. In the distance, a few winged creatures traversed the sky, their faint cries barely audible over the water the rushed far below. She removed her saber from the clip in her belt and swore she'd never get used to the rush that accompanied seeing it ignite.

She started slowly at first, practicing the motions she used to preform with ease with her staff, paying attention to how close the spins came to her own body and careful to not harm herself.

 _Right hand up and over, roll wrist, release left hand, elbow in..._

Over and over she repeated the motions until she could do the pass perfectly before moving on to the next and her eyes drifted closed as the Forced moved with her.

"You are an interesting one."

Rey's eyes flew open and she spun on her heel, her weapon raised to strike at the unfamiliar voice behind her. It was a young man, likely in his mid-thirties, his well trimmed beard ending in a point on a friendly face that studied her saber. She relaxed as the faint blue hue around the figure became apparent.

"Who are you?" she asked. His accent was like hers, a mark of an outer world upbringing.

"My name is Obi-Wan," he replied his hand reaching up to stroke his short beard. She waited for him to continue, feeling annoyed when he just watched her with an amused glint in his eyes.

"Are you here to help me?" she asked, her hands raising at her sides in exasperation.

"No."

Rey's scowled and straightened, her hackles rising. "Then why are you here?" she asked and turned away to practice again.

"I wanted to meet you," he said, smiling as Rey's frown deepened. "You remind me of someone."

Rey paused mid swing as another figure materialized before her, her beam dropping to her side. The woman in the projection was shorter than Rey but her posture and clothing was of regal bearing and her brown eyes conveyed a keen intelligence behind a beautiful face.

"She too was fierce and loyal and had the will to try to change the world."

Rey stepped closer, walking around the woman, intrigued. "Who is she?"

"A friend gone far too soon," he replied, the sorrow in his voice evident.

"What happened to her?"

"An evil man used the Force to drain the life from her while she was in a vulnerable state. It is the only way Darksiders can heal themselves or another."

The picture before her blew away like smoke on the wind.

"I said I am not here to help you, and that is the truth. Not because I do not want to, Rey, but because I do not think I can." He sighed and his face flickered and changed, his hair whitening and skin lining with wrinkles. "The Old ways... perhaps it is time to let them go. They could not save my friend and the losses that followed created echoes that touched nearly every life in this galaxy."

Rey's gaze locked on the the ghost, a niggling suspicion and curiosity burning within her.

"I told you my name was Obi-Wan," he said, voice now grainier with age and he smiled again, as if sensing her thoughts, "but towards the end of my life, I was known as 'Ben'."

* * *

"Where did your parents get the name 'Ben'?" she asked, as she held her body in place, using the Force to lift herself slightly into the air.

He watched where her feet hovered over the ground, seemingly more interested in her actions then her question. "He was a friend of theirs in the early days of the Rebellion," He replied offhandedly. "And dead long before I was born."

"A Jedi?"

His eyes snapped up to her face, giving her all the answer she would need. "And how did your parents come by the name 'Rey'?" he asked tightly.

Her control slipped and she dropped back to the ground. "They didn't. I saw the name on side of a Rebellion fighter's helmet and took it as my own. Plutt just called me 'girl". I don't remember what I was called before that."

His fist curled and he looked away, a hint of what he was feeling reaching her, something close to pity but with far less condescension. Indignation on her behalf, she surmised. Masking her surprise, she removed her saber from her belt.

"I wonder," she said quietly as she turned it on, "how different my life would have been if Luke had found me when I was a child." The hum of her blades disturbed the ambient noise as she spun them in repeating arcs. "Though I'd probably be dead. I would have been thirteen, maybe fourteen, the night you destroyed the Praxeum."

Nothing but the sounds of her saber slicing the air was heard for several long minutes and she half expected to find him gone when he spoke again.

"Carth."

"Pardon?"

"The boy Rishlu killed, his name was Carth."

"What happened to the other two children?"

"They weren't very strong in the Force. I released them on Coruscant after I wiped their memories. "

"You did what?"

"I left them in the care of a reputa-"

"You just left them?"

"You'd prefer I had taken them to Snoke?" he snapped back. "It's pointless to waste energy on 'what ifs', anyway. "

"Not if they prevent future mistakes," she countered crisply. "And how is that working out for you, not examining your choices and their consequences?"

The world around her grew stiller, even the roar of the waterfalls fading away in the background.

"You want me to say it? That I wish things had been different?" he asked deadly quiet as his eyes narrowed and he brought himself to his full height. "I'll tell you what I wish. I wish my mother had been honest with me about where we came from. I wish my father had cared enough to not leave me behind. I wish my first Master hadn't tried to murder me in my sleep, giving me no choice but to seek out my second, who had been messing with my head since before I could even speak."

His voice shook as he continued, his eyes dark and shining. "I wish he would have never followed me out onto that catwalk, that I would have just walked away... I wish my whole life I wouldn't have been so alone." He swallowed thickly, and backed away from her, the naked vulnerability on his face falling away as his lip curled in a snarl. "But not all of us can take what life throws at us on the chin and wallow on a dirtball waiting for something to save us."

Rey's spine stiffened, feeling as if she'd been slapped. "I did _not_ wallow. I did _not_ just take it on the chin. I was a child-"

"You're not anymore."

"Neither are you! And you weren't a child when you destroyed the temple. Nor when you terrorized me on Star Killer base."

"I never wanted to kill you."

"I didn't know that! You had just ripped open my mind, and nearly killed my only friend. You offered to teach me but in reality my choices were to join you and Snoke or-" Her words died on her lips as he abruptly disappeared, his end of the connection still bristling as he closed himself off and pulled away.

* * *

Days went by before her rage dissipated to cold anger and then weeks more before settling into a frustrated sadness. He had no right to speak to her like that, even if she had lashed out first. This was a recurring theme as she discovered details of his past, but this time there had been something else there behind his anger and just as potent... his remorse.

 _Forgiveness_ , she realized one night as she had lain awake on her bed roll, her head positioned so she could see out the tent flap. She'd have to forgive him and allow him start anew for there to be any hope of equilibrium.

She felt the connection open, his Force signature solidifying behind her and she rolled over. and studied his profile He was lying on his back, hands clasped over his midsection and black hair a halo around his face.

 _Did he sync his sleep cycle to hers?_ she wondered.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper and the words hung in the air around her.

"I am too," she sighed heavily and rolled to her back, mimicking his position. "I can't see the stars here. The sun never sets." She paused and one arm gestured to the sky in sight just outside her cave. "Jakkuu i _s_ a dirtball with nothing in the way of color or beauty... except at night. No other planet has a night sky like Jakkuu."

There was a pause before he murmured, "Show me."

She closed her eyes and imagined herself back on her little patch of desert, the rough burlap of her bedroll underneath her as she opened her mind. And then he was there beside her in the sand as they stared up into the crystal clear sky, glittering stars filling their entire view as meteor showers streaked by, and the moon illuminated their faces in a warm glow.

"You know those shooting stars are actually falling debris from ships destroyed during the battle of Jakkuu that have been orbiting for decades," he said and she halfheartedly threw her canteen at him, knowing it would pass harmlessly through his shoulder.

"It's still beautiful," she grumbled and she swore she saw his mouth quirk as she laid back down.

"It is," he agreed.

"How about you? What's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?" she asked softly.

He remained silent for several long minutes until it all blurred away, his mind taking over their connection, and Rey found herself blinking up into a multi-colored sky. She pushed herself up from the soft green grass, her head whipping around to see they were surrounded by towering waterfalls, rainbows rising in the mists the waning sunlight filtered through. She sat back on her heels, jaw dropping as she took in the panoramic view before her.

"This is the most beautiful place I've ever been," he said, his hand gesturing forward.

"Where is this?" she asked breathlessly.

"Naboo, the Lake country."

When she had asked him, she had expected something beautiful, yes, but more so in a terrible, awe inspiring way... like the event horizon of a black hole or an otherworldly landscape of a harsh but mystical planet. But this was far more... well, 'romantic' was the only word she could come up with.. than she'd ever anticipated.

He had sat up with her, one arm resting on a knee, his other leg extended out in front of him. With his form clad in a loose dark tunic and pants, he was a harsh contrast to the vibrant landscape around them and yet somehow it still seemed as if he belonged here, a dark, dashing figure.

She glanced down at her utilitarian clothing, calloused hands, and rough nails before self consciously reaching up to touch the ends of her tangled hair.

The harsh conditions of her adolescence left her with little energy for more than daily survival. There were very few humans around her age at the Outpost and she learned early to steer clear of men, the majority of whom looked at her with a hunger in their eyes that made her stomach churn and her skin crawl. Her breasts were always bound against her chest, her clothes loose to hide her form, and staff always, always on her person. She had never tried to make herself look appealing to anyone... well that was not completely true if she were honest with herself. In preparation to go to the Supremacy, she had fussed with her clothing, trying to look less of a rough and tumble scavenger and more of a competent Jedi in-training but gave up after pulling back her hair, not knowing what else to do.

She dropped the lock of her hair and mentally shook herself. Her life was fighting and struggle and scratching for survival. She would just have to appreciate beauty when it crossed her path as something transient and never hers.

"Is this where you went? When you were on Naboo?"

He nodded. "One of my grandmothers was from here."

The idea of grandparents intrigued her... to not only know your parents but to have a concept of a heritage and a depth to an identity of self instead of an empty, blank slate. "Who was she, your grandmother?" she asked.

"Breha Organa of Aldaraan was my adoptive grandmother, but Padme Amidala was Luke and Leia's birth mother. This was her homeworld."

Rey's brows knit together and she turned to face him more fully. "So she was the one, I mean... she and... they, well-" she stumbled, her cheeks flushing, unsure of how to ask.

"She married Anakin Skywalker, the man who would become Darth Vader." He picked some grass and shredded it in his fingers. "But before that she was a Queen and Senator, and a veteran of the Clone Wars."

He sighed and dropped the destroyed pieces of grass. "It has come to my attention recently that I have more predecessors than just Darth Vader."

Rey pulled her knees up and rested her cheek on them, watching him until he returned her gaze. "I think they would all like to see you happy."

"Maybe I don't deserve it."

"Perhaps none of us deserve anything. Maybe all we can do is work towards what we think is right and hope that will bring us peace."

He scoffed. "That hasn't exactly worked out so well for me thus far."

"But things are different now."

"Really? How?" he asked, bitterness evident in his tone.

"You don't _have_ to be alone this time," she replied, smiling faintly. "And besides, I need a teacher."

He looked away from her as his mind worked furiously and he bit his lower lip.

"I have a few things I need to see to first, but I'll join you as soon as I am able," he said quietly, watching her from the corner of his eyes.

"Alright."

The color of the world around her drained away, the gloomy dusk of Nam Chorios once again surrounding her.


	18. Chapter 18

Finn pulled at the lapels of his jacket as his feet struck the metal platform of the empty docking station at a remote location on Lothal.

"So where is this guy?" he asked Poe as he eyed the closed bay doors.

"He'll be here."

"I know you said we could trust him, but are you sure? This doesn't look like 'trust' to me."

Before Poe could reply, the doors slid apart and Finn squinted into the blinding light, his hand raised to shield his eyes. Chewbacca huffed next to him and adjusted his bowecaster.

Backlit, a man in brightly colored clothing walked towards them, his proud posture supported by a cane in his hand. The Twilek on his other arm leaned in to whisper in his ear and he smiled, a broad cocky grin that made him seem instantly younger than his obvious years. Once upon them, he turned, motioning to his entourage to halt, and his cape swayed with the movement.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, sir," stated Poe stepping forward with his hand outstretched.

"Poe Dameron," the man replied, a distant look appearing in his eyes as he shook his hand. "I knew your mother. She was an excellent pilot."

"She was an even better mother."

"I was sorry to hear of her passing."

"Thank you, sir."

 _Old friend,_ chuffed Chewie, enveloping the man in a fairly aggressive hug.

The man frowned, one brow raising as he clapped the Wookie affectionately on the back. "Not that old."

Chewie grumbled a response that had the man smirking as he reached up and patted his furry shoulder.

Finn straightened as his attention finally turned towards him.

"Lando Calrissian, this is Finn, formerly FN2187, a defected Stormtrooper. "

Calrissian's brow narrowed as he examined Finn more closely. "I did not think that was possible."

"It's not supposed to be," he agreed. "But that tells me there could be others that may join our cause."

The other man considered him for a moment. "Perhaps."

"Sir," said Poe, "You don't know how happy we were to hear from you."

The man nodded. "I have just now found myself in a position to provide meaningful help." His eyes cast briefly to the ground before lifting again to look at Chewbacca. "I just wish it could have been sooner."

"What changed, if you don't mind me asking?" questioned Finn.

His eyes seemed to soften before he spoke. "An unexpected benefactor has found themselves with a vested interest in the success of the Rebellion."

Lando Calrissian moved away then, leading them back through the heavy metal door. Poe glanced at Finn and with a shrug, he followed.

Finn's jaw dropped as they stepped through, taking in the machinery whirling overhead and the sparks flying through the air.

Lando smiled, one arm gesturing wide. "A _very_ vested interest, indeed."

* * *

Rey clipped the blue light to her jacket and her light saber to her belt before pulling her hair up in a single bun. She grimaced at the feeling of the greasy strands and, pulling on her gloves, decided a return to the Falcon for use of the fresher was a must tonight. Her hand rubbed at a crick in her neck as she started off deeper into the cave.

 _A night's sleep on an actual mattress wouldn't go amiss either._

The path dipped deeper into the earth and she let her fingers drag along the wall, feeling the hum of the Force.

In the quiet darkness illuminated by the slight sway of her light, her mind wandered as she took a path that brought her closer to the rush of water. She thought of the moment her father had sold her, how he did not even look back before climbing onto his ship. The memory did not hold quite the sting it had before but still she frowned as she jumped over a small crevice.

"What kind of person does that? Just sells a child to a creature like Unker Plutt?" she muttered to herself as she watched the churning underground river speed past, the white noise stealing her voice.

A soft, low ringing met her ears and she looked around for a possible source, her hand going to rest on her saber when she found none. The gentle tones grew louder as she stepped away from the water, lilting as if they were calling to her. She took off in a light run, traveling deeper into the interweaving cave system until the tones were practically drumming in her ear.

Her feet skidded to a stop as she entered a large cavern, the sounds vanishing once her eyes fell upon a towering monolith that disappeared into the ceiling. Its black surface held gentle ripples that danced when her light fell upon it, appearing almost like a silent version of the river she had come across earlier, and her breath fogged the glossy surface as she slid one of her gloves off her hand. The thud of her heart in her chest was the only sound in the room and she pressed her fingers to the black glass, the ground dropping out beneath her at the moment of contact.

She is back in the Lake Country on Naboo, the sun high in the sky as laughter echoes around her. Two figures, a man and a woman, are huddled together in the field, their joy palpable to Rey as they smile at one another.

The world whirls and bright blue skies are replaced by orange and red. The man, eyes cold though they glow a sickly yellow, watches the woman back away from him with tears shining but unshed.

" _Anakin… you're breaking my heart,"_ she says, voice shaking as her hand rests on her very pregnant abdomen.

A scream of pure pain and rage has her spinning and her hand flies to her mouth as a man, burned beyond recognition, writhes as droids work quickly to stabilize him.

Her equilibrium lurches once more, the Force dumping her onto the deck of a ship as a lightsaber battle rages, green and red flashing all around her. Rey blinks in surprise as she recognizes Luke and feels him pull on the darkness to overcome Darth Vader. He bashes away at the masked figure until one swing cleaves his hand from his body and he steps away as a delighted cackle fills the air.

She stumbles.

She is back on the Falcon with Han as he soothes a crying Ben, his face troubled when he eyes the fresh dent in the door frame and the cracked glass on the cockpit instruments.

 _"It's alright kid, it was an accident. It'll be okay,_ " he whispers into the child's dark hair, his voice not near as certain as he wishes it to be.

She is still on the Falcon but the air feels cold and sterile as Han and Leia face one another across a hall.

 _"I didn't tell you because this is how I knew you would react!"_

 _"I reacted this way because you didn't tell me!"_

 _"You've always been afraid of him. I didn't want him to see that in his father's eyes."_

 _"He's my kid too, Leia. I had a right to know!"_

 _"What difference would it have made, Han? What would you have done differently? He's where he needs to be and with the one person who can help him."_

Han's face crumples in pain before he scowls again.

 _"It wasn't right," h_ e snaps, his finger jabbing in her direction, _"and you know it."_

A middle age Leia rushes into the arms of a sagging cloaked figure on a derelict ship.

 _"Luke! What happened? I felt... "_ She steps away from him when he doesn't return her embrace, her face hardening. _"Luke, where's Ben?"_

 _"It was him, Leia. He burned the temple and killed the others. I... I failed."_

The glasses on a nearby table shatter as Leia's hands clench into fists.

The dark ship interior is replaced by a cheerfully lit room with soft pastel colors on the walls. A sandy haired girl plays with a doll, her blue eyes striking against her fair skin.

 _"We don't have family and yet we long for it, the built in allies who trust and care for us, who understand us... I had that in my mother. I want her to have that too,"_ a woman's voice says from behind her.

By the time Rey turns to see who spoke, she is gone along with the child.

The next images are hazy and dreamlike as they float before her.

 _Flashes of white and red and a scream of horrible pain..._

 _The Falcon diving and evading blaster shots over the backdrop of a grey sky..._

 _A tangle of bare limbs in a darkened room with a feminine hand pressed into a muscled back..._

 _A simple dwelling, warm and welcoming, with light filtering through thin curtains as low murmured singing permeates the room..._

Rey's hand slipped away from the obelisk and the visions faded, leaving her alone with just the sound of her labored breathing.

* * *

She exited the refresher hours later, her mind still running through the visions trying to make sense of them and their importance.

The woman, the same Obi-wan had showed her, had been Padme Amidala, she was certain. And the man...

She swallowed thickly, bile churning in her stomach as she recalled the burnt flesh and sinew pulling tight against exposed bone.

 _Anakin Skywalker... Darth Vader... The Dark Lord_

What had happened to him? How did it go so poorly? They had been so in love...

She pulled her shirt over her head and pinched the bridge of her nose before shaking herself and retiring to her room, making sure she didn't look at the dent in the wall as she passed.

Twobee hummed when she touched the panel to her door, its gears rolling it back and forth in an agitated manner.

"I'm fine. I just need some sleep," she replied and waved him off with a smile, her door closing quietly. Her bed felt wonderfully comfortable but her mind was still restless, refusing to shut off and she flopped onto her back, staring at the ceiling after several futile minutes.

She thought of the man and woman she had seen tangled together in an intimate embrace and let out a slow, long breath. Their faces had been angled away from her, the woman's obscured by his shoulder and his falling beneath the plane of his bowed shoulders. His hips were bracketed between her thighs and her hand gripped the small of his back, tendons tense as if she were trying to pull him closer.

Rey couldn't imagine what it would be like to have someone that close, their hands on her body as they moved within her...

While at one time the thought of sex had made her uncomfortable and disgusted, she had to admit there had been something beautiful in the couple's movements, a desperate tenderness in the way his arms had wrapped around her and her foot curled against his calf.

Something like that, she considered, could be worth experiencing.

Her breath hitched as she ran her fingers over her rib cage to brush along the curve of her breast, imagining a large masculine hand in its place. Sudden embarrassment had her curling it in a fist, pulling her fingers away from her body and she bit her lower lip uncertainly. She checked on her connection to Ben to make sure it was securely shut but thinking of him had the muscles of her stomach tightening and the phantom hand in her mind now had a familiar pattern of light scars.

"Oh kriff," she whispered as warmth pooled in her abdomen and she shifted on the bed, her hand going to rest hesitantly on the waistband of her pants. She became hyperware of her body, the roughness of the sheets against her skin, the air that filled her lungs, and the uncomfortable tingling between her legs that insisted on being touched.

Without much further thought, she slid her hand beneath her clothes, a relieved breath escaping as her fingers pressed between her legs. Her other hand roamed her body, tracing over her hip up to the valley between her breasts to skim along on her collarbone. It took her a few unpracticed starts until she found a rhythm that had her shuddering, her hips twitching involuntarily, but it did not feel like enough...she felt too open and exposed. She rolled onto her stomach, one leg sliding out to the side as she resumed her movements.

That felt better, and she could almost imagine a body pressed against hers, a broad, heavy form that would make her thighs ache to accommodate. She turned her face into the mattress to muffle her whimper, wishing it was the curve of a neck that smelled like leather and sweat and smoke. Her inner muscles, pulled impossibly tight and she held her breath, a chant of _please, please, please_ rolling over in her head as tears brimmed under her lids.

 _I want... please..._

Then she heard his voice, faint and low.

 ** _Rey_**

And she fell over the edge.


	19. Chapter 19

Rey lay frozen in her bed, a sickening combination of humiliation and panic running furiously through her mind and heart.

 _Did he know? Had he heard? Had he seen? Had he felt…_

Her face heated, a crimson flush burning down her neck and chest as she recalled the pleasure that had rolled through her and who she had imagined delivering it.

 _Oh, kriff, if he knew that-_

She shoved the flat of her palms against her eyes, a high pitched scream of frustration piercing the dark silence as it escaped from behind clenched teeth.

 _But surely, he would have said… something… by now if he had?_

She worried her lower lip and tentatively prodded the glowing point in her mind. A relieved breath rushed out from her lungs upon finding it steady and closed. She rolled to her side, determined to find sleep.

And yet, she couldn't help but wonder ...what _would_ he have thought?

* * *

"And what are the other resources at our disposal?" asked Lando as he motioned for them to follow him down the hall.

Poe grimaced. "Well, uh, its what you saw out there-"

"And?"

"Uh, about fifteen fighters and two cargo ships."

"And?"

"That's it, sir."

The man shook his head without breaking his stride and let out a low whistle as the others marched behind. "You kids are even worse off than we were."

"We have Rey," interjected Finn as they entered a poshly decorated room. "We can't forget Rey."

"Who's Rey?" asked Lando and gestured to the available seating.

"A Force user that has helped our cause before… but she's on her own path now," answered Poe with a hesitant glance toward his friend.

"She's still on our side."

"I know, buddy. I do. But right now we have to go at this as if we're on our own." He reached out and squeezed his shoulder. "And when she returns, we'll re-calibrate but neither you or I know when that will be."

Lando watched the exchange as he leaned back into his chair, his feet moving to prop on the edge of his desk. "Well, in other news…" he said, "I've heard the First Order is short one Emperor."

Poe nodded once as he took his seat. "We've heard similar tellings, but there's no definitive proof."

Lando's gaze settled on Chewbacca, a silent question passing between them. Whatever answer he saw in the Wookie's response had him raising his eyebrows as he propped his forefinger and thumb against his temple.

"Interesting," he murmured before smiling broadly. "So what was it you wished to discuss?"

Rose leaned forward in her chair. "We were hoping you could give us some more information on our benefactor. It hasn't really sat right with us that we don't know where the funds are coming from."

The smile fell from the former scoundrel's face and he looked genuinely contrite. "I'm sorry, but I cannot tell you that."

"We can't in good conscience fund our cause with blood money."

He frowned and pulled his feet back to the floor. "Every credit in the galaxy is blood money. Anyone you are particularly concerned about, though?"

"Canto Bight?"

"No."

"The Hutts?"

Lando huffed a laugh like he just heard a private joke. "Them neither." He spread his hands wide. "Now, should we run down the list of every nefarious organization in the galaxy, or did we have anything else to discuss?"

Rose bit the inside of her cheek, dissatisfied with his answers but placated for now. "There is one other thing."

Finn cleared his throat and straightened in his seat. "Rose and I were talking and we figured there could be others like me, others that, while they may not wish to fight for the Resistance, they may be willing to defect for their freedom."

Rose nodded and reached over to grip Finn's forearm in support. "If you've heard that the new Emperor is gone, then surely rumor has made its way through the ranks. The time would be good to let others know defection is possible for anyone in the First Order, from a lowly janitor to the Supreme Leader himself."

"Agreed," he replied, looking impressed. "I will pass this along to my contacts to be disseminated." He sighed and folded his arms over his chest, his eyes flicking over all in the room. "Now, tell me about this 'Rey'."

Finn swallowed as all eyes turned expectantly toward him and he had just cleared his throat when it felt like something shot up his spine to wrap around his chest. For a moment he couldn't breathe and then, just as suddenly it was gone. He looked up to see Rose and Poe likewise clutching their fists to their chest and wearing matching looks of consternation.

"What... was that?" asked Rose quietly.

Lando and Chewy shared a glance.

 _That,_ rumbled the Wookie with a concerned treble, _was The Force._

* * *

In and out, in and out, the air rushed in and filled her lungs as her palms rested upwards on her knees. Focusing, Rey pushed the Force outward from her body, the tendrils snaking in to the earth beneath her to find the Tsils, each a black crystalline monolith that welcomed her touch. A small smile graced her lips with every new one, their power rushing from the planet, amplifying as they combined and lent their power to her own.

It felt exhilarating and she pushed harder. Dimly she recalled Soulzar's warning but this was different with the Tsils... Each outward reach just magnified her own.

Like this, she could find the end of the universe. She could touch the stars. She was more than her mortal body, insubstantial and infinite.

Though her consciousness was far away, her body lifted off the plateau where she sat, small blue sparks trailing over her skin. Her hair, loosely hanging over her shoulders to protect her neck from the cold, now wafted around her.

Faintly, she could feel something tugging against her mind but she ignored it. With the power of Nom Chorios' Tsils, nothing could hurt her and all answers were just over the next horizon... if she could just get a little more power and push a little further she could finally see and know...

Why did her parents not love her? Why was she so easy to abandon? Why did the Force leash her to Ben Solo? What was the point? What was her purpose?

The tugging became firmer, almost like a pounding at her mental walls and she shrugged it off only to have it return and she pulled away violently, feeling enraged at the interruption. The Darkside of the Force that had been swirling just out of her grasp seeped in and she sighed shakily at the intrusion, letting it in further.

Electricity arced from her body, cracking in the air around her and singing the sparse vegetation.

The walls around her shredded and she felt hands grip her face then jerk away as if burned.

"Rey! Stop!"

Her lids flew open to see Ben, his face just inches from hers and eyes wide with rigid panic as he yelled at her. Concentration broken, her body fell in a heap to the ground, exhausted.

"Get up. Rey, you have to get up!"

She groaned and rolled to her side in preparation to push herself to her feet but her arms gave out and her breath stirred the dirt in front of her face. "I'll be fine. I just... I just need a minute."

"You don't..." he cut himself off with a frustrated growl, his hands running through his hair. The movement exposed his normally hidden ears and in her dazed state, she found it strangely endearing how much they stuck out. His eyes shot to her prone form and he crouched down to look her better in the eye. "You have to get to the Falcon and leave now. If any of the Knights happened to be searching in that sector, they will find you. Kriff, what the hell were you thinking?"

"What? I just..."

"You tapped the power of an entire planet, a Force Nexus at that, and then broadcast it out into the galaxy. I'm several thousand parsecs from you and it nearly knocked me off my feet."

"You could feel it?"

" _Everyone_ could feel it, Rey," he snapped.

She pushed up to her knees before shakily rising to her feet. "I thought... I thought it would tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Why this," she responded, gesturing between themselves before leaning forward and resting her palms on her knees.

"That..." he murmured, his face pinching slightly. "I think I know."

She straightened, her eyes widening. "Really? Why?"

He scowled and shook his head. "You need to get off this planet. Right. Now."

"What, no," she snapped stepping back a few paces from him. "Not until you tell me."

He glared at her, his fists clenching at his sides before he cursed. "There is a prophecy about one being able to bring balance to the Force. It was first thought to be Anakin Skywalker, then perhaps Luke. Snoke said it was me. But yet here we are, still at war, still fighting. "

"And you, what do you think?"

"I think," he ground out, "you won't be able to balance anything if you're dead!"

She opened her mouth to respond but stopped when she saw a black ship break through the cloud cover above her. He was gone when she looked back down but she could still hear his voice reverberating around in her head.

 **Run.**

She scrambled back on weak legs, her hand confirming her saber was securely attached to her hip as she darted into the cave system. Her usually agile feet felt sluggish and heavy as she vaulted over rocks and she ignited her saber to help her navigate the twisting and turning path. She skid to a stop when she heard the engines die out and the echo of approaching footsteps.

 _Two, at least,_ she thought backing away and moving deeper into the cave. Despite the care she took with her movements, they were slowly gaining on her and she killed her saber, plunging her into darkness and pressed her hand against the wall to further guide her.

 _Kriff,_ she cursed as she came to a dead end. Quickly ascertaining she would not have time to back track, she ran her palm over the wall, and finding a hand hold, ascended. Several feet up she crouched on a small ledge and waited. The pale red glow of a vibroblade grew closer and Rey shrunk back, holding her body as close to the rocks as possible and sighed in relief once it moved further away on an alternative path. After a minute, she climbed down and started to quietly retraced her steps, her progress excruciatingly slow without a light source. Her breaths were short and shallow, paced out between her movements but everything sounded deafening to her ears and she grimaced.

Suddenly, the hair on the back of her neck stood on end and reflexively she spun, igniting her saber just in time to block a song steel staff from bashing in her skull. In a flash, it was withdrawn, the other end whizzing past her cheek as she ducked and sent a Force push outward. The sound of a grunt and clattering rocks assured her it had connected and Rey took off in a run, desperate to reach the exit. She was exhausted and outnumbered. She had to make it to the Falcon.

The exit to the cave had just come into view, a small speck of light in the distance, when a large body slammed into her from the side. She barely managed to hold onto her blade as her back connected with the ground, the mass that had held onto her breaking away with the impact. She tumbled down a decline, the roar of the underground river growing louder.

Gritting her teeth, she used the momentum to roll to her feet and waited.

Two thin red lights filled the cavern, the matching vibrobeams showing the broad outline of their owner.

 _"Mumo Blirr. A Mandolorian male. He prefers to fight from afar...don't get complacent, though. He's more than proficient in close quarters and carries two small vibro blades."_

Rey swallowed thickly as another figure stepped up beside him. Hooded all in black, the light from his companion's beams danced over the silvery surface of his staff.

 _"Vemvoar... a Miralukan. His people have no eyes, but do not think that means he cannot 'see'."_

They said nothing as they separated, each circling to surround her and Rey ignited her blade, shuffling back to keep them in front of her as best she could. It seemed as if she blinked and they were upon her, red and silver moving furiously through the air. Her pike spun as if on its own accord, deflecting as she reluctantly gave up ground. Her visibility was a handicap and she wondered how Blir seemed to have no trouble.

 _His helmet... he must have night vision._

Rey threw off his blades and made to smash at the eyes on his protection but her forward arm was gripped in the Force, the movement yanking her violently backward. Letting out a startled cry, she managed to stay upright but didn't dodge the staff that caught her across the cheek. Pinpoint lights erupted behind her lids and she reached out with the Force to grip at the walls around her.

With a loud snap, rocks started to tumble from the ceiling and she sprinted further into the system, collapsing the tunnel as she ran. She shook her head to clear the double vision that had her stumbling into the walls and the light of her saber fell upon the rushing river just in time for her to skid to a stop at the edge.

"Kriff," she muttered, her heart thundering in her chest and clouds of condensation forming with her heavy breaths. The air stirred around her and she ducked and pivoted, her beam swinging upward to block and catch the incoming staff. The Miralukan leaned into the intersection of their weapons, using his weight to his advantage and her feet slid against the eroding ground closer to the ledge.

The water rushed at her back, black as the oil that flowed in the machines she tinkered with on Jakku, while they struggled and the light from her saber illuminated the flat, non-existent eye sockets of the face beneath the hood of her attacker, the sight unnerving her greatly. She reached for the Force like she had done on Starkiller base but it sputtered out and died, leaving her limbs and confidence shaking. Vemvoar's staff broke free of their lock and he slammed his shoulder into her chest.

Though only a fraction of a second, it seemed like forever that she hovered in the in-between, her future on a knife's edge. And then, with a nearly imperceptible shove, the Force pushed her into the waiting torrent.


	20. Chapter 20

The swiftness of the current pulled her beneath the surface and she frantically struggled upward, her shoulder striking a rock here, her back scraping against the sharp walls there. She gasped into the dark as her head broke the surface and she just had time to shove her saber into her jacket before she was dragged back under.

Pulling on her rage and fear, she felt the Force well up within and propel her upward once more. Rey blindly grabbed at whatever meager hold she could, and was horrified to find herself braced against the entrance to an underground cave system, the water pulling her downward.

She tried to tamp down her panic and focus on her hands and their placement on the sheer rock face but every attempt to re-position had her sliding down further into the mouth of the cavern.

"No!" she cried in frustration as she slipped again, the water rushing over her ears and face. One of her boots came loose as she tried to kick against the ceiling and water poured into her coat, snagging the hood like a sail. All at once she lost her grip and was yanked violently downward, her body loosing all sense of proprioception.

The back of her skull struck something hard and she went limp from the impact. Her lungs burned as her brain screamed at her to breathe but she had no idea which way was up to even attempt to find the surface. The current was more turbulent now, the rush of the water like the roar of a Destoyer's engine in her head.

She could feel herself fading and knew at any moment she would take in an involuntary breath, and the black water would rush into her lungs.

That would be it, that would be her end.

And then she was flying, her body following the water into the air as it cascaded out the cliff side. Desperately she breathed in, the precious oxygen allowing her to focus enough to try to pull on the Force and slow her descent.

But the fall was from too great a height and the weight of the water too much.

 _Ben,_ she thought, knowing how the death of her side of the bond would hurt him. _I'm sorry._

The small point he occupied in her mind bloomed in a fiery rush just before she slammed into the waiting black depths below.

* * *

It is all blinding sunlight and burning heat when she finds herself standing with the sand shifting beneath her feet.

"Come back!" she hears a girl scream and her stomach lurches. She knows this memory, had seen it first in Ben's mind and replayed it too many times since then in her own.

Her arm hurts in a phantom pain, mimicking where Plutt's grip is on the little girl's arm.

"Shut it, girl!" growls the grotesque man and he pulls her back toward the outpost.

Rey watches in horrified fascination as the little girl screams, slamming her ineffective fists into the meaty hand that holds her.

"No!" she shouts again and Plutt yanks this time, hard, a sickening snap reaching Rey's ears and her younger self falls to her knees in pain.

The ship is nearly out of sight now and the girl, her face tear stained and dirty, thrusts out her hand towards the escaping craft.

"Father!" she screams and Rey can feel the Force echo even in this memory as it rushes out to connect with the ship, the strength of it shredding the derelict machinery.

A rolling orange and blood red fireball is all that remains as the pieces rain down over the horizon.

* * *

Silence surrounded her as her body drifted in nothingness and she wondered, with very little concern, if she'd been spaced and these were her last moments.

 **Rey!**

Iron bands clamped around her chest and waist, yanking her upward.

 _The knights... on Nom Chorios... the water... the fall... my father._

Cold wind rushed across her face as her body broke the surface, held aloft in the air by the Force, and yet, Rey barely noticed.

 _I killed him._

 **Rey, dammit, wake up!**

She felt the press of gloved fingers against her chin, the sensation slowly returning to the rest of her body as her eyes fluttered open. Ben was crouched over her, a hood and cloak obscuring most of his face from her blurry vision.

"Can you walk?" he asked, his voice sounding muffled and far away to her ears. Slowly his question registered and she looked down, surprised to see her limbs trembling violently underneath her sodden clothes. She tried to move them but they would not obey beyond pulling in tighter towards her body in a reflexive movement to seek warmth.

"Dammit," he cursed and reached down, clipping her saber to his belt before leaning back and removing his cloak to wrap around her form. Small wisps of condensation escaped with his every breath as he hurriedly scanned the terrain.

"I've masked our Force signatures. They'll think you're dead but will still look for a body," he explained as he crouched and hauled her up in his arms. Her teeth started to clatter, and he looked down at her, frowning. She felt him prod at her mind, likely trying to get a full assessment of her injuries and he quickened his pace away from the shore, his feet sliding on loose rocks as he entered a cavern to take refuge.

She stared at him in shock.

 _How?_

"Y-y-y-your shhhhhhhhip?" she managed to force out from her lips, her tongue feeling heavy and numb.

 **Don't have one. I got here through the bond.**

Her thoughts were sluggish and she was certain she must have misunderstood… it was impossible.

 **Is it?** he asked, squeezing past a narrowing in the cave. **I was in that hut with you on Ahch-to. You came to me after my mother died.** He set her down behind a short wall that would shield her from view from anyone approaching. **When it matters, we can.**

The red light from his saber illuminated the cave as he shoved it through the wall that blocked them, creating a lookout for others possibly following. Shutting off the beam, he turned back to her, and pulled off one of his gloves to touch the pulse at her neck.

But she could not feel him.

"Our combined efforts with the Force during your fall kept you from internal injuries but your core body temperature and your heart rate are dangerously low. I can't start a fire without alerting them where we are and you are in no condition to fight. I don't know how long I'll remain here. I have to-" he murmured before pausing, his face pulling tight in a frown.

She could barely make him out in the darkness, his pale profile grey as he looked away from her and his hand fell away from her throat… or maybe it was her eyesight dimming at the edges, she wasn't sure. Her torso fell back as her control slipped, the back of her head connecting with rock behind her.

"Fuck," she heard Ben hiss and his hands were on her then, pulling the cloak from her shoulders in one quick movement before unzipping her jacket still around her. He flung the latter away from them, the article smacking against the rock floor in a wet thump. Her remaining boot and tunic followed and after some hesitation, he reached for his cloak again, this time covering her with the dry side. She could feel his anxiety and determination through the bond as he reached underneath it, his fingertips ghosting over the waistband of her pants.

 **I'm sorry,** he thought hurriedly as he stripped the clothes from her lower body, careful to keep her shielded under the cloak. Embarrassment poured through the bond as his attention turned to the fabric wound about her chest. He exposed a section over her ribs and ran his finger over it, his head drooping briefly when water beaded up. There was a flash of silver, the sound of fabric tearing, and then he was pulling the cloak up to her chin and over her shoulders.

Part of her mind registered that she was naked in a cave with her former enemy while two murderous Darksiders hunted for her dead remains, but she felt like she was watching from just outside her body, half her attention in the here and now, the other stuck in a moment in the desert so long ago. Other memories were pouring out behind the first, like the plug in a dam finally being dislodged.

 _A dark haired woman, her mother,_ _hugging her after Rey brought a circuit board that could be scavenged for the precious metals…_

 _The same woman, stumbling and drunk, chasing after her with a switch as the frightened girl hid in a crate..._

 _Her father giving her a handmade doll he found on one particularly bountiful scavenging trip…_

 _Him snatching the doll from her hands to fling it against the wall when she played too loudly and he'd had too many stims the night before..._

 _A few shiny pieces of scrap floating around her as she played, blissfully unaware of the adults who had just rounded the corner…_

 _Her mother's open palm against her cheek and the clattering of metal as the items fell to the ground..._

 _Ignorance feeding into fear, and fueling their vices..._

 _Vices that let the fear bleed into a rage to be directed at a trembling little girl_

She pinched her eyes shut to ward off anymore memories and gasped against the pain that rocketed through her chest.

"Rey?"

His hand was back at the pulse in her neck, the other cushioning her head against the rock as she continued to shiver violently. His eyes scanned her face as he leaned over and she was struck with the sudden fear that he would disappear too, leaving her alone, shivering in the dark.

 _Don't leave me._

She should have been ashamed of the desperate, child-like tenor she projected with it but the impulse vanished as his eyes softened.

 **I won't.**

 _I'm dying._

His eyes flicked over her and his lips thinned **.**

 **No.**

With one look back towards the cave's entrance, he shifted to sit beside her and pulled his tunic off in one fluid motion.

 _What are you-_

If she had any control over her body, she wouldn't have let out a startled, and very un-Rey-like shriek at how swiftly he lifted her into his lap. He hurriedly adjusted the cloak around them both to contain their combined body heat, his eyes remaining lifted to the ceiling the entire time.

The heat he radiated was a beacon and instinctively she pressed herself against his chest, and a pained hiss escaped him as her icy skin came in contact with his.

 **Kriffing hell,** he mentally cursed but his arms slid underneath the cloak anyway to stiffly wrap around her bare back.

Her heart was pounding loud and slow but she was no longer sure if it was due to her impending death or the position she now found herself in with her cheek pressed to a ridge of scar tissue just below his collar bone.

 _My scar._

She knew he heard her slightly addled musings by the startle in his already rigid posture but he did not otherwise respond.

It felt like forever until she stopped shivering, his body heat finally raising her own out of lethal range, but still she did not move.

 _Kriff, what have I done..._

"I killed him," she whispered, and she felt him shift to peer down at her, his confusion evident.

"Who?"

"My father."

She pushed the memory towards him, finding the action easier than describing every excruciating detail. In her raw state, the other recollections of her life with her parents seeped through as a jumble of blurry images.

"My mother abandoned us. And my father, he sold me because he was afraid of me." He voice caught as she took in a shaky breath. "I murdered him for it."

She could laugh from the irony of her confession if her only her chest would stop caving in.

His struggle was apparent and she felt his desired response filter through their connection, a cutting ferocity backing the thought before he pulled back.

 _ **He deserved it.**_

He shifted, his chest rising as he took a sharp breath and a moment later he responded. "You didn't know that would happen," he said finally, his voice passing directly through her. "You only wanted him to stay."

Her face crumpled and she turnes her cheek into his shoulder. After a heartbeat, the hands that had been held in fists away from her body folded over her sides and his head turned slightly to press his chin against her temple.

The comfort she derived from his jerky, hesitant movements was something she couldn't quite put into words.

It was so strange, the heartache she felt juxtaposed with the pleasantness of his skin against hers. She had no idea it could feel this nice to be held... she'd never been held before, not that she could remember.

 _He was the last, carrying you on Takodana._

The universe outside the cave ceased to matter to her in that moment, her awareness narrowing down to where his fingers curled against her ribs and his heart beat under her ear. Meaningless titles fell away along with the burdens of their legacies, the Force, and any perceived destiny.

Here and now they were just Ben and Rey.

That thought spurned her, in a moment of wild bravery, to slide her hands up his chest to wrap around his neck and complete their first embrace. She had no way of knowing how long they stayed pressed against one another, nor was she sure of when her blood began to thrum in her veins and she became hyper aware of every point their bodies made contact. She let out a breath against the column of his throat, her exhaustion overtaking her, and hoped that she would at least not crack her skull against the rocks when he eventually vanished.


	21. Chapter 21

_Thank you all so much for your patience. I was feeling really lost despite my story-boarding and unmotivated for a while. But now I'm back and I have a wonderful beta, SerialChillr, to give feedback and help me move forward._

* * *

He ran his tongue over his teeth in agitation, his fingers drumming against the palm of his other hand clasped behind his back. His gaze was unseeing as he stared though the window overlooking a squadron's training and his lip curled in disgust as a trooper failed to remain in step.

"They are getting worse," he sneered.

The subordinate behind him cleared his throat. "The most recent analyst confirms increased incidents of individualism."

Hux's head whipped around. "Root them out and bring them to me."

"For reprogramming, sir?" asked Mitaka, his brow furrowed. "We've never tried with any this old-"

"For extermination. Dissidence will not be tolerated."

He turned on his heel, resuming his observation.

"And the other situation?" he asked a moment later through gritted teeth.

"The Knights are arriving..."

He trailed off as the sensors activated and the doors drew open with a hydraulic hiss. Mitaka stumbled back to press against the wall as a dark figure stormed into the room.

"Well?" bit out Hux.

Mirathi Chalissm's blank mask barely turned towards the General's direction in acknowledgement. "The Jedi has been eliminated."

"And the body?"

"Irretrievable."

"Nonsense," scoffed Hux. "There is nowhere the First Order cannot go."

"We are uncertain as to the exact location of her corpse."

"Excuse me?" sputtered Hux, his rigid composure cracking and face turning near purple with rage.

"She drowned in a current somewhere in the cave system on Nom Chorios."

"You are not certain she is deceased, then?"

"The likelihood of her survival is minimal. It does not matter either way. She is weak and will not pose a threat."

"And if she joins Ren?" spat Hux, "They certainly managed to mount attack enough to kill six Praetorian guards and the Supreme Leader."

The Knight did not respond.

"Where is Ren? Have your people at least made headway on that front?"

"There were sightings on Chandrila, but they are so far unverified."

"If the Jedi girl is alive, she'll be with him. Find Ren. Consider that an order," sneered Hux.

The flat obsidian mask tilted and Hux felt cold phantom fingers put the slightest pressure on either side of his trachea.

"As you said, our Supreme Leader is dead," replied Chalissm quietly. "We will collaborate as long as our goals align. But we do not answer to you."

The pressure abated and Chalissm left the room, not deigning to bow before making his exit.

Hux glared at the now empty space.

"Mitaka, what is the status on the ysalamiri?"

"Our scouts have captured two on Myrkr."

"Find more."

* * *

"Kriff."

Every limb bore a deep, unrelenting ache that plateaued with the slightest movement, radiating up to reverberate within her head.

 _"Kriff,_ " she groaned even louder as she rolled onto her back and yelped when a particularly jagged pebble pricked her in the spine. Out of reflex she jerked upright, grimacing and cursing underneath her breath to hurl the offending stone against the wall. If she could just wake one morning without feeling like she'd wrecked a speeder into a wall and then fell down a cliff...

With a sigh, her shoulders drooped, and she shivered, her exposed skin pebbling in the chilled air as her fingers found the edges of the cloak still wrapped around her body and pulled them closer.

When he had loomed over her in that snowy forest, a wraith out of her nightmares, she had never imagined she would one day be grateful he was an absurdly huge man, but it had been large enough to wrap around her form and insulate her from the cold ground. Her eyes scanned her surroundings, a pang of disappointment appearing when she confirmed her suspicions.

He was gone, taken back by the bond.

 _Left alone, again,_ she bitterly mused to herself and she pulled her knees up to tighten the cloak around her. _But he had not wanted to leave..._

Heat worked its way up her neck as she remembered... the thrum of his pulse against her cheek, his broad arms around her frame, the electric feel of his skin against hers, the smell of him, clean and masculine...

Her palm came up, involuntarily rubbing the center of her chest as if to snub out the ache of longing that had appeared.

She pushed the memory away along with the complicated emotions, shaking herself to focus enough to perform a small curato salvo and soothe her headache.

Her sodden clothes had been laid over a rock to allow gravity to aid in their drying, and her remaining boot was propped upright as water slowly dripped down the stone.

She had to get back to the Falcon somehow, and she considered her options while plucking at the fabric around her.

With ice crystals forming over their surface, her clothes were out of the question, and she glanced around looking for something to cinch the cloak around her waist.

 _I can use my saber and cut some holes for my arms, trim the length of the fabric, and use the scrap to tie around my waist..._

She rose to her feet, the black material pooling around her and she tripped with her first step toward her pike, causing the neck line to yank down her chest.

"Dammit!" she cursed, snatching the hem against her collar bone. Her head jerked up as she heard footfalls coming closer.

One hand shot out, the cold hilt of her saber slamming into it a fraction of a second later while the fingers on her other tightened their death grip.

 _Maker, please don't let me have to fight naked._

The immediate rush of adrenaline was replaced by stunned silence, her jaw falling open to see Ben round the corner, a canvas bag slung over his shoulder. A faint perspiration beaded along his forehead as he breathed in deeply, his expression tense as they stared at one another.

Something akin to a shaky, uncertain elation bloomed in her chest at seeing him, the tell-tale reverberation of the physical connection of their bond absent.

"You're here," she breathed out. "You're really here."

He nodded slowly and took a step closer.

"They're gone. Blir was never great at masking his presence so unless he's marooned Vemvoar here on his own... we should leave now in any case." He swallowed and pulled the pack from his shoulder to hold it out in her direction. "Your clothes."

Rey blinked, her gaze moving from his face to the bundle, then back again before she frowned in confusion. "You went on the Falcon?" she asked incredulously.

"It's just a ship," he snapped then flinched, his eyes closing briefly before casting to the floor.

Her frown deepened but he said nothing further and she reached out, taking the materials from him.

"How long was I out?"

"A few hours." He looked up, his eyes scanning from her head to her feet. "How are you feeling?"

She shrugged and winced as the movement caused a fresh but muted new wave of pain. "I've felt better."

He watched her struggle with her saber and bag in hand while clutching the cloak closed and slowly turned away. "Can you manage on your own?"

"Yes!" she replied, her sudden panic at the thought of him dressing her made the words come out more harshly than she intended, and she used the moment to examine the contents of the bag. The long sleeve shirt and pants would have been fine layered underneath her cold weather attire but would only moderately protect as they were, and she hoped the Falcon was not far off.

She huffed in combination of frustration and embarrassment, dressing as quickly as she was able, and shoved her soaked clothes into the newly empty bag.

Debating on the usefulness of the remaining boot, her scavenging instincts won over, and she placed that too into the canvas. Her socks would just have to be protection enough for now.

She retrieved the cloak from the ledge she had draped it and folded it over her arm to approach Ben's still rigid frame with a sigh.

"Thank you," she murmured, pressing the edge of the cloak to his elbow. His eyes snapped to where she touched him, and Rey could feel surprise followed by relief before his gaze rose to her face, his own expression otherwise inscrutable.

Rey flushed under his gaze, the moment feeling strangely intimate, and practically shoved the fabric into his arms before moving quickly past him. Hesitating outside of mouth of the cave, she waited for him to catch up, the minimal change of the suns in the sky making it near impossible to use any stars to pinpoint her own location on the planet.

"This way," he murmured, his shoulder brushing hers as he started toward a path. "Do you think you'll be able to make the climb?"

He glanced back over his shoulder, his gaze going immediately to the limp she was trying to suppress.

"I have to," she replied honestly. "It's not like you can carry me up a rock face."

They walked in silence, Rey just a few paces behind, her eyes frequently flicking up to his back and a nervous twittering in her stomach. They had been frequent interlopers in each other's lives over the past six standard months but never like this, perpetually together with no immediate threat to draw their attention elsewhere.

He paused as they came to a rock face and he eyed the hand hold above his head before glancing back over his shoulder.

"Can you reach it?" he asked nodding upwards.

Rey stepped around him and examined the distance, her years of climbing and scavenging telling her it would normally be higher than her reach and there was no other suitable grip to start. She reached out to the Force but her hold on it was still weak, further strained by her small session of healing, and she would be unable to supplement her jump.

"No," she muttered and scanned for another way, so focused on her search she did not notice he had stepped up behind her.

In the next second, she felt large hands encircle her waist and lift her in the air to unceremoniously put the ledge at eye level, her surprised half protest dying in her throat as she grabbed the rock. Hurriedly she scrambled up the wall to free up the space for him to follow.

Over and over, the pattern was repeated with Rey always moving ahead first, her mind wandering as she tried to suss out why the innocuous touch unnerved her so.

Was it because it was the first time they touched outside of the bond?

No, that wasn't quite right. She had touched him before, in the throne room...

Her cheeks blazed at the memory of how she had grabbed him for leverage in their fight.

 _Maker_ , she can't believe she had gripped him so high on his thigh, fight or no.

A brief vision of her hand on his leg in a more intimate situation flashed across her mind, causing her grip to slip. One foot shot out to balance herself and she felt his hand snatch it and push up, allowing her to correct her mistake. She chastised herself for her inattention; she would not die because of this mindless preoccupation.

Gritting her teeth, Rey locked in on the path before her and sped up the climb, sighing in relief when she spotted the falls that obscured the Falcon. She hauled herself up over the ledge and started toward the entrance. The sound of the falls drowned out any footsteps, but a shift in their bond had Rey feeling Ben's emotions swirling around her in turmoil, and she turned.

He had stopped several paces back at the base of the ramp, his hands fisted at his sides as he stared forward. She made move to speak when he jerked and marched briskly past her.

"We need to get off this rock," he muttered heading toward the cockpit. She ran to catch up and follow beside his long strides, purposefully seating herself in the captain's chair. She was surprised at his lack of comment as he took the co-seat but didn't remark otherwise, her hands flying over the controls as his did the same on his panel.

It was eerie in a way... Logically, she knew the man next to her was the son of Han Solo and Leia Organa and had spent literal years on this very frigate, and yet, seeing him expertly move around the intricate and cobbled controls started to merge all the scatter plot knowledge she had of him.

As it was, she didn't notice they both reached for the throttle at the same time, his hand clamping over hers just as her fingers closed. Pleasant electricity shot up her arm in the split second it took him to realize what had happened and pull away. He busied himself jabbing his finger against the screen as she guided the Falcon upward into the atmosphere.

"Wait, what are you doing?" she asked with a frown.

His finger paused over the screen.

"Putting in coordinates," he replied flatly, one eyebrow slightly raised.

"Well, obviously. But to where? Shouldn't we discuss it?"

"Devaron. It is heavily forested with large uninhabited areas, one of which contains the Temple of Eedit. Parts of it were damaged during the clone wars but enough should remain standing to house us. And while it is not a nexus, the Temple was built on a convergence of the Force that will make it easier to train."

"And the weather?" she asked warily.

"Temperate."

"And the sunlight?"

He sat back. "It has it."

"Good," she sighed, the end of it tremulous as she shook in a slight shiver.

Ben flicked his wrist, the input button depressing in response.

He remained quiet as she navigated them to a hyperspace lane, and she sensed him watching her from the corner of his eye. A high pitched, angry beep sounded from behind and Rey smiled at the irate little droid.

"I'm alright, Twobee. I promise. It's just some bruising."

Twobee tweeted its dismissal of her assessment, commencing to scan her, and hummed angrily upon the completion.

"Fine, some bruising AND some abrasions AND a concussion."

"Your second concussion in the last few months," corrected Ben, frowning as the droid continued to angrily recount her medical history.

Rey's jaw fell open as she glanced back and forth between the two, their similar disappointment with her apparent, and she straightened. After tending to herself for most of her life, she couldn't help the reflexive annoyance.

"I am fine," she repeated, enunciating each word firmly.

"Regardless, you need to rest."

"I am perfectly capable of-"

"I know you are," he interrupted calmly, "but the ship is on autopilot, and you've barely slept and would benefit from some liberally applied bacta patches."

"You've been awake longer than I have," she argued back.

"But I did not get my head slammed against a rock."

Rey huffed in reluctant defeat and pushed herself up to go to her quarters, surprised to see him follow her.

"You can take Chewie's room," she offered

"No, thank you," he said quickly, a dark cloud passing over his features and he turned sharply, swinging himself onto the gun well ladder to descend into the ventral port.

Rey hovered in the hall, staring at where he had just disappeared before throwing her hands up in frustration.

For a man of nearly thirty, if he insisted on sleeping folded up on an uncomfortable chair, then she would leave him to his folly.

She, on the other hand, would make use of a shower then seek out an actual bed.


	22. Chapter 22

Her dreams were fitful, her consciousness careening from adolescence to early childhood and back again, flashes of her life with her mother and father mixed into the familiar landscape of Jakku.

She awoke with the horrible remembrance of fire and twisted metal, the vision she had on Nom Chorios.

Nausea roiled in her stomach and she had to distract herself, had to do anything but dwell on the fate of her father at her own hands. The fog of sleep, augmented by a shot of medication from a disgruntled if well-meaning droid, was difficult for Rey to shake off and she braced her hand on the bed frame to get her bearings.

Her door opened with a hiss and the focus of her current ire rolled in, causing Rey to grunt a sleepy greeting.

The little droid hummed in response then scanned her before it set about changing the bacta patches.

"How long was I out?" asked Rey, grimacing as one patch clung to a particularly sensitive bit of skin.

The short tweet from Twobee had her eyes going wide.

"Eighteen hours?! Are you joking?"

The droid reaffirmed and then seemed to take an inordinate amount of joy in removing the next patch. She scowled throughout the ministrations, and pulled her hair up in a simple tie before half-walking, half-hopping to slide her shoes on her feet. She was still cramming her foot in the shoe when she passed through the door and looked up just in time to see Ben exit the gun well, his face grimaced as he rubbed at the crick in his neck.

"That wouldn't happen if you slept in a real bed," she said when he made eye contact.

"I will," he grumbled and walked past her to the cockpit, "on Devaron."

"There are other beds. You can take one of the bunks in the-"

His back went rigid and his steps slowed to a stop. "In the galley?" he asked rhetorically and turned to face her. "Or maybe the hammocks in the cargo hold?" He kicked a grate that fell open to reveal a small crawl space. " I napped in there when hiding from one of C3PO's lectures." He took a few steps towards her, voice quiet. "I know of every room and dark corner to possibly sleep on this garbage heap."

"Are you angry with me? For bringing you here through the bond?"

"No." His eyes closed briefly, and he shook his head. "I don't belong here."

Rey tried to hide that his words felt like a blow. "I could bypass the temple for now and find a city. You could find passage onto a ship and go wherever you want from there. It would take longer but seeing as neither you or I know how you managed to actually join me here, it would be far more likely to be successful than waiting to see if the bond would send you back."

"What? No, I wasn't-" he paused, his fingers curling into his palms. "I meant I don't belong here, _on this ship,_ not that I don't belong-"

He cut himself off abruptly and they stood in silence from one another across the hall.

"Ben...why _are_ you here?" asked Rey quietly and took a few steps to shorten the distance between them. His eyes followed her but still he said nothing. "I don't understand."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No!" she exclaimed. "I just..." She shrugged helplessly, hating the way she felt so inarticulate and unable to accurately express her bewilderment.

A heavy sigh shifted his shoulders and he leaned against the wall, his arms folding over his chest.

"I have spent so much time running away from everything the Falcon represents, done terrible things to try to bury Ben Solo." His head shook in disbelief as he looked around them before settling on her. " I begged Vader for a sign, anything to show me my path. And then the Force brought you, Rey of Jakku, to me on the one ship I never wanted to see again-"

"I was on Takodana first. So technically, it brought you to me."

"-with my grandfather's lightsaber no less. And then the Force, again, brings me to you and the ship."

"But why?"

She felt his mind press against hers, asking permission and she allowed him through, her vision filling with swirling snow and him defeated on the ground as he calmly awaited her judgement.

 ** _My fate lies with you._**

Ben pushed off the wall and turned to leave when Rey reached out, catching his arm.

"Stop it. I am tired of everyone speaking in cryptic riddles. We are running out of time and I am most definitely out of patience. Speak. Plainly."

His brow raised and he bit the inside of his cheek in contemplation.

"You haven't lied to me yet," she whispered and squeezed his arm where she still held him. "Please don't start now."

He looked at the ground, his feet shuffling.

"I think you are the key to the end of the war, the end of the Resistance and First Order. No more rebels, no more empires. You will bring balance to the Force. And I believe I am to train and accompany you."

"But...," she started blinking rapidly, "How? And why me?"

He slowly shook his head. "I'm not certain. But that's the thing about the Force. It's just a feeling that we're left to grasp after."

Rey's nose wrinkled in distaste. "I don't like that the Force will do as it wishes with us and we are slaves to its whim."

" _Others_ are slaves."

"But not us?"

"No, not us."

* * *

Rey climbed the ladder to the dorsal gun port and plopped down on the seat, admiring the swirl of hyperspace while she digested Ben's words.

It was flattering in a way, to be thought someone of that much import but she couldn't quell her deep disappointment.

He was here because of a prophecy, because he thought it was his duty to find her, the Force having tasked him with her training.

 _He is only here now because the bond forced him to my side._

The thought did not settle quite right with her, flashes of the looks he sometimes gave her making her palms sweat even now. She wondered if his body and mind rebelled against him when he thought of her and found the idea both intriguing and absurd. She might have been enticing to the rough necks out in the desert, but she had only been a face attached to the parts that made up the essentials of her biological sex. It was crude to categorize herself as such but so had been the numerous, faceless men that hurled the assessment at her in the first place.

She shuddered as she remembered when Unker Plutt briefly considered selling her to a brothel before dismissing the plan, declaring her scrawny and far more likely to make coin by inching her way through derelict ships.

She had been thirteen.

But now, for the first time in her life, she wouldn't mind being found appealing.

Specifically, she wouldn't mind if _he_ found her appealing. _Kriffin' hells_ , what if he didn't? And she had already rejected her once, choosing the First Order over her and the Resistance... the thought of his rejection plucked at a fear deep in her core.

Confused, and feeling ridiculously out of her depth, she vowed to put it aside and focus, a skill she was finding increasingly difficult to do so close to the tall and dour man.

* * *

Her eyes followed the curve of the lettering, trying to memorize its shape and varying nuances then flipped several pages hoping to find a match. Recognition of patterns was the first step in learning a new language in her experience but the fact the book had been hand written made it difficult to distinguish dialect difference from artistic license.

Rey looked up as the Falcon's dash alerted they were approaching the hyperspace exit that would position them right at Devaron. Carefully slipping one of her old twines against the spine in to hold her place, she closed the book and pulled her feet down from where they had rested on the dash. Ben wordlessly slipped into the seat beside her and Rey raised her eyebrow curiously. The man had kept to himself for the better part of the day since their last conversation. He glanced at her with a nod of acknowledgement and reached for the controls. As if on reflex, Rey quickly leaned over and swatted his hands away, earning herself a perplexed glare.

"Chewie put me in charge of Falcon, and I don't trust you not to rough her up out of spite. So, I'll be taking her down if you don't mind," she told him in a tone that very much meant she did not care if he did.

"Let me get this straight," he replied, leaning back in the chair and swiveling in her direction. "You think I would intentionally wreck the ship I'm flying in? The only ship, mind you, that either of us have at our disposal, because I'm resentful?"

Rey glanced over, combining what she knew of Leia and Han's personalities with what she knew of him.

"Yes, I do."

He snorted lightly and turned forward though he kept his hands on the armrests and away from the column.

The cloud cover was dense as they entered the atmosphere and the Falcon shook with the gentle turbulence as they descended, and anticipation flooded Rey with giddy excitement. She loved this part, seeing a new world for a first time, the lifeforms she had never seen before, colors she could not ever have imagined. Her life had been so monotone, both literally and figuratively for so long, the variety on just the few planets she had seen thus far felt like a gift.

Devaron did not disappoint.

The Falcon burst through the clouds and flew down over rolling tree strew hills towards a lake and the temple facade that abutted the edge. A mountain ridge stretched out far in the distance, some peaks disappearing into the clouds. They had arrived at dawn, the sun's rays reflecting off the water like a sheet of bright copper in the still morning air.

Rey smiled as the warm glow illuminated the inside of the Falcon's cockpit and fell over her face, making her feel warm despite her being sequestered behind glass.

Maker, there was so much beauty in the galaxy, and she wanted to see it all.

She opened the ramp as soon as she found a suitable place to put the Falcon down, pausing only to brush her fingers over her saber to confirm its placement before racing down the hall, the wild, feral child in her longing for fresh air and open sky. The air was crisp but not unpleasant and Rey pulled in deep breaths, allowing the life force of the planet to enter her blood stream. It smelled of loam and carried the echoing calls from the animal inhabitants with it on the gentle breeze from the lake.

"Have you been here before?" she asked as Ben stepped up beside her.

"No. Not many have been since the Clone Wars and the first fall of the Jedi. It was left to its own decay."

Through the treetops she could see a part of the temple in the distance, a tarnished bronze spire perched upon a white column.

"This way then," she said nodding toward the point.

They soon came to the remnants of a path, the well worn stone barely visible under the green overgrowth. The terrain turned downward into thickened brush and sunlight trickled through the canopy in bright slashes that lit their way. Rey's gaze was upward, watching the changing kaleidoscope above when the footsteps behind her slowed and stopped.

"Rey..."

She turned to see Ben gesture beyond her, and she followed the movement, her lips parting when she saw them. Dotted throughout the grounds were marble statues in various acts of motion appearing as if the inhabitants had been petrified, the slow passage of time allowing them to be swallowed by the flora.

They weaved between them as they neared the temple base, both pausing to admire the impressive detail and occasionally pulling back the vines to sate their curiosity. Similarly adorned archways lead to an entrance and long corridor with a light at the end. The sounds of the forest died away as they entered the darkness and Rey ran her fingers along the wall as they walked, a habit she'd picked up scavenging on Jakku.

 _One... two... three..._ she counted off the breaks on her side that indicated a doorway or off shooting passage until they came to the end into a grand room. It must have been splendid in its heyday, the damaged cathedral ceilings defying logic of structural integrity, even more so in their current state. Numerous creatures scattered at their arrival, some scampering behind fallen columns and others taking flight. Rey walked forward to the end of the hall, curious to see the view of the lake from this vantage point now that the morning had burned away, and left Ben to his own musings.

Grit scraped under her boots as she stepped outside and up to the balustrade. The water started further back from the structure than it had seemed from the air and was connected to the land by a strip of pebbled beach stretching along the shore. Beneath the balcony the earth had been dug out and a meditation garden carefully carved into the landscape and buffered by a small levee on all sides. Within these borders spiraling pools of water pressed against one another, each twisting in different directions to create a filigree pattern, the edging of which was just wide enough to step upon.

She vaulted over the railing, landing lightly, if awkwardly, on a raised section and crouched down to touch the water the small ripples traveling across the surface.

Sensing she was being watched, she looked up to see Ben leaning over the railing.

"I've found where they kept the supplies."

She withdrew her fingers from the pool and straightened. As much as her scavenging instincts itched to explore these ruins, needs must and she stepped on the grass covered levee and leapt upward, one hand finding purchase on the lower rung of the balcony. She reached up with the other only to have it clap into Ben's waiting one, his fingers closing around her wrist to effortlessly pull her up.

He released her once her feet hit the ground and nodded for her to follow him back into the great hall.

"The food will hold out for the two of us though it wouldn't be a terrible idea to try our hand at hunting or fishing, if for nothing else but variety," he explained as he lead her down into a storage cellar. "I didn't check out the water rations yet."

He nodded towards a wall of corked jugs, their labels long worn off or obscured by dust and webbing.

"I'll do it. You make sure the portions haven't gone bad."

"Those would survive a sarlacc pit as long as they were in the original packaging," he muttered but still went over and opened one crate to exam for its integrity.

Rey started with the largest containers, the contents of which were indeed water and blessedly free of mildew or other contamination. Several smaller bottles lined a higher shelf and she stretched upward and swiped at the nearest with her fingers til it fell into her grip. The opaque bottle revealed nothing and she pulled the stopper, lifting it to her nose to sniff... and immediately regretted it.

Her eyes watered and she broke into a fit of coughs, the sudden commotion getting Ben's attention.

"What happened? What is this?" he asked as he plucked the bottle out of the hand that held it far away.

"Poison," she wheezed out after a deep breath, the coughs finally starting to subside.

He peered into the neck of the glass before sniffing it himself and his face relaxed before lifting it to his lips.

"No, don't! It's-"

"Wine," he interrupted after his swallow and grimaced. "Not very good wine, I'll grant you, but still wine."

"Ugh, it's bloody awful whatever it is."

"Most alcohol is until you acquire the taste of it-"

"Taste of what? Dirt and fire?"

He grinned. "A fairly apt description."

"Is all alcohol really that bad?"

"Depends on a lot of factors. Some never really care for it." He shrugged and took the stopper from her hand to replace the bottle back on the shelf. "You've never had any before?"

"No. It was far too expensive and causes dehydration. It seemed stupid to drink on Jakku... not that that stopped others. Speaking of dehydration, though," she said and gestured toward the remaining jugs. "Even if we bathe in the lake or back on the Falcon, what we have here will last only about a week."

"Can we just boil the lake water to make it potable?"

"We could, if we're desperate, but..."

Her face pinched in concentration as she turned, her eyes skimming over the room until they stopped and she hopped up on a table. Using the flat of her palm, she knocked a grate off a vent and shoved her hand in, her eyes lighting up when she found what she was looking for.

She withdrew a dusty filter and held it out triumphantly.

"You want us to drink water that has been filtered through _that_?"

Rolling her eyes, she hopped down. "Not in the state it's in now, no." She tapped the filter to his black tunic, leaving a dusty imprint as he closed his hands over it to keep it from falling to the ground. "See how many more of these you can find."


	23. Chapter 23

"There," muttered Rey, stepping back from the now complete structure of multiple compressed sequential filters just as Ben joined her out on the stone beach.

"You're done already?" he asked crouching to examine the contraption.

Instead of responding, Rey scooped up some lake water and poured the slightly cloudy fluid into the top funnel where it trickled down, passing through each of the now clean filters to slowly collect into a waiting glass. Ben picked it up and held it to the sunlight, his eyebrows raising and clearly impressed.

"We should still boil it to kill any bacteria or parasites, but these should have removed most of the particulate matter."

He replaced the glass and stood. "I found a few sleeping quarters that are in decent enough condition. There's no electricity to them now but the temple is older than the wiring and they built them facing away from the sun so they would be relatively cool."

"What about bedding or clothing?"

"There are some in the storage units on that floor. They would be there, if anywhere," he confirmed and then cleared his throat. "We should start your training. We have no idea how long it will be until they need you."

Rey wiped her damp hands on her pants. "Yeah, just let me get my things from the Falcon and I'll meet you in the meditation garden."

He agreed and told her where the bedrooms were before lifting the water filtration system and heading back toward the temple. Rey started down the beach to turn into to the forest toward the clearing where the Falcon sat.

She loaded the texts into her bag and placed her remaining clothes on top before looking over the room.

"I do travel light," she muttered with a sigh. Her eye caught the small box she had found on Yavin 4 tucked underneath the bed. Deciding to take it with her, she fished it out and placed it gently in the sack careful to not rattle the innards.

She took her time making her way through the forest back to the temple appreciating how the oncoming noonday heat was subdued by the shade of the trees and paused once she reached the sculpture garden. Her eye had been drawn to one just off the trail of a powerful figure, his two lightsabers in mid swing and she reached out, pushing back the vines that obscured the placard below.

 **Revan Reborn**

The face of the man was scarred and had lines around his eyes that gave him a hardened, unyielding appearance though his expression was calm. She thought of another scarred face she knew and was grateful.

 _His eyes are not like that. Especially not when he smiles._

He had smiled today, amused with her mishap with the wine and it had been just as jarring as the first. She found she was quite fond of the rare expression on his features and the way it made him seem both younger yet more mature than the perpetual scowl she had grown accustomed to.

She moved on to the next statue in the cluster, a woman lithe in form with short hair, her saber extended out in front of her as if daring another to attack her.

 **Meetra Surik**

 **Our Exile, Our Salvation**

Rey backed away towards the trail certain she had tarried long enough though she couldn't help but wonder about the stories locked behind the stone figures and paused in her musings only long enough to recall Ben's directions.

The bedrooms were sparse and utilitarian, as expected of housing for Jedi. She figured she should be grateful there was a bed at all considering the floor pallets on Yavin 4, and quickly deposited her possessions before making her way back to the garden.

She had just landed from her jump off the balcony, thinking they should move something to make access more efficient, when she spotted Ben. In her absence he had removed his arm guards and gloves though his saber remained secured at his waist.

"No combat today then?"

"No. You're still healing," he replied crossing his arms over his torso. "Vemvoar and Blirr were able to track you easily. You need to learn how to conceal your presence." He gestured to the center of one of the spirals and Rey sat, noting how the water reflected the blue sky above in a perfect mirror.

"Before, you've always reached out into the Force, to create change. This time, turn the focus inward, look to yourself."

She filled her lungs and nodded with conviction before closing her eyes to rest her palms on her knees. The Force on Nom Chorios was a like the ringing of a gong, reverberating over and over and magnified by the Tsils. On Devaron, the effect was much more subtle, as if the temple were positioned over a rift, the Force venting upward from the void.

She opened her senses to it, letting in flow through her and illuminate that thing inside her that had roared to life while strapped to a cold interrogation rack. That rack was no more than star dust now.

But Rey, she was alive and whole, a luminous being of light marbled with black tendrils that curved throughout her form and drew the Force to it. She strained against it, trying to stem the influx and after a few moments, the glow of the mental map of herself dimmed.

She opened her eyes and raised an eyebrow in question of her effort.

"It was a good attempt, but I can still sense you."

"And you're certain that's not because of the bond?"

He nodded and tapped his finger to his temple. "The bond connects us here and is under a different kind of control. We can minimize the degree of openness at will, but I always know you're there. You're never gone. But to others, to the knights…. Think of the Force like an ocean, easily transmitting the echoes of anything that disturbs its surface. Most people are a pebble breaking the surface, sending out ripples of that others can sense. Some are a small pebble, some are a skipping stone or even a boulder. But you, you are the impact of an asteroid. It will be that much harder for you to hide."

She frowned but closed her eyes and tried again. A few hours later she had succeeded to the point that Ben assured her only the more skilled of the Knights would even suspect her presence.

"Now, try to hide us both," he instructed, leaning against the earthen wall.

She found herself and dimmed her presence before extending her reach to find him. It was more difficult than she had anticipated, having to focus on the Force energies moving inwards toward herself and outwards toward him, the dysynchrony not unlike trying to use both hands for differing tasks..

But after a moment of struggle, there he was, a near tactile representation to her force sense. his aura was near blinding in its intensity though fractured, deep black fault lines etched down into its core.

 _Like a broken mirror._

In the second before she tried to mask him, she almost considered it a futile task. There was no way she could contain such a thing.

But then she did, the quasar of his signature decreasing easily to a dull hum beneath her walls.

"Did you help?" she asked, cracking open one eye and released her hold. He appeared perplexed, his brow furrowed as he studied her.

"No, I didn't." He pushed off where he had sat on the levee. "What else have you been successful with?"

"I can move things, usually, if I want to."

"Like what?"

"So far, just rocks," she replied but continued in a hurry to clarify. "Very large rocks. Boulders, really."

He nodded. "The larger the object, the more Force must be generated to move it. Literally." He looked to the sky in quiet contemplation before lowering his face once again. "Can you break a hold?"

"I only tried the once," she answered, her words deliberately neutral as she pushed herself back to her feet. "It was unsuccessful, if you recall."

He had the good grace to look away then, his jaw clenching as if he wished to say something but thought the better of it.

"We should work on it, then," he stated flatly.

They started small, a weak hold around her wrist, and progressed to a moderate amount of pressure at her throat.

"Good," he murmured when she once again batted his grip successfully away from her airway and hesitated a moment, before his hand shot out again. The Force followed out behind it, like strike of a snake, this time winding around her entire body and locking her in place.

Her lungs protested the immobilization and the constriction banded about her chest tightening with her effort to push back. Slowly, with every second she failed to cast him off, her heart beat heavier in her chest and a shard of intense, unreasonable fear started to well up inside her.

In the next instant, the bindings around her were gone and he waited, still and watchful, while she collected herself.

"Sorry," she muttered, shaking out her limbs to hide their trembling and averted her eyes from him.

"Rey…"

"You just took me by surprise- "

"Rey."

"-though I suppose that was the point."

He was silent until she looked up.

"I won't hurt you," he stressed with his eyes locked on hers and took one step closer as if to convey his sincerity. "Not ever again."

She almost tried to minimize what had occurred, tell him it did not matter, that she had to learn regardless as the Knights would not be so kind, but the intensity of his expression stopped any attempt to preserve her pride.

"I believe you," she said instead.

He straightened, his lips parting and jaw opening as if he were to speak again but then stopped and sighed. "That's enough for today."

And after gathering his things, he departed.

* * *

"What's the latest?" asked Finn as he approached the hologram representation of the core worlds that projected from a center console.

"Word is getting around that the First Order might not be the bastion of stability it presents. A couple of societies have withdrawn their support, a few others are waffling. No flips to our side yet," confirmed Poe with a shrug. "Better than nothing, though."

Lando moved to the control panel and pressed a section of the screen, a report flashing before them with the faces of men and women projected beneath.

"The information broker reports recent disappearances of troops in the First Order ranks."

"Other defectors?" Finn asked hopefully but Lando grimaced, his expression apologetic.

"Possibly, but considering the profiles of the people taken, it seems far more likely Hux had a hand in the disappearances."

Finn's knuckles whitened where he gripped the console as he absorbed the information. Slaves taken as children, brainwashed and used as blaster fodder and murdered if they dared to have a thought of their own.

"Beyond that, the only other information gleaned is that some of the FO resources have been diverted towards Nom Chorios. They appear to be several excavation teams and not military personnel."

Finn's brow creased. "What are they looking for?"

"Not sure. It's a fairly desolate planet, but apparently it does have some history with the Jedi …." Poe hesitated, his face turning sympathetic. "Finn, have you heard anything, _anything_ from Rey?"

He shook his head, dread settling low in his gut.

"No."

* * *

The world around her is black and silent, a void she does not recognize. The logical part of her brain tells her she should be concerned, this is not normal but she feels strangely nonchalant about the experience. A flash of brown catches her eye and she follows it, relief washing over her when she spies a familiar form staring at the non-existent heavens.

"Finn! "she exclaims and he turns at the sound of her voice.

She runs to him, and throws her arms around his neck as soon as she is close enough. She never expected to see him this soon and part of her feared she never would again.

"Rey… where were you?" he implores, his tone bordering on accusatory.

She pulls back, confused and opens her mouth to ask for clarification when the world lights up around them, red blaster fire striking the ground and she does her best to shield him

"You… you brought them here," he whispers when the blast clears, perceived betrayal clear on his face.

"No, Finn- "she starts to argue but he pushes her away from him and she falls, her bottom striking the ground hard, her body feeling paralyzed by the emotional shock. She has to explain, she must...

She is nearly back on her feet when he is struck in the chest, a smoking hole left clear through to the other side, and his body slams to the ground before she can even scream.

Her hand reaches out to him but he is gone, swallowed back into the void, Rose now in his place crumpled on the floor.

"Why couldn't you stop it, Rey?" asks the engineer through cracked, bleeding lips, her skin soot covered and blistered.

"I… I…" Rey can't find her voice, no matter how much she wishes to.

 **You will give me everything.**

She feels the hissing taunt against the nape of her neck and her saber is in her hands and flaring to life almost without conscious thought. This time, she will be the one to run a saber through Snoke's gut. She spins and thrusts forward-

But it is not Snoke.

Kylo Ren says nothing though her white blade is imbedded to the hilt in his chest, and only reaches up to slide the mask off, the metal clattering to the ground as the black curtain of his hair brushes his cheeks. His expression is sad but accepting, as if he knew it would always come to this.

"No, no, no," she whispers, her saber turning off as it drops from her hands and vanishes. Ben falls to his knees, his upper body collapsing against her. She tries to keep him upright, some part of her thinking that if she can just keep him from hitting the ground she can salvage this.

She glances over his shoulder, looking for someone, anyone to help but all she sees are bodies.

Finn, Rose, Poe, Chewie…

Her fingers twist in Ben's tunic, as he continues to slump forward, his face ghostly pale. Rey buries her face against his now frigid neck.

"I'm so sorry," she mutters over and over. "I failed you all."

She awoke, heart pounding in her chest as she stared in to the black of her room, the images of her dream still burning behind her lids and she automatically reached through their connection, surprised to find him not only awake but waiting.

 ** _The beach._**

She did not ask for clarification, and instead just grabbed her saber and shoes. He was at the water's edge when she found him, the moonlight against his pale skin giving him an almost otherworldly appearance, a guardian on the shore of an ancient temple.

She joined him in his watch, the soft lapping of the water stopping just shy of their feet and she was relieved at the warmth she could feel by just being at his side.

"I don't sleep much," she said quietly by way of greeting.

"Neither do I," he agreed, his features appearing drawn and tired. Clearly, she wasn't the only one whose sleep was disturbed by nightmares this evening.

"Do you wish to talk about it?" he asked.

"Maker, no," she grumbled and glanced up at him from the side of her eye. "You?"

"Definitely not."

The dream images flashed up before her and she scrunched up her eyes, trying to push them awake. A distraction, she needed one to keep her mind from spiraling. On Jakuu she would tinker with her speeder or count the hash-marks on her wall. But here, with him….

He seemed to have the same thought as his hand unclipped his saber and held it out in front of them. He turned to look at her, one brow raised in a silent question.

An amused, slightly relieved smirk was her only answer and they separated, each moving further down the beach in opposite directions.

She breathed in deeply, letting Force surround her, calm her before she turned around, her stance wide as she faced him. He rolled the wrist that held his weapon, his eyes passing over her. A second later, the burning red beam of his saber ignited.

Rey wet her lips and hit her own ignition, the heavy thrum of her blades helping to steady her suddenly racing heart.

Slowly, they circled one another on their thin strip of land, then he swung, a blatant, telegraphed arch with his weapon that she easily deflected. One, twice again, he struck out and she surmised he was testing her, pulling her in to decrease the distance between their positions, and sure enough, his next strikes came as a rapid barrage.

Block, deflect, dodge, spin... she evaded them all and he swung downward, his red beam slamming against the the cold iron between her hands.

It felt so strange... the mental wall she kept perpetually raised against him to shield her thoughts and maintain their privacy had an ever-increasing pressure clawing against it.

 _Is it him?_

She searched his features as he strained against where their weapons connected, and found his brow knitted in similar confusion.

She wasn't sure what compelled her, perhaps some instinct with the Force, but she let him in, and the walls crumbled completely away. His presence in the Force rushed into her, making every cell in her body thrum and her senses heighten. She let her resistance he held against him with her pike drop, and she flowed with the changed momentum, spinning around to his back. Ben turned quickly to find her again, and they each stepped away, weapons dropping and chests heaving as they stared at each other wide eyed.

 _What is this?_

 ** _I... I feel it too._**

His fingers flexed over the hilt of his saber and he charged. Rey's hand snapped out, her Force push slamming into his chest but he planted his stance and leaned forward, his feet skidding backwards though his body remained upright against the blow. The loose pebbles pinged against the trees behind him, and his face lifted with a pleased smirk before he lunged, this time ivory meeting red in a flurry of strikes as they parried and withdrew before reaching for each other again.

Over and over they crashed and parted, the sand kicking up in their wake. So, lost in the adrenaline and the power coursing through her, Rey never noticed the gathering storm clouds and the wind that spun in torrents around them. All that mattered was the hiss of saber against saber and the Force.

They were broken things, their pieces scattered and left among the stars... monster and scavenger, orphan and lost prince, Jedi and Sith... but here, their light and dark together, they felt whole.

She ducked under his swing and he caught her wrist the same time she secured his other, their positioning so much the same as their battle long ago in a snow-covered forest. Rey set her jaw as she struggled against his larger form, this time not having the advantage of his bow caster wound. His grip was just firm enough to restrain and nothing like the bone creaking hold of last time. She looked up to see him staring right at her, his eyes dilated to black despite the bright glow of their beams

This time there was none of his desperation in their intensity, none of his rage... just a burning exhilaration, wild and exultant.

And _Force,_ she felt it too.

Small tendrils of blue lightning started to arc over her shoulders, winding down her arms, drawing his eyes as they remained in their stalemate. His lips parted, his disbelief obvious.

The wind twisted around them, and the lighting rushed down to her hands, forcing him to release her or risk being burned. He pulled away, swinging his saber to keep her from immediately advancing on him.

Rey dodged the swing, making to resume her assault when a loud crack drew her attention, giving her just enough time to dodge the tree thrown at her by Ben. No sooner had she gained her footing when another was hurled towards her, then another, and she barely had a moment to catch her breaths she outmaneuvered the debris, either diving over or sliding underneath as she closed the distance between them.

He had brute strength, but she had dexterity, the dual ends of her weapon making him have to counter twice as often. Recalling how he fought in the throne room, she gave him a solid kick in the shin and then stretched upward, spinning her pike over head to strike. His free hand snapped up, engulfing her wrists to neutralize her weapon.

Her knee automatically raised up to kick out but he yanked her forward, throwing her off balance

The storm calmed as they stared at one another, his eyes burning, and her heart pounding against her ribcage. It wasn't fear she felt this time... no, definitely not fear.

"Enough," he said finally, his voice barely above a rasp and he released her, killing his blade as he stepped away.

The impulse to pull him back to her was near overwhelming, only her lack of idea of what to do once he was near stopping her. He walked toward the grass line and sat, leaning back against the raised earth.

"The lightning," he said through slightly panted breaths, "how do you do it?"

Rey shrugged. "I'm not sure. It seems to be more of a side effect than anything directly under my control. Though it could be? I don't know. Why do you ask?"

His face pinched and the hand attached to the arm that was draped over a knee clenched. "I can't figure it out. It doesn't make any sense."

"What?"

"Only the darkest of Sith masters were able to conjure lightning. But you're not dark and yet, you can."

Rey frowned and joined him on the ground to wrap her arms around her knees.

"Maybe," she said haltingly, "I'm not what everyone thinks I am. Maybe I'm not what _you_ think I am."

He let out a long breath and rested his head against the wall.

"Or _maybe_ what we think we know about the Force is wrong," he whispered.

Rey's eyes snapped to him at his words.

"Rey," he continued, voice still rough, "There are things I need to tell you."


	24. Chapter 24

**_Thank you all for your lovely reviews and patience. I had to put my lab mix dog of ten years to sleep due to cancer and DKA. I knew he was sick and I expected to be sad when it happened but I did not anticipate how devastated I would actually be, how absolutely soul crushing watching it happen would feel. My job puts me around death and grieving a lot and I thought I had become practical about the process and well... I was wrong. His loss has done a number on me and writing emotions of a character separate of myself has been very difficult. So, again, thank you and sorry this was shorter than I intended._**

* * *

He felt her body go slack against him and he turned just in time for her torso to fall across his arm, allowing him to pull her into his lap. Her weight was shifted easily in his arms and he slid off the bench to his knees as his mind fed her moments of his childhood, his time on Yavin 4, and beyond.

Rey's eyes twitched under her lids, lips moving silently, and the faint constellation of freckles on her cheeks barely visible in the grey light of his room. She was here and she was real and solid against him. Her intention had been to comfort him. This despite his cold demeanor, despite everything he had done.

She was a marvel.

And he, an absolute fool.

But at least now he was one that knew what to do, had known it from the moment he felt her enter the room, and solidified when she pressed herself to his back. Strangely, he felt relieved in a way, the conflict that had burned within him settling, if only for a moment.

Rey stirred and he set her on the ground, the hand at her back to moving to cushion her head against the floor. With his fingers twined in her hair, he lamented that he still wore his gloves. He'd gotten to touch her, skin to skin, only twice before, each time branded into his memory though fleeting and small.

"It will get clearer," he said softly as her eyes fluttered open her distress palpable in their connection. "You will feel more like yourself soon, but you will wonder, on occasion, if a thought or a memory came from yourself or me."

"This... this is why you tried to shut me out," she gasped, and her eyes found his. They were liquid and warm, brown with amber flecks. With a lancing pain in his chest, he recalled a moment with his father as they watched his mother give a speech, her face clear on the holoscreen.

 _"No one has eyes like your mother, Ben. Even when she's spitting fire..."_

 _He made a face in response, prompting his father to smirk._

 _"Just you wait. You'll get it, one day."_

"Ben... I didn't want to leave you."

His throat felt tight and constricted as he nodded. He knew. She had tried to wake him, tried to drag him with her, and when she could not, had made sure he'd been armed before she left. His free hand lifted as of its own volition to wipe at the tear that started to roll down her cheek, but he stopped just before he made contact. He had no right.

"You showed me," he rasped out, his hand falling back to his leg. "I know what I have to do, Rey."

Then she was gone, and he was left on his knees, his head drooping to rest on his chest. He felt her pound against the wall he pulled up between them.

Regret lashed at the wound in his soul, threatening to crack him open.

The past cannot be killed.

Leia and Han...

He never expected it to hurt this much to finally allow himself to grieve, to accept his role in both their destruction and his own, but he should have. His feelings had always been bigger than his body, bigger than his soul to pour out into the Force in ways that frightened himself and others.

Everything about him had always been 'too much' in some form or another... Too intense, too clumsy, too large, too unstable, too dark, too light...

He is a Darksider who risked it all to save a Jedi.

He is a murderer who killed his father and broke his mother's heart though he loved them both.

Grandson of Darth Vader. Nephew of Luke Skywalker.

A descendant of slaves and Queens.

Powerful Light. Powerful Dark.

This is who he is.

And he will have to find a new path, one in which all these remain true.

 ** _I'll come back to you. I promise_**. **_But this I must do on my own._**

* * *

He tabled his turmoil to maintain the cool facade he'd perfected in his short time as Supreme Leader, but it was not without challenge.

And Rey... Rey was relentless.

The constant hammering against his conscience required nearly all his concentration to keep their mental connection shut. And even when he was successful, her presence was a pulsating beacon in his head.

"You saw nothing," he intoned, his voice smooth and low as his hand passed over the face masks of the two troopers guarding his ship.

The two grunts' arms went slack, and their weapons drooped as they slowly nodded. He climbed aboard and activated the navigational program, his fingers hesitating as they hovered over the screen in indecision.

He had nothing… no friends, no family, no one, except…

Those eyes swam up before him, a pretty shape in a pretty face and he swallowed thickly, his breath coming in a sharp inhalation. These thoughts, ones that went beyond his admiration for her strength and skill and the similarities between them, were becoming stronger and more pervasive since his mind had been freed.

And his dreams…

Most nights he was tormented by nightmares, the sins of his past revisiting him as if he were seeing them for the first time.

But others... those were the one where he awoke, his heart racing with fleeting remembrances of his fingers tangled in soft brown hair and fevered whispers against freckled skin.

He wondered where she was and how she would react if she ever saw him outside of their bond again.

 ** _With weapon drawn, no doubt_** , he thought but took small comfort in thinking she wouldn't immediately attack.

 ** _Probably._**

His thoughts returned to his task, his lip curling even as he pre-programmed the coordinates and the winding path he would take to get there.

 _"There are places, Ben," said Luke as he levitated one more orb for his apprentice to dodge, "where the Darkside is concentrated. Some tempt, some corrupt, but others, they hold up a mirror and show us the darkest sides of ourselves."_

 _Ben swatted at the hair in his eyes. "You've been to one?" he asked, hating how his voice cracked and warbled. As if he needed an awkward voice to go with his awkward, gangly limbs._

 _Luke nodded sagely. "Yes, on Dagobah, many years ago. It showed me what I would become if I did not keep to the light- "_

 _"No, have you been to the others? The corrupting, tempting ones?"_

 _The steady line of orbs in Ben's direction faltered. "Well, no- "_

 _"Then how do you know for certain that is what they do?"_

Luke's brow had furrowed, his eyes blinking rapidly before he shook his head and redirected the conversation. But Ren remembered.

Dagobah.

* * *

Though he hated Hux, has always hated Hux, the way the General watched him approach, his face a half-snarl, half-smirk made him especially loathsome to Ren at the moment.

One day, _one day,_ he will use the Force to squeeze the life from that sniveling, duplicitous excuse for a man.

"Supreme Leader," interrupted Hux, falling in line with Ren's step. "I seek permission to narrow our search for the Resistance."

"To where?" he replied crisply, intentionally increasing his stride, but Hux is nearly as tall and matched his pace.

"The Mid-Rim. We've picked up transmissions near the Enarc and Duros Runs. They are obviously being bounced around to prevent localization but I'm confident, given the resources, we can burn them out."

Ren's steps slowed as he sensed a hunger in the man an excitement as he anticipated his response.

"The Resistance is no more than a few hundred broken zealots. To continue to focus our resources on them only brings attention to their cause. It is time to move on. "

"As long as General Organa lives, there will always be attention on the Resistance."

His stomach lurched and he struggled not to flinch at his words.

Of course. No one else would know of his mother's death yet.

"The answer is no, General."

He expected the usual bright red hue to overcome Hux's features, hoped for it, even… any excuse to swat the nuisance away, but instead, the smirk returned.

"Of course, Supreme Leader."

Ren hesitated, a sudden shift in the Force getting his attention. Like an approaching siren, the Force tugged on him, louder and louder, more and more persistent as he watched the General give a low, almost mocking bow, and depart.

He continued to his office, stepping over a BB-9E unit that was loitering at his door.

"What do you want?" he muttered over his shoulder and froze. That unit…

He turned, his hand shooting out just as the droid exploded, the Force wrapping around the flames and shrapnel to hold them in a writhing shield. The strength of the blast rattled the walls and blew out the door that had been in the process of closing.

He grit his teeth as he fought to contain it, honing his focus to stop the flames from leaching through. In the bond he could feel Rey brighten, her mind pressing against his with alarm. Within the smoke and flame, he caught his first glimpse of white shiny helmets lining up in a row.

 _Idiots_ , he thought and ignited his saber at his side. Few of the First Order troops had ever seen a competent Force user in his element, and none sto;; alive had faced one in battle.

 _That will not change today._

* * *

Ren stepped over the troopers, wisps of smoke curling up from their mortal wounds. If he moved quickly, he may be able to catch Hux before he escaped and crush the life from him, a parting gift to their contentious history.

He felt activation of opposing kyber crystal before he saw it.

 _Mirathi Chalissm. He was supposed to be Bakura. This coup wasn't just Hux then._

Their sabers crossed and spat angrily, smooth dark crimson against flickering ruby. Ren had never really liked the man, finding him to be a lecher of opportunity. When Snoke had chosen him to lead the knights of Ren, the intense dislike became mutual. It had never been a contest though, Ren's affinity for the Force dwarfing any of the others.

He shoved him away, his balled-up fist shooting out to connect with and crack the visor. With a snarl he lunged forward, intent on running him through when Chalissm pulled off his helmet and Ren paused. The man's face was gaunter that he had remembered, deep purplish bruises under his eyes and pronounced lines angling from his nose to his mouth. And yet, despite his wasted appearance, the man was stronger than Ren had ever seen him, the dark side of the Force oozing from him in an unnatural way.

"What have you done?"

"I found my path, Lord Ren. Or should I call you _Ben Solo?_ " replied the knight as he charged, derision dripping on his last words. Again, and again, their beams crossed until one of Ben deflections missed, allowing his opponent's beam to graze him, slicing his skin at the shin.

Ren lashed out, the Force slamming into Chalissm to propel him down the corridor and Ben stepped forward, his mind swirling with rage. The Dark Side demanded he kill him for his transgression, for having the hubris to turn on his leader. Only the strongest can do so and expect to live.

But then he heard it, a soft whisper and light gleamed through one of the cracks in the wall between himself and Rey.

 _Bring me to him. Please._

The light flooded his mind, reminding him of his new purpose and he took two stuttering steps back before he turned and ran, away from the First Order, away from the meager existence he'd burned out here.

He ran towards the one thing he swore he'd never seek out again.

 _Hope._


	25. Chapter 25

Disgusting wasteland did not even begin to describe where he had found himself.

Filth clung to the hem of his cloak, the splatters stretching up to his knees in the mere seconds since he exited his ship. A suitable LZ had been difficult to find, forcing him to put down in shallow waters and the only space clear enough to manage his ship.

"What am I doing here?" he muttered to himself as he yanked at the cloak on his neck and tossed the material through the still open hatch before doing similarly to his arm guards.

The Force felt murkier here, the light and the dark difficult to distinguish from one another. Ren grunted his displeasure before picking a direction and started off, hoping the cave would call to him as it once did Skywalker.

Though it was day, the canopy blocked most of the light while managing to trap the heat, and a perpetual fog hovered above the water. Gnarled roots of trees tangled up through the muck, forming trunks high enough that he could walk underneath. Amphibian variants scattered at his approach, croaking their indignation as he barreled through their habitat.

He had walked a few hours, intermittently losing the sun's location, until all at once he stopped, realizing he had been walking in a large arc around his landing zone.

"Farking shavit," he growled, launching himself at the nearest tree and hacked several long gashes in it until it fell into the mud, not even having the decency to cause a satisfying crash.

"Skywalkers, exhausting are you."

Ren stiffened. He knew that voice, had heard it in the old holocrons from the Clone Wars and even rolled his eyes at Luke's attempts at impersonation.

For all he had heard of Master Yoda, for all he had read, it was still strange to reconcile the strength and power of the infamous Jedi with the small, old ghost before him.

"I seek the cave," he spoke, keeping his voice toneless and flat while ignoring the creature's previous barb. He did not desire to engage any of Luke's mentors, wanting nothing to do with those that had shaped the man.

Yoda's large ears tilted. "Why?"

"None of your concern."

"Nothing to show you, it has."

Ren's eyes narrowed. "I doubt that."

The Master hobbled towards Ren, annoying the man greatly with the attempt to appear feeble.

"Fell already, you have. Turned to the Dark side, you did."

Slowly, Ren shook his head. "No, not completely," he replied quietly as the ghost studied him.

"Corrupted, your soul-"

" _My soul_ ," interrupted Ren with a snarl, "was never mine to own... until now. I need to know..." His jaw clicked shut and he looked away. He did not owe Yoda an explanation.

"The greatest teacher, failure is," muttered Yoda.

Ren's eyes snapped back to the Force ghost in anticipation.

"So find it yourself, you must."

He started to protest but then Yoda was gone, leaving him ankle deep in muck and his saber held uselessly at his side.

Muttering under his breath, he trudged on until it started to rain, thick drops of fluid, dark with debris from the foliage above.

 _ **Even the rain here is filthy.**_

He needed to find temporary shelter soon, the sunlight rapidly decreasing as it headed toward the horizon, and noticed an earthen den elevated above the water line. Cramming his frame through the opening, he sat, having to hunch his shoulders to keep his head from knocking the roof, and pulled his boots off to pour the liquid from them.

His mouth pursed at the hole in his sock his big toe had pushed through.

"Supreme Leader of the First Order," he muttered to himself and replaced his shoes on his feet. With a shake of his head as he took in his surroundings. It would suffice to protect him enough to allow him to rest.

 _ **Rest**_ , he thought sardonically as he lifted his chin to let the back of his head touch the wall. It was something he had not had much time for in the past few weeks. It had been more difficult than he anticipated to shake those that pursued him, his ship being far too recognizable. He had to ditch it on a backwater and it took several days to procure a suitable replacement and supplies, even with mind tricks and the Force.

He was unsure of how long he had slept when he jerked awake, his body listing to one side, and froze. He could just make out a gentle rasping sound, like two pieces of cloth sliding against one another and he planted his foot against the opposing wall and shoved. The pressure allowed his torso to shift a fraction of an inch, just barely enough to dodge a single white claw that darted through the opening, intending to spear him. He snapped it with the Force, an ungodly screech deafening his ears in response as the leg withdrew.

Ren rushed out in pursuit, his feet sliding in the mud as he looked up at the white plated arachnid towering over him, its other limbs supporting it while the damaged one dangled at the side. Its hunger and rage were palpable in the Force and it trembled before striking out. Ren sidestepped the first, then the second, before he brought his saber up on the next leg that swung down on him, severing the limb. His hand whipped out, lifting its body with the Force to slam it back down into the water.

The monster righted itself with a hiss before it scuttled away into the trees and tore through the brush. He flicked his hair out of his eyes and followed the newly created path deeper into the swamp.

His saber made short work of the vegetation that blocked his way, reminding him greatly of their "educational treks" through the jungles of Yavin 4. Howlers, while a nuisance, were easily detected and dealt with. The crystal snakes had been the worst... translucent, furtive creatures whose venom sent one into a vulnerable coma, they had surprised him one too many times and earned his everlasting disdain.

Not all of his memories from that time were terrible. The library had been a special escape for him as he lost himself in the tales of the Knights from the Old Republic and dreamed one day of having such adventures. It had been in that room Master Soulsar had gifted him the calligraphy set and taught him the basics before he quickly outstripped her ability.

His stomach soured as he thought of the woman and her expression as she presented the wrapped bundle. He had to be misremembering... Had she truly looked at him with such kindness? It was never in the memory before...

He stopped short, his lips parting.

 _ **Snoke. The bastard tainted everything.**_

As if summoned, the Dark Side called to him over the land and he increased his pace, hacking away until he came to a massive tree, twisted black. His shoulders rose and fell as he stared at the darkness of the opening beneath it, trepidation starting to claw up his throat. The only thing keeping him going, the only hope he had left was that there was a part within him still worthy of something more, worthy of an existence not defined by pain. But to do so, he needed to know what darkness within him was truly his.

He crossed the threshold into the dark and it was as if he stepped into the void of space, his feet utterly silent as he moved further inward, drawn to a dusky outline in the distance. As he neared it, the edges became sharper, revealing a figure in a black cloak, the hood pulled up to shroud its features.

Ren's lips thinned and he lit his saber in preparation as the figure started to move.

He expected this, to have to face himself...

But then the figure walked right through him and Ren turned in confusion.

"Execute," a hideous voice whispered in the dark, "order Sixty Six."

The cyan blue of his grandfather's lightsaber burned suddenly, the light illuminating the terrified, confused faces of several children and Ren stumbled back, his mind already piecing together what would come next.

His jaw dropped in horror as Anakin Skywalker cut one after the other down, the man giving little care as to where his killing blows landed against the small bodies until there were none left alive.

Intense heat suddenly flared against Ren's back and he turned, finding himself on a boiling planet, red heated rocks blowing into the air as the ground shook.

He knew this place.

Mustafar.

Two figures battled over the lava flows in the distance, their blue sabers clashing.

"I have failed you, Anakin."

"I should have known the Jedi were going to take over," growled the younger man, as he shoved at where their beams were crossed.

"Anakin! Chancellor Palpatine is evil!"

"It is the Jedi who are evil!"

"You were the chosen one! You were supposed to bring balance to the Force, not leave it in darkness!"

Ren shifted and looked down in surprise at the sound of his boot against metal. When he looked up again, he was in an empire medical bay, a burned figure thrashing and screaming on a gurney as its wrecked limbs were slowly outfitted with metal prosthetics.

The stench of melted flesh was overwhelming, and the Darkness in the room cloying thick as it drew on the life-force of some poor creature elsewhere in the galaxy to keep Anakin Skywalker alive. It seemed to go on forever... the screams, the smell, and the Dark until at last the man quieted and a black mask lowered onto his face.

"Lord Vader," whispered the same voice as before. "Rise."

A deep mechanical breathing filled the room as the light blinked out, plunging him once more into darkness. Ren turned, looking for an escape when he saw a small patch of dim, blue light illuminating the ground.

 _ **Sand?**_

Ren crouched down to look more closely at the granules as they started to shift, a reedy plant pushing upward into the dark. He stretched his fingers out, grazing them across the bud that had formed at the end. It opened at his touch into a delicate, yet boldly colored flower.

 _ **A Nightbloomer?**_

The cave violently expelled him then and Ren fell back through the entrance, his hand grabbing at vines to regain his balance. He sat down and rested his arms on his knees, his head bowed as he breathed in deeply.

What he saw...

"Show you something, it did?"

Ren sighed at the blue gnarled toes now in his line of sight.

"He really did that?" asked Ben through his labored breaths. "He murdered those children?"

"Murdered everyone at Tuanul, you did."

"I was following orders!"

"So was he."

Ren reeled back, a retort ready that never fell from his lips and his eyes dropped again to the ground. He waited for the usual feeling to overcome him, the one that always interrupted his guilt and doubt and filled him with certainty about his past.

But it didn't come, and a wave of nausea passed through him, leaving him instead sickened.

"Tell me," he said finally, "about Order Sixty Six."

* * *

Ren's head drooped and he closed his eyes against all of what he had been told.

"Darth Sidious. Architect of our downfall, he was. Corruptor of Skywalkers, he is." The small Jedi Master's brow creased in sympathy as he looked over Ren. The man's eyes were closed, furrowed in frustrated confusion.

"I was looking for an answer about myself and it only shows me Vader."

"Perhaps not," countered Yoda. "Anger, fear, jealousy... fatal are these, the faults in your family, when manipulated by others."

The Jedi Master struck his staff against the ground, commanding Ren's attention.

"Your mind... your _soul_ , young Solo. Do with them now, you must decide."

Ren grunted a non-committal response as sweat beaded from his forehead to the tip of his nose.

 _ **They are mine now, completely my own for the first time. What indeed?**_

"Ben!"

His head snapped up as he heard Rey's voice and tried to ignore the sudden elation of seeing her after the last few weeks. He knew she was alive and safe, but actually seeing it... He glanced over where Yoda remained, one green brown quirked in Rey's direction before Ren looked back to her, relieved she seemed oblivious to the creature's presence. His eyes narrowed, however, as he took in the shine in her eyes and the red tinge to the tip of her nose. Either she was ill or-

"Why are you crying?"

"Where have you been?" she asked at the same time and he frowned as he scanned her over for injuries. Upon finding none and seeing her face in such a determined set, he relinquished his question to answer hers.

"I left the Order."

Her arms fell to her side, her face going slack with astonishment.

"But... but you didn't go to the Resistance."

He sighed heavily, his head dropping back down. "There's no place for me there," he said, before lifting his head again. "There will never be a place for me there, Rey."

"But, you're-"

He already knew what she would say but cut her off. He needed her to understand this point, even if he wasn't entirely sure why he did.

"I have my unfinished business with the Order but it won't be from the side of the Resistance. Beyond that, I don't have any answers for you." He paused, confusion about himself and his family swirling in his mind. "Not yet, anyway."

"Well... Are you alright?" she asked gesturing to the bruises on his temple and the caked mud on his pants.

He blinked. No one had asked him that in ages and not been only considering how his injury would interfere with their own plans. And so, for the first time in years, he actually considered the question in its true intent. Though confused and lost, the conflict that had threatened to tear him apart was, while not absent, at least subdued.

"I am."

Recalling he was not alone, Ren's eyes darted over to Yoda, who rubbed at the wiry hairs on his chin before he chuckled softly.

And of course, _of course_ , she heard it.

"Is there someone there with you?" she asked and he felt her press against the wall in his mind and it started to bend and crack. It would be so much easier to stop fighting her, to just let her in... but he could not. Snoke had been like an oil slick in his mind, polluting his thoughts with a constant background taint. And now, for the first time ever, it was quiet.

"Rey..." he sighed, rising and stepping in front to command her attention and realized nearly too late that his hands were raised. He had thought to touch her, wanted to, but dropped them back to his sides. "My whole life I've had a voice in my head, whispering to me, pushing me..."

"I saw."

"I thought it was Darth Vader, my Grandfather leading me in his footsteps," he scoffed and shook his head. "But it was Snoke. It was always Snoke." He swallowed and looked at her, hoping she would understand what he was asking, understand he needed to know his thoughts and motivations were his alone. "Its never been only me in here. I need to be alone in my head for a while and keeping you out is exhausting."

She looked at her shoes and he resisted the urge to tip her chin back up to look at him.

"I can do that," she murmured, and mentally he felt her retreat, both relieved and disappointed she did so.

"Thank you."

He turned away from her.

"You will call on me if you want me?"

Surely, he must have misheard her... _If he wanted her?_ The words seemed leaden and tenuous, and brought a great many things to his mind in the split second he processed them before she corrected.

"Need me, I mean."

Would he ask for her help if he needed her? It felt like a commitment of sorts, similar to their last declaration on Ahch-to.

"Will you?" he asked. While he wondered internally just what he would do, how far he would go for her if she needed him.

"Yes," she said, her reply sounding a little breathless to Ren's ears. She disappeared as Yoda started to laugh.

"Are you finished?" snapped Ren who was tempted to draw his blade though he knew the futility of it. Being mocked was a sore spot for him and he was particularly defensive about another witnessing the bond between himself and Rey.

These moments with her, they were not for others.

Yoda's head tilted, his eyes passing over Ren once.

"Not yet," he said before he too disappeared.


	26. Chapter 26

He had always felt comfortable in the vastness of space, had never felt anything except wonder or anticipation when he left the confines of a planet behind. But here, in this well-traversed corridor, it was almost like he couldn't breathe for the trepidation that seized him. The loss of Alderaan was a never healed scar still bleeding out into the Force.

If this was the mark left by the loss of just one planet, he did not think he could stomach returning to the Hosnian system.

And Leia... how confusing it must have been to feel the destruction of Alderaan as it happened, to absorb the horror and fear of billions as they died before she knew how to shield herself.

Some of his memories made more sense now, an underlying layer evident to his adult awareness,

Like when his father would describe how he and Leia met all those years ago. With a cocky grin, he would jovially relay their bickering throughout her rescue and Leia would smile and roll her eyes at the predetermined points. But in between indulging Han, her face would fall as soon as the attention shifted away and she was no longer participating in the recitation of the tale.

Her soul had been marked just as the Force had been. The time she met her husband and brother was also when she had lost everything. Her parents, her friends, her home, her birthright...

 _Everything_ but the Rebellion.

Ren swallowed as he stared out at the billions of stars in his view, feeling as if a long-missing piece to the puzzle that was his mother was slotting into place.

 ** _She was the Resistance and the Resistance was her._**

He remained in his chair for several long minutes before he rose to collapse onto one of the bunks onboard, hoping his string of sleepless nights would finally break. The strain of this place was too much but he felt he must remain, a small bit of penance.

"Are you alright?"

He swallowed, his fists clenching where they rested on his chest and he turned to look at Rey, her profile barely visible in the dim light that seeped under the cabin door. She was so close, their bodies parallel as if she were in the bunk with him, all the while her gaze remained forward and he surmised she was unable to see him. With the opportunity to study her close and unfettered, his gaze traced the sweep of her nose, the curve of her lips, and the arc of her neck. She reminded him, bizarrely, in that moment of the confectionary art he had been enamored with as a child. Except instead of delicate strands of sugar that broke under even the gentlest touch, Rey was as strong and as sharp as songsteel.

"Yes," he replied, realizing much time had passed since her question and the absurd direction his mind had wandered would make him embarrassed to articulate.

"Where are you?" she asked, her voice a little higher than usual to his ears.

He took in a breath and held it in indecision.

"M-10," he said finally. "Coordinates 1942.44 by -89.52."

"What's there?"

"Nothing. Just empty space."

"Oh..."

"Where are you?" he asked in a rush.

"Rori."

He looked at her sharply, surprised that she answered him with minimal hesitation and his hand slipped, brushing against hers. Immediately he pulled back out of her space. This bond and his presence in her life had been forced upon her and he would try his best to minimize his encroachment further.

"Sorry," he muttered, but she immediately faded away, taking the distraction of her company with her. His mind returned to his visions in the cave. The smell and the screams of his grandfather's transformation seared into his senses and he recoiled. What sort of existence had he led afterward? And the life he had before…

The man who had burned on Mustafar and slaughtered children had inspired love at one time. A woman had loved him enough to marry him and bear his children.

 ** _Padme Amidala._**

Ren had never given much thought to the woman, her identity and relation to him only being known the same day Darth Vader was revealed to be his grandfather. A Queen of Naboo, he had seen old holos of her in ornate and elaborate costumes, where she appeared like a frozen porcelain doll, the picture of an eternally wise child-sovereign. There was not much beyond that, the Empire seeming to have taken great effort to erase her existence from record.

But surely _something_ of her remained on Naboo...

He rolled over in the bed, his gaze falling to where Rey had been just moments before and closed his eyes to let sleep take him.

* * *

Naboo was a blue-green and white marble floating before him. It was why he had come and yet his attention kept being pulled to the smaller green ball orbiting it. Rori, moon of Naboo and current sanctuary of the last Jedi.

He had not seen her in person since the throne room, not since the moment she pleaded with him to…

He sighed, one hand coming up to rub his brow. At the time, he thought she was asking him to join the Resistance but when Rey unintentionally flooded him with her memories he had seen the intent behind her words.

 _Stay with me._

He tore his eyes away from Rori and steered his ship down to one of the trading hubs on the far side of the planet and away from the moon, intent on restocking his supplies before he set out for Theed.

The planet's atmosphere was pleasant in this sector, a breeze rolled off the calm ocean.

"What can I help you with?" Asked the station master as he approached the ship.

"Fuel," Ren replied, handing over a credit chit. "And clothes."

He stored away his new clothes, lamenting that he could not find a helmet to cover his distinct features. He supposed the large beige cloak and hood would do the job well enough if he moved about the capital in the evenings and kept to the darker areas. And if that failed, there were always mind tricks.

He made use of the refresher before returning to the cockpit. Night had fallen on the planet and its moon, the outline of which was just barely visible thorough the clouds. Ren dimmed the functions of the ship for the night to preserve his newly purchased fuel then retired to his bunk.

He felt his lip twitch as their connection opened, her warmth already reaching him from where she lay at his side, though his mouth tugged into a frown as her discontent hummed across to him.

"They are frightened of me," she gritted out through her clenched jaw.

His reply was automatic. "They should be."

"I've done nothing but help them."

He shrugged even though he knew she would not see him.

"It does not matter whether or not you've done something to earn their fear. You command the Force and they do not know how to counteract it or if they even can. Regardless of where they are from, they've all heard stories. True, fabricated, embellished, or abridged… it doesn't matter. They've taken those stories and made them into something in their heads of which you are now the walking personification." He took in a breath, his memory of her on Starkiller base looming over him and the awe he felt pushed to the forefront of his mind. "And if they knew how powerful you really were, the idiots would be on their knees."

Her frustrated anger gave way to a gentled confusion.

"I am not that powerful."

He was torn between laughing or snarling and instead settled on a scoff of incredulity. "You fought off my invasion into your mind and were able to read my deepest thoughts without any training. You used a Jedi mind trick to escape right under the noses of the First order, and you bested me in your first ever lightsaber duel."

"This link between us allowed me to do it, allowed me to access some of your abilities. And as far as that night in the forest, you were bleeding out and-"

"Rey," he growled and gripped her wrist to get her attention, "you defeated the First of the Praetorian Guard, escaped the most fortified ship of the First Order, saved the Resistance from annihilation, and invaded the mind of every First Order officer from across the galaxy unintentionally and with minimal training. And you did not learn that last one from me. It is not a skill I possess. I saw your mind. Skywalker was afraid of you and how important you are."

His anger rose with every word and he wished he could reach back in time and run his blade through Plutt, her parents, and every toothless yokel that ever made her feel worthless-

"I thought I was nothing."

The words landed like a blow in his gut and his fierce grip on her slackened.

 ** _You have no place in this story._**

He closed his eyes in self-disgust at his own cruelty. He was no better to her than those he despised.

"I was careless with my words," he said quietly after a long beat of silence. "That's not what I meant. Not even close."

Her wrist shifted under his fingers. "I don't want to rule over people. I only want control over my own life."

He let out a long, low sigh. "I know. I thought that was what I was offering. I see now that was not the case. I should not have asked that of you."

He released her and made to move away, but her hand wrapped around his wrist. Frozen, he waited for her to withdraw, assuming it was a gesture to get his attention, his confusion building when she too seemed uncertain of what she intended. Curious, he let the wall between them thin, his lips parting as he felt the same nervous anticipation radiating from Rey and he lowered his hand to rest between them, his fingers brushing against the fabric of her clothes.

His breathing picked up as she started to move, her fingers moved over the back of his hand and he closed his eyes, his senses focusing on her hesitant exploration.

The muscles of his abdomen flexed involuntarily, his insides feeling molten and yet somehow tense and he fought the instinct to pull away from this new and terrifying feeling.

Some of his anxiety must have slipped through as he felt her fingers slow and hesitate.

 **No, don't-**

He quickly cut off the thought embarrassed at how desperate, how pathetic he must seem to be so undone by something as small as a touch of the hand.

But it was far from something small, all at once too much and not enough.

This was Rey, a girl who had been left alone and starving in an indifferent universe, his enemy who had slashed open his face, and the woman who had every right to still hate him.

His equal who knew him better than any other.

She resumed her touch, this time more assured, and after some time the trepidation left him leaving just an ill-defined need wrapped up in affection.

His mouth ran dry as her fingers spread to trace down his and he wanted to reciprocate in some way, but feared too large a movement would drive her away. And the opportunity presented itself when her little finger slid to the side of his and he reached up, running his thumb over it before shifting his hand.

Their fingers interlaced and he didn't dare move, Rey's side of the bond feeling skittish and wild. If any bit of the reality of what was happening, of what she was actually doing slipped into her awareness, he was certain she would pull away. And for all the times he had tried to step away, had tried to severe the tether between them, he felt he would shatter if she did the same in this moment.

Her much smaller fingers curled over his to touch his palm and he felt the strangest mixture of relief and trepidation swirl in his chest.

And that night, long after she was gone, he slept.

* * *

The teal colored domes of Theed mirrored the water that flowed through the city, the distant rush of water creating a persistent background noise that rumbled through the city.

Ren glanced up at his goal, a glass-domed building and winced into the sunlight shot back into his eyes.

The Temple of Queens.

Pulling his hood further up to better conceal the scarred side of his face, he entered the cavernous hall. An homage to the current Queen of the planet was front and center with long passageways breaking off in opposite directions. Quickly doing the math in his head, he surmised any information about Padme would be to his right with the more recent rulers.

 ** _Each term lasted two standard years…_**

After several rooms, he paused in between the two exhibits, his hope sinking. Had the Empire destroyed her memory in the very capital she called home?

 ** _She should be right here…_**

The sun broke through the clouds illuminating the window behind him and Ren turned, his eyes following the light as it trickled through the stained glass, reds and yellow dancing over the beige of his cloak and he stopped breathing. The work was of a Queen in exquisite detail, her form clad in full ceremonial regalia. She could have been any of the child rulers of this planet but he knew her, an innate instinct allowing blood to recognize blood.

"Ah, yes. Padme Amidala," spoke up one of the attendants who had been roaming prepared to answer visitor's questions. "She was one of our most beloved Queens."

"Do you-" he started to ask and cleared his throat after he finally managed to look away from the artwork, "Are there any exhibits of her?"

The woman smiled softly and inclined her head for him to follow to a more central room, and larger than the rest.

There were several life-sized holos, each depicting the traditional ceremonial garbs of the Queen, her face serene as she stared unblinkingly forward.

She looked so young and yet she still appeared to wear the voluminous wardrobe instead of it wearing her. Ren towered over her figure, despite the raised platforms that created the projections.

 ** _Mom's height makes much more sense now._**

He drew back, his body having a physical reaction to the thought after not referring to his mother as anything else but "Leia" in years.

"Queen Padmé Amidala Naberrie," started the woman, her hands clasped in front of her as she spoke with reverence clear in her voice. "One of only three queens to ever be elected to a second term, she rose from humble beginnings to become one of our youngest rulers once her aptitude for public service and leadership were discovered. During her reign, with the help of the Jedi Order and the Gungan armies, she liberated Naboo from the Trade Federation blockade and was a staunch advocate for democracy and peace in the time that followed."

Ren leaned forward to read her birth year from one placard.

Fourteen years old. What had he been doing with his life at fourteen?

 ** _Glaring at Luke and growing resentful of my parentally enforced exile on Yavin 4._**

As his mind so frequently did these days, he thought of Rey and drew up a clear picture of the woman as she must have been at that age, small and painfully thin, staring up from the shadow of a half-buried star destroyer with nothing but blue sky and orange sand for miles around her.

He frowned and returned his attention back to his host as she continued around the room.

"Upon completion of her final term, she represented our people in the Senate and fought against the Separatist crisis that lead to Clone Wars. After an assassination attempt, our brave Queen was apprehended during a rescue mission and sentenced to die, however, she led a revolt that allowed herself and her companions to escape. She played a pivotal role during the galactic conflict, near the end of which she died during childbirth and her body was interred here at the temple of the Queens. She was only twenty-seven years old, may her soul be carried on the mists."

 ** _Three years younger than I am now_** , he thought, swallowing against an unexpected sadness. As a distraction, he looked over the cases holding some of the more personal items that had been Padme's during her reign and paused when he found a small, pale trinket among the more ornate jewelry.

"What is that?" he asked, jutting his chin in the direction.

"A gift from her husband," replied the woman, her ever-present smile faltering for just a moment.

Ren studied the piece, feeling it vibrate with the Force even through the security field holding it in place.

"Her husband," he asked, "who was he?"

"We do not speak of partners or children here. Our Queens are not defined by their relationship to others but instead by their deeds and accomplishments."

Ren nodded and turned to the woman, raising a hand in her direction.

"You will dismantle the security system to this room and then return to your duties."

Her face went slack, her pupils dilating. "I will dismantle the security system to this room and then return to my duties," she muttered quietly and walked away.

Ren stared at the bone colored bauble until the security field around it fell away and he levitated it into his gloved palm and wrapped its leather strap around his left wrist. His right hand repositioned his hood before it slipped into the folds of his cloak to rest on his saber.

Once free of the Great Hall, he ducked into an alley, mentally mapping out how to get back to his ship. A streak of black caught his eye and he skimmed his finger over the scar of a blaster bolt against a wall, one of the few remnants he had so far seen of the invasion nearly seventy years ago.

He took in a sharp breath when he felt the bond open, and his hand fell to his side to allow the japor ivory wood to press into the palm of his glove, effectively concealing it.

Lowering his hood, he studied his companion. Rey stood rigid, her countenance appearing uneasy or uncertain while her forefinger worried at her thumb.

And there was something about the lighting, the way a tired bulb flickered against her skin…

"Where are you?" he snapped, keeping his voice low to not draw attention from passersby in the street off the alleyway.

Rey's head tilted, her brow drawing together in mildly hurt confusion. "Rori. Same as before."

He shook his head, his impatience flaring. "No. _Where_ are you?"

She shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "The Falcon."

That ship was his childhood, ferrying his family across the stars. That ship was his abandonment, disappearing into the clouds of Yavin 4. That ship brought his father to him, brought him to his death. The Falcon was Han and Leia and Chewy, the embodiment of his weakness. And now the embodiment of his shame.

 ** _Of course Rey would be on that ship._**

"Of course you are."

She had thus far been uncharacteristically non-confrontational about his gruffness and he felt frustrated with his inability to provide anything beyond a prickly response.

"Are you still at Alderaan?"

 ** _She looked up the coordinates,_** he thought as his head snapped up.

"No."

She raised an eyebrow, waiting and his shoulders sagged in resignation.

"What does it matter where I am?"

A part of him truly wanted to know what difference it made. Perhaps the universe would be better off if he just stayed right where he was and settled into a life of obscurity in the lower class of Theed.

 _It matters to me._

Her thought drifted through to him within the bond and his heart clenched, perplexed by the gentleness in her tone and the conflict in her eyes.

"Naboo," he responded without having meant to.

"Why?" she asked, panic clear on her face, and the warmth in his heart was effectively doused.

"I'm not after your precious Resistance," he replied as evenly as he could around the jealousy that settled in his gut but then her face shifted, and he swore he felt disappointment instead of the expected elation or relief.

"I know," she said, dropping her eyes to the floor. "I believe you, I do."

Ren's skin felt hot suddenly, an uncomfortable prickling up his neck and he begged the Force to end this session before he did or said something stupid.

"That heap of junk barely manages to heave itself out of hyperspace and remain intact," he said finally when he could take the silence no longer.

"I'm repairing it."

"Don't waste your time. It's not worth it. It's not worth anything."

"I like fixing broken things," she replied and lifted her chin, the very picture of stubborn defiance as her arms folded over her chest.

Her steadfast inability to see the world as it was irked him greatly and the young face of his dead grandmother flickered in his vision.

Idealists did not last long in this galaxy.

"Some things cannot be fixed," he replied firmly with a pointed look.

"That doesn't make them worthless."

"Kriffing scavenger," he groaned under his breath and fought the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose before his eyes met hers again.

Fine. He would speak plainly then.

"That ship is on the most wanted list of every merc and bounty hunter worth their salt in this galaxy. Unless you want to shoot your way out of every port, I recommend you find a new one," he replied snapping his hood over his head and turned away, feeling both relieved and angry at himself when the connection closed.

That evening he lowered himself to sit on his bunk, his eyes staring at the stolen japor snippet in his palm, the white such a stark contrast to the black of his glove.

His grandfather had obviously made it, a token of his affection for his wife and she, in turn, had kept it close, a reminder of his love. Ren tried to imagine Vader as he knew him carving the delicate piece and frowned when he could not. Had her death lead him down his dark path? It would not be the first time loss had broken the will of a Jedi.

He thought of Rey falling through the ice on Ilum and the sickening fear that had rocketed through him unlike anything he'd ever felt before.

Acutely aware he was comparing his attachment to Rey to that of a husband for his wife, Ren rubbed at his temple to stave off his building headache. With a sigh, he lifted his other hand and using his teeth, pulled off the glove to allow his fingers to trace over the carvings.

An unnatural chill shot up his arm at the contact and he jerked his hand back, scowling.

"Perhaps you shouldn't steal things that are not yours."

Ren's head snapped up and he froze, his lips parting in shock.

 _"Grandfather."_


	27. Chapter 27

The japor snippet slipped from his grasp and Ren automatically tightened his fist around the strap as he stared at the figure sitting across the room from him.

Anakin Skywalker. The Chosen One. Darth Vader.

 _"Grandfather."_

He was young and yet looked haggard with hollowed, tired eyes. A scar bisected the eye on the right, Ren noted, though it was neither as pronounced nor as extensive as his own.

"I gave that to her when we were children," said the ghost as his eyes drifted up from where they rested on the dangling necklace. "I was just a boy and a slave, but she was a Queen and the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on." He smiled sadly. "I thought she was an angel from Iego."

"And was it her? Did she cause you to fall?"

Anakin's jaw clenched, the movement eerily reminiscent to Ren, and he shook his head in response. "I had premonitions of Padme's death. My dreams had come true before and I was certain that she would die if I did not do something to try to stop it. In exchange for a promise to save my wife, I gave my loyalty to a monster. "

"Palpatine… He was Darth Sidious, correct?"

Anakin nodded before he continued.

"I killed Jedi and younglings to appease my master so he would keep his promise and save her life. And yet, when my power and authority were questioned, I wrapped the Force around the neck of my pregnant wife and _squeezed_."

Disgust churned in Ren's gut and he stood up, his head nearly striking the sloped ceiling of the ship.

"I esteemed her wisdom but not as much as I did my own. I valued her life, but not as much as mine. I loved her, I did, but not nearly as much as I loved myself." The ghost swallowed, his gaze falling to his hands as if not believing the horror they had caused. "She was not my ruin. I was hers."

Ren shook his head, his thoughts whirling as he imagined the young, small woman he had seen in the holos on Naboo being so violently assaulted.

"How could you do something so... I..." he sputtered.

"You wouldn't?" asked Anakin, one brow raised.

In his mind, Ren saw himself cutting down Lor San Tekka. He saw himself trapping Rey with the Force, his saber hissing in her ear, and when he towered over her in the interrogation room before he tore open her mind.

He saw his blade slicing through his father's chest in a vain attempt to counter Snoke's accusations of weakness while Han pleaded with him to come home.

He saw Rey's body slamming into a tree and falling limp to the ground. He saw their chase in the woods, her movements that of a terrified animal, and him in pursuit only a breath behind.

He felt the hurt that had consumed him when he woke on the floor of the throne room, the rage that demanded violence and heard his own voice as he stared down his uncle over a salt plain.

 ** _"I'll destroy her, and you, and all of it."_**

Ren's jaw trembled, his breaths coming in shallow pants, as he met his grandfather's eyes.

"You wanted to be me…" said the ghost as he stood, his Jedi robes darkening, the soft browns turning black and Ren could see the power behind the man, a glimpse at the legendary Darth Vader he had been. "Be better."

He was not sure how long he remained there, staring at the space his grandfather left before he leaned over, his frame stiff as he reached for the console.

With shaking hands, he programmed his next destination.

* * *

The world around him is cold and silent. Over and over again, he watches Han fall, his father's face a blank, resigned mask as he is swallowed by the red mists beneath the catwalk.

And all he can do is scream, the Force not heeding his command to pull his father back to him.

 ** _"Come back!"_**

He is a child all over again, watching them fly away on Yavin 4.

Powerless and alone. Unwanted and unworthy.

The sharpness of his surroundings dimmed, panic clenching around his heart. Hovering above him was the Force, powerful and tense, blocking out and pulling him from the dream. This had happened before.

 **Luke.**

Like the crack of a whip, he sat up, his grip tightening on the saber already in his palm and it hissed to life. His lips curled into a snarl. He would not wait for his uncle to strike first. This time he would not hesitate.

The black figure before him slowly took shape, its features now discernable despite the red haze and shadows.

 ** _Rey?_**

He blinked and she came into focus, her eyes wide and lips parted with shock, one hand frozen out to the side as if she had been reaching for him. And embedded in her abdomen, nearly to the hilt was his blade.

 ** _No, no… what have I done… no, please… I have to..._**

Hands shaking, his thumb slipped off the emitter switch twice before he made contact, and the beam retreated back into the hilt. He pressed his palm to the wound and tried to will the Force into knitting flesh and blood together. Tears stung at the corners of his eyes and he ground his teeth in frustration when he felt nothing. After a second, her fingers wrapped around his and tugged them away without resistance.

 ** _Impossible…_**

The shaking that had been limited to his fingers traveled up into his body and he jerked away from her.

 ** _You destroy everything you touch. You could have killed her. You only ever ruin-_**

"I'm... I'm alright, Ben. I promise." Her voice was breathless and whisper soft, yet jarring in the quiet of the room.

He felt himself nod but was unable to look at her, shame threatening to suffocate him. All he could see were visions of his grandfather choking the life out of his wife.

"I sleep with it, my lightsaber..." he started to explain but trailed off, his voice breaking and he stood from the bed, stalking away to put some distance between them.

 ** _Ever since Luke._**

His hands fisted at his sides as he cursed his uncle once again. Would that man's betrayal never cease to haunt him?

"I destroyed the last one."

His downcast gaze lifted to her face in confusion before alighting on the bundle in her hand and he stepped closer as she unwrapped the items.

 ** _A saber construct._**

He watched her excitedly describe her weapon, a little bewildered by how open and animated she appeared, like a shield she kept around herself had fallen away. That she could be this comfortable around him after what had just occurred greatly perplexed him. And when she smiled, a full elated one that revealed her dimples and lit up her face, he couldn't help but return it. Their conversation continued amicably until she vanished, the Force having apparently grown tired of their interaction.

Her smiling face floated up again in his mind's eye, causing his chest to ache and breath to stilt in his chest. He hated the vulnerability that assailed him, and worried at the concern that grew stronger for her with every interaction. Why? Was that also the Force's doing? What purpose did any of this serve?

He had loved his uncle and been rewarded with an attempt on his life. He loved his mother and broke her heart every day. He loved his father and after murdering him, let his body fall like rubbish into nothing. Anakin had loved Padme and still harmed her grievously, selfishly.

Love had whittled the Skywalker legacy down to a broken man sitting in a bunk on a second-hand ship.

And above all, above his fear of his own destruction, was the sickening dread he would be the cause of Rey's.

"I can't," he muttered to himself, his arms shaking where they braced against the railing of his bed. "I won't."

"I understand now," he spoke, pulling the japor snippet from where it rested in his cloak.

"Do you?"

"Love broke you," said Ren, voice clear and firm as he looked up at the ghost of Anakin, turning the wood in his fingers like a worry stone.

"No," his grandfather replied with a scoff, his head shaking and face incredulous. "Love saved me. Luke brought me back."

Ren turned sharply away from his grandfather, cursing under his breath at how much hearing it hurt. His uncle had loved his father enough to risk everything to return him to the light. How little he must have cared for Ben to murder him for the mere chance darkness would take him.

And hadn't he been right? The universe would have been better if Luke had not hesitated.

"I did not trust my wife. I didn't listen to my friend. I put myself, the mighty 'Chosen One', first." Anakin leaned forward, his voice becoming more insistent. " _I_ broke _myself_ with insecurity and fear. I put my faith in a vile creature who betrayed me, using my wife's very essence to keep me alive and turn me into an agent of his will."

"That's why she died? That's why she couldn't recover from childbirth?"

Anakin nodded, his shoulders rising and falling. "While Palpatine knew how to prolong life indefinitely, he never intended to use it to protect Padme for me. And if I knew what it really entailed, I would have never agreed even if he had been willing. Palpatine planned to use my corporeal form for his own, to transfer his consciousness into me. For years, he had been grooming me as such but after my injuries on Mustafar, he no longer considered me suitable. I was still valuable enough to keep alive as a tool though."

"But he is dead."

Luke had told him, reluctantly, in the jungle of Yavin 4 the story of his family.

Anakin shrugged. "I threw him over a railing. I never saw him die. I never saw his soul leave his body." He sighed, as if reluctant to continue. "He had a research facility, dedicated to studying and harnessing the Dark side of the Force to aid in his possession of another's body. He was only waiting for a powerful enough Force user to meet his needs. That is what he intended for Luke."

Ren thought of Mirathi Challism and the unnatural darkness that had permeated the force user.

"Where was this facility?"

"I am not sure. Palpatine kept it from me."

"Where could he have been this whole time and how?"

"I don't know. If he managed to preserve his life, his journey would have started on the wreck of the Death Star."

"And you think he would seek out a new host?"

"Undoubtedly."

Ren nodded. "I'll need to find that facility then." He rose and turned to leave.

"Ben, you are not alone."

Ren stiffened and his steps faltered.

"If Palpatine's looking for a powerful Force user to possess, I don't want her anywhere near him."

"I'm not talking about Rey."

He jolted, the strangeness of hearing his grandfather mention the Jedi's name taking him so by surprise he nearly missed the actual meaning behind the words. He frowned, his brow creasing.

"What-" he started to ask but was met with an empty room.

"Of course," he grumbled.

* * *

Ren pulled the scarf more tightly about his face, wishing the porous material would better keep out the soot that hovered in the air. A stumbling man jarred his shoulder as the crowd pushed by him, the stench of cheap whiskey evident even amongst the other city smells.

 ** _Coronet, the Jewel of Corellia._**

A creature of solitude, he hated crowds. The press of bodies, the incessant noise, and the constant interactions forced by the necessity of life in a place like this all irritated him. As soon as he was able, he broke away from the surge of people, heading towards a sector few dared to go. Section Two Fifty Six was among the poorest in the city, made even more lawless after the collapse of the White Worms syndicate. His own father had burned the Worms' crime lord's face after years of working as her scrum rat just to survive, but the Grindalid had only actually died in the past year.

A few locals eyed him as he passed, sizing up a possible mark, and after deeming him too high of a risk, returned to minding their own business.

It did not take him long to find it, the dilapidated city hovel Han had grown up in until his abandonment had driven him to work for the worms. A half-burned out apartment complex with broken windows and a barrier marking it as condemned, it was as far from the gilded halls in Naboo as anything could be.

He stared at the building that housed his father's miserable childhood and felt nothing. He moved closer, pushing through a hole in the wall, and going room to room, as if searching for a piece of his father that still remained.

But it looked like every other forgotten building he'd ever seen in a place long invisible to the government.

His head hung as he berated himself and left the sector. What could he have hoped to find here that could atone for what he did to Han?

Mindlessly wandering, he found himself in the local market and ignored the merchant's calls from their booths, frightening the more aggressive ones with a withering glare. He had just resolved to escape and return to his ship when one item caught his attention. A miniaturized night-blossom preserved in a clear resin and rimmed in a thin layer of bronze, the black and violet petals were as beautiful as they were intricate. It was no great treasure and several other variations of the necklace dangled around it, each with a different bit of vegetation at the center. But night-blossoms were native to Jakuu and Ren leaned closer to it, thinking of Rey and the vision he had in the cave.

Without giving it further thought, he waved over the stall owner and lifted the piece up before passing him some credits.

He dropped it into his pocket as he felt eyes on his back and he turned away from the booth, making his way further into the bazaar. Through the Force, he narrowed his senses in on his pursuer, confirming his suspicion he was being followed.

Ren ducked into the alley and waited, hand at his side. He would not need his saber for this. The man trailing him was not Force sensitive.

 ** _Or well trained_** , thought Ren as the subject of his focus stumbled into his lines of sight.

Before he could speak, Ren bound his body with the Force and entered his mind.

Just a merc... hired to deliver a message... A request for a meeting.

Ren frowned, shoving deeper into the man's mind but found nothing else of consequence.

 _"Just tell him this: Sector 46, 3525 Lureline at 1800 standard tomorrow."_

Ren removed himself from the man's consciousness, letting him fall to the ground and stared at the collapsed form in indecision.

Was it a trap from the First Order? The Resistance? Or something else entirely?

His fingers curled into a fist at his side as he made his way back to his ship, a sense of dread washing over him.

* * *

He shoved his way off the public transport and snarled at one alien who stepped on his toes. His nerves were on edge, and his feelings in turmoil over Rey's vision last evening of the destruction of the Nima Outpost. The Knights had finally focused their attention on her and he felt a restlessness in his bones that whispered he needed to find her. She was untrained, without a functional saber, and alone. As capable as she was, she would need help.

If she would only accept it.

But first, he needed to investigate this new contact.

He pushed through the door into the musty cantina that occupied Lurline at 3525 and slid into a back booth, his eyes clocking the entrances and exits. Waving off the waitress, he pressed his back further into the seat, one palm resting over his saber and the other on the top of the table. There was something in the Force here, a steady signal radiating out from deeper into the complex. The clientele appeared of the rougher sort and he was mildly relieved he would not lament the casualties if it came to violence.

He spotted a young man at the bar who made a show of tossing back his drink before indicating with a sharp jerk of his head that Ren was to follow him. He drummed his finger against the top grimy surface once before he stood, lips thinning in a grim line before deciding to follow. This had better be worth his time.

His curiosity increased along with the intensity of the signal in the Force as they moved through the cantina into a hall behind a concealed door. The young man turned as a final, heavily fortified entrance slid open.

"Leave your weapon," he said with a nod to Ren's hip.

"No."

"Then you don't go any further."

"Just let him through, Mikal," came a woman's exasperated voice.

Face pinching in distaste, the man walked in and allowed Ren to file through behind.

Ren's eyes flicked over the hidden foyer, landing on the new arrival at the top of a staircase. She was average height with light brown hair reaching past her shoulders and fine lines around her eyes and mouth. Her clothes were utilitarian but expensive, made from high-quality textiles Ren had seen among the elites of Canto Bight.

"But-" started Mikal, obviously ready to argue.

The woman rolled her eyes as she rested her hands on the banister.

"He's a Force user. He could convince us all to run right into his saber blade if he wanted to. Kriffin' hells, Mikal, that terrible street magician fooled you last week. I doubt he'd find you much of a challenge."

"Apologies. My people have been looking for you. Imagine my surprise when you show up in my city. My name is Hannah," she said, directing her speech at him as she casually made her way down the stairs. "So, tell me, did you really kill our father? Or was that just First Order propaganda?"

She smirked, and Ren felt like he'd taken a blow to the stomach, his lungs seizing up in his chest as he tried to keep his face a calm, blank mask. Though he felt nothing of the Force from her, as her smirk grew into a knowing smile, he wondered if the woman could read minds. Quickly doing the math in his head, he surmised she was at least ten years older than himself.

 ** _Before he met my mother then._**

Ren's spine stiffened, eyes warily following her as she approached. The woman slowed, her head nodding slowly. "So, a that's a yes then," she muttered quietly, taking in his frozen form. She sighed, her arms folding over her chest.

"My mother was a woman named Qi'ra. She and Han grew up here on Corellia together and worked for Lady Proxima. Afterward, they were separated for a time but, during one last job together…" she shrugged and grimaced with a meaningful look at Ren. "Nine months later, I came along. She considered finding and telling him but by the time she could, he had moved to the very top of the galactic most wanted list. At that point, she figured it would be more dangerous for me if the Empire or the Crimson Dawn learned Han was my father. No one bothered to look otherwise." She smirked and raised her brow, the faint scar on her chin shifting. "With Skywalkers around, who would notice a Solo?"

Hannah stepped away from him, motioning with her head for him to follow.

"Telling them I was Draden Vos's child, my mother was allowed to keep me as long as she trained me to work for the Dawn. She told me who my father was when I reached adolescence but that it was important to be kept secret. Information, my mother knew, was power."

The source of the Force grew nearer as he followed her down the hall and his palm rested on the hilt of his blade, preparing for an attack.

"When she was finally able to break free of the Crimson Dawn, knowledge became her currency and she became an information broker, stealing and sharing secrets. She taught me everything she knew and when she died, I took over."

"Why seek me out now if you've known this whole time?"

"I have a vested interest in your continued survival and success."

His eyes narrowed. "Why?"

"Familial affection," she replied with a sigh as they reached the door and lifted her palm to the print reader.

Whatever was concealed in the room was causing the disturbance in the Force. He scowled and surreptitiously unclipped his saber.

And then nearly dropped it to the floor, as the door slid open.

"This," said Hannah, "is my daughter, Liarah."

His eyes followed the sandy-haired little girl as she played with a doll on the floor of the playroom, her Force signature light and airy, but strong.

"Seven months ago she started exhibiting abilities."

 ** _Seven months… the Awakening._**

"She's not the only one. My contacts throughout the galaxy are reporting newly Force-sensitive children." Her voice lowered and she stepped further into his view, pulling his attention back to her. "And someone is collecting them."

"Who?"

"I don't know. I have all my people working on it out but no one else has even seemed to notice. The First Order is preoccupied with the Resistance. The Resistance is preoccupied with the First Order. Every planet is too preoccupied with their own self-interests to care about a handful of children disappearing. The black-market bounties for them are massive."

Hannah's gaze drifted to her daughter playing serenely at the other end of the room.

"I won't let someone like Snoke get their hands on her."

 _"I_ was Snoke's apprentice," he snapped at her.

Her brow raised.

"I know. But _she_ wasn't."

"I don't know who you are talking about," he bluffed.

"No?" Hannah lifted her wrist to tap her comm, a hologram video flickering as she held it out to him and the footage of him and Rey from the elevator on the Supremacy played silently in the air between them.

"Incidentally, the First Order needs to up their security. My splicer had this a day after it happened."

 ** _Hux saw this,_** he thought as he watched Rey step closer to him, her shackled wrist resting in front of her as he stared intently back. The scene was startlingly intimate for an officer transporting a captive. Had she really moved that close to him? Had he leaned that far into her space, his body practically curling over her form? He frowned and looked away, embarrassed that his compulsion towards the scavenger had been that glaringly obvious.

"I have stayed out of the conflict thus far but now the outside world is knocking at my door. I choose your Jedi, and by extension, the Resistance."

"And why would I help? What about this arrangement benefits me?"

"The Resistance, while not difficult for me to find, won't meet with me. They have no reason to trust me and I can't tell them my motivation without risking Liarah. I have resources and the best spies and researchers in the galaxy. If Rey can get them to accept my help and I have your word she will train Liarah and protect her once this conflict is over, it is all at your disposal. Also," she said, her head tilting in contemplation. "Most of us in the underground, we don't have family. Orphans and unwanted bastards, we long for them, the automatic allies who trust, care for, and understand us. I had that in my mother. But Liarah is something different, something that I don't and can't understand no matter how much I wish to." She turned to Ben, her face softening. "You are her Uncle. Make of that what you will."

He frowned, his fist curling at his side as he looked back at the girl who had stopped playing and was watching them across the room with Han Solo's eyes.

His niece.

"Lando Calrissian," he grumbled, feeling suddenly tired and trapped. "The Resistance knows that they can trust him." He looked over to her. "Rey is on a mission and not currently in contact with them. Calrissian is a more reliable in and they have a desperate need for experienced leaders. Just tell him who you are. He'll want to verify it but he's sentimental."

He pulled his cloak around him and turned to leave.

"Ben… I would like to know you as well."

He stiffened and paused in the doorway.

"No, you don't," he replied flatly over his shoulder and left the way he came.


	28. Chapter 28

He chewed the inside of his cheek, staring unseeingly through the visor of his ship, ignoring the people milling about in the distance of the port.

"Fuck!" he growled into the silence, slamming his fist against the armrest of the chair.

A sister and a niece. Newly force-sensitive children disappearing.

Rey. She was the source of the awakening, he just knew it. Perhaps she was the key to all of this.

He reached for his comm, his hand hesitating for a second before he entered the encrypted channel Hannah's footmen had given him at his departure. He hid his surprise as the woman's face appeared promptly, the angle indicating she was speaking through the comm on her wrist.

"Come to a decision already then?"

He gave one sharp nod. "I'll tell her about your daughter."

Hannah's face softened. "Thank you."

Ren looked away and cleared his throat. "I need everything you can find about Jakku."

"Anything specific I'm looking for?" she asked, one eyebrow raised

"Anything about the Force, Empire activity, or the Jedi and the Sith."

"Time frame? How far back am I looking?"

"Could be anytime, but focus on the past seventy years. "

"Consider it done."

He was reaching for the controls when she spoke again. "I took the liberty of planting some fake sightings of you to keep the Order off your trail."

Ren froze and nodded once in acknowledgment before killing the feed, feeling his unease dissipate as her face blinked out of view. Family had never come easily to him; he could sort out what to do about his new relations, if anything, later.

He pulled up on the controls, lifting his ship into the air with the lights of Coronet growing smaller and smaller beneath him. The autopilot activated, he pulled off his gloves and headed or the refresher wanting to get the smog off his skin, lamenting he couldn't will it out of his lungs.

His fingers pulled off his gloves and made quick work of his tunic, the stiff skin along his scar resisting his motions. He felt it constantly, it's positioning across his face, neck, and chest making it impossible to do little more than move his eyes without a reminder. On a superficial level, he'd never considered himself ever having any looks worthy enough to be called ruined by such a thing. He knew he was vain, but his vanity was in the pride of his power, his strength, and his fortitude; the scar, if anything, just made him nearly as fearsome as his mask had and served the same function as hiding some of his more boyish features.

Most knew it had been earned in a vicious battle between himself and a Jedi, with only Snoke and Hux sneering that it had been delivered by a slip of a woman just past girlhood; who else, they figured, could have wielded a light saber against Kylo Ren and won?

But that was not why he had not had it optimally healed to reduce the jagged edges to a faint line. Anytime he considered it, it felt wrong in a way he found difficult to articulate. He supposed, on his more introspectively honest days, that if he managed to ruin the tenuous connection between them for good, at least he would still have her mark to carry with him.

Warriors were supposed to take tokens of favor from significant others into battle; Ren took scars.

He'd just divested himself of his tunic when he felt Rey through their connection, her side of the bond flickering like static and he only caught snippets of her, though her panic and fear rang clear. It would not be until hours later he learned of Rey's vision in detail.

He rubbed at his face, relieved she had taken his advice and gone to Nam Chorios. An inhospitable, barren land, there were other planets with Force Nexi that the Knights would check first, if they had even figured she would retreat to one. And now, he waited.

* * *

"Hmm," he hummed quietly to himself as he took in the sprawled figure on the floor, stepping around to her head. She was breathing heavily, her chest rising and falling sharply and a thin sheen of sweat covered her forehead and cheek down to where her skin dipped beneath her clothing. He recognized the aftermath of the trial of skill as he himself had slammed his back into the grass of Yavin 4 repeatedly when learning.

"This is not a Force technique I am familiar with," he deadpanned, surprised at himself for the joke.

Rey's eyes snapped open, her brows narrowing.

"I was..." she said, starting to get up but then her features softened and she rolled her eyes. "You know what I was doing."

He smirked but it quickly disappeared from his face. They needed to get started. He had no idea how long they had. "Where is your construct?"

He watched as she sat, separating out the equipment before her as he instructed. Her fingers twitched where they lay upturned upon her knees and he knew she was fighting the instinct to reach out with her hands.

"This is no different. This is still you and your senses," he murmured and she peered at him briefly through her lids before relaxing once more.

 **Can you feel them? The components?**

 _Yes._

 **Push. You have to feel the individual particles.**

He waited at the edge of her consciousness until he felt her reach out on the molecular level, her grip slipping over the atoms. He should have asked permission or warned her but he feared her rejection and Force, he wanted to help her; and so he just pressed his own effort over hers, tightening her hold. In the next second, he could no longer tell what pull on the Force was himself or her, their mental connection moving in sync until finally, the inert energy of her crystal hummed in harmony with its connections.

"Rey, open your eyes," he said roughly, reluctantly pulling the Force back to himself.

"Is it done?" she asked and he nodded.

She stood slowly and after a breath, his vision flooded with brilliant ivory light. One end of her pike hummed smoothly, the other crackling and spitting.

He swallowed. He'd never seen a blade that color, only heard about it in stories of those that had found a path separate from the Jedi and the Sith, being neither and yet both. Like the dual ends of the blade, both chaos and order, both violence and peace...

And like Rey herself.

 **It is you.** **It's always been you.**

 **Not Anakin. Not Luke. Not myself.**

 **You are the One.**

* * *

"Find anything?"

One of Hannah's brows quirked upward, her mild exasperation evident even in hologram form. "Well, hello to you too."

They eyed each other through the link, Ren impatiently drumming his fingers on the armrest of his chair until Hannah started to tap away at her comm. "On the surface, just the usual: a barren planet that hosted the battle that marked the end of the Empire. But when we started looking into why the battle happened there in the first place, things got interesting. Supposedly, Gallius Rax, under the guise of uniting the factions of the Empire for a last stand, actually lured them there to destroy it."

Ren's jaw twitched in irritation, his temper short after his recent argument with Rey. "He was a fanatic that bought into the Emperor's line that if they were too weak to protect their leader, they deserved to be destroyed. I already know this."

"It wasn't to destroy the Empire, Ben. It was to destroy Jakku."

Text after text flew up onto his screen, flashes of words in different languages and code catching his eye.

"Or, more accurately," Hannah continued, "to destroy what he had there."

"The Jakku Observatory..." he read quietly, his eyes roaming over the information flying at him.

"A lab dedicated to the study, identification, and harnessing of the Dark Side of the Force," she confirmed, "all with the goal of resurrecting an individual known as the Consecrated Eremite."

Ren looked up sharply, his face pinched in confusion. "I've never heard of them."

"Palpatine hoarded any information and then scrubbed it from public knowledge when and where he could. But from what we can find, the Eremite was a Force user on Jakku back when it was verdant. Something happened to either the user or the planet, leaving it as we know it now with the promise that the Eremite would one day return."

Ren leaned back, his knuckles pressing against his lips as he thought.

"You know something?"

His eyes flicked up to Hannah, debating the wisdom of letting her into his musings before he relented.

"Palpatine had found a way to transfer his consciousness into another's body but his power would not have transferred with it. He needed to possess a Force user-"

"Or the power of one and transfer them both into a waiting vessel," she completed, her mind following his train of thought.

Ren nodded. "I think he found the power of the Emerite but planned to destroy or hide it in the case of his demise to prevent others from finding and using it. But Rax didn't succeed."

"And it was left there, all that power, waiting for a vessel..."

Their eyes widened at the same moment, neither having to speak to know what the other was thinking.

 _ **Rey.**_

* * *

Ren doubled checked the coordinates Hannah had supplied him a week ago after their realization and touched down on the plateau that rose out of the rolling dunes of sand. He reached out with the Force but only felt the dull thrum of something that had once been there and now just left a cavity in its wake. Further examination found a long-ago breached entrance nearby, now obscured by sand and he blasted it away to march into the blackened facility.

The first few rooms contained the expected security and surveillance equipment and derelict droids, though any pieces of value had long since been stripped. The metallic walls around him gave way to rock as he moved further into the depths, the space having apparently been carved down into the landscape of the planet. His footsteps echoed against the rock and he passed under several pieces of mining equipment before finding an offshoot, his feet coming to a halt.

The heavily fortified door lay ajar and partially crushed, the residual dark energy of what it once contained still apparent to his senses. He pulled off his glove and pressed his fingers to the metal, bowing his head.

"Show me."

The Force burned with the intensity of a flash grenade behind his lids and obeyed.

* * *

The door is behind him, solid and whole and straight.

"Perfect," crooned a sickly voice emanating from underneath a robe as a figure gently lay something down on a pedestal in the center of the chamber. A gnarled finger, pale as milk glass, stroked along the black object, caressing the dragon's head at one end with special care. "The Soulsaber will house and corrupt the power of the Eremite, ensuring it will be dark and bend completely to my will when the time for transfer comes." The figured turned. "You have done well, Commander Rax."

"Thank you, your excellency. "

Ren turned to see a man on his knee, neck bent in submission and the Emperor continued, his eyes returning to the Dark Artifact like he could not look away. "Now all we need is an appropriate subject, with enough Force Sensitivity to accept the transfer. "

"Of course, your excellency."

"Lord Vader's son is a worthy candidate and I believe he can be turned. Have everything primed and ready. We will not wait an instant when the time comes."

The crisp, sterile air around Ren faded along with the figures, now replaced with dust curling like smoke around his nose.

"I said, _get in there_! You're still smaller than I am. They wouldn't put up a door like that unless they were guarding something valuable."

The door is once again bent and broken, and Ren's eyes widen as he watches a woman scramble through the opening, rocks and dirt she dislodges pinging across the floor. She lands on her feet and straightens to flick on her light. Her clothes are threadbare and ill-fitting, barely able to cover the small but firm swell of her abdomen.

The woman scrubs a hand through her dark hair to dislodge the dust and dirt but accomplishes little. In the light, he can see her face is far too thin and the eyes shrewd with a harsh edge and yet familiar.

Rey's mother.

"What's in there?"

"Give me a minute!" she snaps back at the door. Muttering under her breath, she fans her light about before it finally alights on the single pedestal in the middle. With a frown she steps forward, examining it from several angles. "There's just a black stick..."

She reaches out, lifting it into her hand. Her fingers curl over it unnaturally fast as a powerful current passes through her, seeking, searching until it slams into her abdomen, the strength of it driving her to her knees. And just as quickly as it started, it is over, leaving her gasping and confused.

"Kriff," she moans and rests her forehead against the stone."

"Oi, you taking a nap? Grab it and let's go!"

The woman gingerly gets to her feet, her hand passing over her stomach and the child within.

"No more of that now, you," she grumbles and pockets the piece.

* * *

Ren stared into the visor of the scratched and battered X-wing helmet, his gaze briefly settling onto the name on the side.

He'd bypassed Nima Outpost, the Knights would not have left anything but a ruin in their wake.

Instead, some strange sentiment, or perhaps it was curiosity, propelled him to find Rey's hovel.

It hadn't taken long to locate the AT-AT husk.

 _ **What a shithole.**_

He'd nearly struck his head several times as he moved about the structure, his chest giving the strangest twinge when he had seen the entire wall of scratches that marked her time alone here.

If he'd hoped for further insight into her character, he found nothing he did not already know. Everything around him spoke of her tenacity, her will to live and once again belong to a family.

Sadness and anger swirled within him. Though his childhood had been fraught with feeling misunderstood and pushed off on others to "fix", his six-year-old self had never had to contend with the everyday specter of death in the form of violence, malnutrition, and true isolation. He wished he could raze it to the ground, bury it and what it represented miles beneath the sand. But it wasn't his decision to make, not his dragon to slay and he returned to his ship, leaving it undisturbed.


	29. Chapter 29

The metal of the sink beneath his grip was just dull enough to obscure his reflection. It made little difference, as he had not been able to stay out of his head for hours now, his argument with Rey setting him on this path.

Mostly it was small changes...

 _...looks that had been filled with concern instead of disgust from Leia, memories of Han sneaking him out for flying lessons that he didn't seem to remember until now, Uncle Lando coming to Yavin 4 under the pretense of making a supply drop but really coming to check on the 'Starfighter'..._

But a few large...

 _Luke standing over him, his green saber alight and his face all horrified contrition, instead of contorted rage. Master Solusar's tears as she raised her weapon against him and never once tried for a killing blow, though she was a skilled duelist._

Ren snatched up a glass and flung it against the wall, shattering it, the clear drips of the liquid that had been inside sliding downward.

"Snoke," he growled. He wished he could kill him again, savor the revenge, now knowing all of what his former master had done to him. Payment for the life Ren would have had without his influence. The man had infiltrated his mind, manipulated his perceptions, and driven him away from his family. How could Snoke have been so easily tricked in the throne room if he was capable of such things? And to what end?

Ren froze mid-step, suddenly reminded of something Yoda had told him on Dagobagh.

 _"Architect of our downfall, he was. Corruptor of Skywalkers, he is."_

"Palpatine," he murmured under his breath and sat down hard on a chair, his mind whirling like a cipher lock.

First, the Emperor had wanted Anakin, then Luke, even going to such lengths as consolidating empires and orchestrating wars to seek his aims. And what if, even after his failures, he had still been insistent on obtaining a Skywalker for the transfer of his consciousness? Would he go so far as to take up residence in an old, gnarled form to create new versions of the Empire and Sith Orders?

All to turn the last in the Skywalker line to his purposes.

His father had been right, quite literally, it seemed.

Empire and First Order. Sith and the Knights. Snoke and Palpatine. Different names, different means, but still all the same. And if Palpatine had escaped destruction on the Death Star, he could have survived the throne room as well.

 _"Skywalkers, exhausting are you."_

 ** _Yeah. Well, try being one._**

* * *

She had asked him to join her.

He groaned softly when he remembered how close he had been to telling her.

"How about you? What's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen?" she had asked.

Immediately his mind provided ample answers. Her skin awash in the blue glow of his family's saber, hair blowing wildly where it had come loose from her buns. The way her delicate features had been the picture of wonderment in the crystal caves. How her eyes had brightened with pride as she showed him her saber construct.

 ** _You_** , he had thought without hesitation, immediately clamping down his end of the bond before she heard.

It seemed impossible, and yet the way she had looked at him when she'd asked for help, asked for _him_... He chastised himself for playing it over and over, analyzing every word and pause like an obsessed adolescent with a crush and slouched down further into his chair. This was foolish and pointless. A few amicable conversations did not mean anything more than mere tolerance of their connection. How... _why_ would she possibly want anything further?

Traitorously, he recalled how flustered she had been when she'd seen him undressed. From her memories, he knew how her heart had thundered beneath her breast from both wanting to look and to not, how she couldn't quite think straight, wondering how it was possible for him to appear even larger without armor. She had looked at him as a man and not a monster.

There was a brush that tickled his shoulder and he scratched it absentmindedly through his tunic. When it continued unabated across his collarbone, he rolled his shoulder to shrug it off but the featherlight sensation turned up his neck, tracing the path along his scar. His hand froze where it had trailed behind as the feeling increased, now taking the form of the distinct press of fingers against skin.

 _Rey_ , he thought, his brow furrowing in confusion. _What is she-_

The thought was choked off as the touch ran down the center of his chest, abdomen, and then lower causing him to suck in a breath between his teeth. His hand gripped the armrest of his seat and his throat bobbed heavily as he swallowed with realization.

 ** _She's... she's doing this to herself._**

Touch had passed through the bond before. When the droid had worked on his scar, the sensation had woken her from sleep, the first signal of their connection. The second had been when he felt the Pratorean guard cut her arm, the lancing pain startling him until he realized it was just a glancing blow. She had felt him during his escape from the Order and he the physical fear she experienced upon learning the Knights were in active pursuit.

But this slow, sensual phantom touch trailing over his skin was entirely new. Ren pursed his lips and let out a long breath, one hand coming up to run through his hair. Shock and disbelief bloomed in equal measure and part of him demanded he say something, shout anything into their connection so she was aware he was present. Part of him froze, terrified that if he did anything she would be mortified, thinking that if he waited perhaps the bond would abruptly close on its own, as it sometimes did... but another part, quieter though somehow more insistent, was painfully curious. Why was the bond doing this?

He rarely engaged in the act of self-gratification. While it provided temporary stress relief, it left him feeling disgusted for giving in to his baser instincts. Rishlu was a creature driven by such things but he, the grandson of Darth Vader, was more. His soul had belonged to his family legacy, his body to the First Order. He was a tool, an extension of the will of Snoke, conditioned to distract himself from need and loneliness with violence and rage. Copulation was something the lesser animals couldn't resist. While Ren needed food and water, sex was not a necessity. But he had not been perfect. On the handful of occasions when he did give in, it was perfunctory and without imagination, his focus on getting it over with as quickly as possible. No one had ever touched him like this, let alone himself.

But right now he could close his eyes and easily imagine her small, dexterous hands on her own body, making herself feel what he was feeling now, and he found himself rapidly hardening. The pleasure that rose within him was familiar but different, more internalized but still the same slow tingling at the base of his spine that made it difficult to take in any more than shallow breaths.

The armrest creaked as his hold tightened, and he fought the growing urge to touch himself, uncertainty and arousal warring within him. What if she felt him as he felt her? He was certain it would not be welcome, that she would feel violated, forced to share this private moment with him.

But mostly, if he were honest, he just didn't want her to stop.

The cold leather of his chair was a relief as his head fell back, a flush rising up the pale skin of his neck as his breathing grew heavier. He wished he could see her, hair loosely fanned out as her lithe figure writhed slowly on the sheets of his bed, and hear wonderfully soft little noises. He wanted to be there to kneel at the edge of the bed, to remove her hands and bury his face between her thighs. Without thinking, he cupped himself firmly through his trousers, sighing at the minute relief it brought.

The steady heat building in his abdomen waned and he nearly panicked, thinking she had felt his own touch but then it returned, strong along with the new feeling of weight against him.

"Yes," he hissed in the silence of his ship, his eyes closing once more. Like this, it was almost as if she were here, her body straddled and flush against his. The armrest of the chair bent with his unconscious use of the Force, a poor substitute for actually having her body to pull against him. The knot coiling in his belly pulled impossibly tighter and he swore he could almost hear her breathy moan in his ears. The knot snapped loose, and he felt her come, her release sending phantoms waves through his body.

 _Ben._

And that had done it. He gasped out her name in the darkness as he came, and he sucked in several large breaths as his vision cleared, his body trembling with the aftershocks and adrenaline. It had never felt like that before, like an inferno in his blood, making him desperate and wanting, and yet content to feel that way.

And she had said his name. She had been thinking of him.

"Kriff," he whispered.

* * *

If it were possible to wear a path into the titanium grating on his ship, Ren was certain he would have.

He knew this was a possibility… why had he let himself stay on Jakku, on the other side of the galaxy from Nam Chorios? He would never get there in time to make a difference, even with his tanks topped off.

He hated this feeling, like his chest was caving in, like he couldn't breathe, and with nothing to direct this reckless energy toward.

He imagined every way he would tear them apart, every one of his Knights. He would crush Blirr's trachea until he was wheezing, drive his saber through Vemvoar's heart, press Chalissm's ribcage with the force until he heard it crack under his grip. He would bury Brot's own axe to the hilt in her chest. Esider's reflexes would not help him when he crushed him with his own armor.

And Rishlu Mohandai… his blood ran cold with the thought of him even touching Rey. He knew the depravity of that man, and regretted not killing him when he had the chance.

His fist clenched so tightly he could feel the blood trickle from the half-moon cuts into his palms.

Snoke would not have allowed it.

But no, he should have gotten rid of him and dealt with the fallout.

His lip curled as he felt the darkness rise within him and the metal around him started to creak, all the loose items rising in the air.

He would let the full force of his power crash over them. They would know what it meant to face a Skywalker across the battlefield with no restrictions, with no restraint.

They. Would. Know.

He thought of nothing else as he pulled his cloak over his shoulders and fit his gloves over his hands. If they took her, he would find them. He would hunt down every last one.

His murderous train of thought was interrupted by Rey, her words just a wavering breath as they whirled through his skull.

 _Ben, I'm sorry._

There was no mistaking her meaning and why.

Time slowed as the ship burned away from around him, the bond ripping open and knocking the wind from him with the strength of it. Immediately, his eyes found the flash of white against a dark sky, the fabric from her clothes fluttering behind her descent.

He stepped forward, barely registering the crunch of gravel under his feet, and his hand shot out, wrapping the Force around Rey just as she struck the water.

His attempt had slowed her fractionally but water still tried to tear her from his grasp. Ren pulled harder until Rey's body broke the surface, limbs limp and pale as the dark liquid trickled off to join the lake below.

He blinked, stunned as he glanced quickly around, seeing nothing but the barren landscape of Nam Chorios around him, his shaky exhale condensing in the air before him as he pulled her body on the shore and lowered her to the ground.

 ** _Rey! Rey, dammit, wake up!_**

Her lids opened when he gripped her chin, her eyes dull as her body began to shake violently, the first sign of hypothermia. He had to get her to shelter and warmth immediately.

"Can you walk?"

Her gaze slowly found his and her legs moved but they did nothing more than draw up as her shoulders hunched inward. He muttered a curse. They had even less time than he thought.

He wrapped her in his cloak to heft her into his arms, and after taking a moment to explain, started towards the wall of rock surrounding them. Concerning him almost as much as her worsening hypothermia was the flatness to Rey's usually expressive face, almost as if the fight always just under the surface had wilted away.

And it was fucking terrifying.

"Y-y-y-your shhhhhhhhip?" she asked, shaking him from his thoughts.

 **Don't have one. I got here through the bond.**

Her thoughts, though faint, still filtered through, a jumble of words indicating her confusion and disbelief. But really, they had done this- his train of though paused as he debated which branch in the cave system to take- though granted it had never before happened to this extent.

 **I was in that hut with you on Ahch-to. You came to me after my mother died.** He set her down behind a wall, checking to be sure it would shield them as he made an eyehole with his saber. **When it matters, we can.**

Turning his attention back to Rey, he pulled off his glove and pressed his fingers to the pulse at her carotid, becoming further alarmed by the feather-light fluttering beneath her skin. His stomach flipped with that foreign anxiety as he realized what would likely need to be done. But before he could explain and ask permission, she fell back, her head striking the wall behind her.

"Fuck!"

With her wet clothes, her body was leaching what little warmth she was able to produce. He needed to just do it; despite the discomfort it would bring them both. He worked quickly, ignoring it when his hand grazed patches of skin that before the other night, he'd never fathomed she would willingly let him touch.

 ** _Still probably not willingly, not really,_** he thought grimly, keeping his side of their mental connection closed as best he could.

Even more disturbingly, she seemed to not notice or care a bit about the fact he was stripping her naked. Not even in the hut, lost and feeling alone, had she been even remotely this despondent. This was not his Rey.

He reached out for her again to check her pulse, this time using his other hand to protect the back of her head. Suddenly her eyes found his, focusing for the first time since his arrival.

 _Don't leave me._

The vulnerability in her plea twisted something within him long-buried and upended it. He had destroyed so much in his life- wrecked the lives of those closest to him, hurt those that loved him. Just like Anakin.

 ** _I won't._**

 _I'm dying._

But this, _this_ he would get right.

 ** _No._**

Hoping she understood without him having to explain, he pulled off his tunic and scooped her up to pull her against him as quickly as possible. After a moment of no response, she leaned into him, her face turning into his chest as she continued to shake.

 **Kriffing hells.** A hiss escaped from behind his teeth when their skin touched though he was grateful for the distraction as he wrapped his forearms around her bare back and ignored the way she seemed to be rubbing her cheek into his shoulder.

 _My scar._

Years of training taught him to remain perfectly still, even under Snoke's torture, Luke's mind games, or the indifferent ministrations of a medical droid. And yet, her possessive thought managed to startle him in his already tense state.

He thought of it as hers as well, an outward representation of the equally deep marks she continued to leave within him.

His fingers ached with how tightly he kept them clenched, not even relaxing when her shaking slowed to just the occasional tremor.

"I killed him."

It was said so quietly, her lips barely moving against his skin, that he almost missed it and pulled back to looked down at her. She could not have meant one of the Knights...

"Who?"

"My father."

 ** _No. I saw him. His ship crashed._**

His lips moved to say just that when he felt her press her memories into his mind, scenes of her childhood until he saw her accidentally use the Force and destroy the ship. He knew she expected his shock or dismay, but all he felt was anger. Though his parents had been emotionally neglectful, they had never struck him, they had never subjected him to such random, pointless violence. Unlike him, she had no cause to feel guilt or remorse over a father's death.

 ** _He deserved it._**

Breathing in deeply, he shoved away his usual impulses. They were not what she needed, nor wanted, to hear at the moment. But still, he would not lie.

"You didn't know that would happen. You only wanted him to stay."

A heartbeat passed before he felt her face press harder into his shoulder. A string of curses ran through his mind while he tried to think of something to say but eloquence had never been his strength and his mouth opened and closed uselessly. Her shoulders shook with her tears, the movement something she apparently tried to suppress, and he hesitantly opened his palms, allowing his wrists and hands to curve around her sides. His fingers slotted into the spaces of her ribs, their tips pressing into her flesh as he tightened his hold on her and he dared turn his chin to her temple.

A second later, she moved away, and he was just about to drop his hold and apologize when her arms emerged from coverage of the cloak, sliding up his chest and wrapping around his neck. He nearly choked when she shifted in his lap to more fully face him, and pressed her breasts against his chest and her face into his neck in a tight embrace.

It felt... he couldn't quite pin down all the emotions as they merged with one another. Affection, arousal, peace, and anxiety... it all felt profound, his world shattering and realigning all at once.

He would never again fight for the Jedi, the Resistance, the Order, or the Sith.

But for this strange woman the Force had thrown into his path to derail his entire existence.

He would fight for her.

He would fight for them, together.


	30. Chapter 30

With Ben by her side, Rey leaned back against the earthen levee, staring blankly as dawn broke over the lake. Darth Sidious was alive, collecting Force-sensitive children, controlling one if not all the Knights of Ren, and intent on finding her to possess her or take back the power of the Eremite... a power she had somehow stolen before she was even a sentient being.

 _Scavenger from the very start, it seems._

"I have to return it," she said suddenly, jumping to her feet.

Ben looked up at her, his arm raised as if to hold her in place. "Wait, what are you talking about?"

"The Eremite's power. Maybe we can find him and return it. This power is not mine. Maybe that's why things have gone so wrong for so long..."

Her voice trailed off as he slowly shook his head and rose to his feet. "Rey..."

A foreboding weight descended on her shoulders at the firm expression on his face and she rushed to interrupt before he could say anything further. "If we can get the power where it belongs, he can return, as you said."

" _She_ has already returned," he countered softly but with emphasis. "Rey, there's not a body under the sands of Jakku waiting to be resurrected. It's you. You have control of the dark and the light side of the Force, you caused the Awakening across the galaxy. You are the Eremite returned. You are the One. "

Rey pressed her thumb and middle finger to her temples, her mind spinning. It wasn't true… it could not be true… at least not…

She lifted her free hand. "Just give me a moment, Ben, please."

He nodded and stood quietly while she worked through his words until she found what was bothering her. "Ben," she said, dropping her hands. " _I_ didn't cause the awakening."

He frowned, his head starting to shake back and forth. "Of course you-"

"It might have been me that triggered it, but you caused it. When you entered my mind." She paused, her voice dropping as she looked off over the lake. "And I entered yours."

He shook his head, argument already forming. "It's not me, Rey. I'm not the-"

She barely heard his words, her heart starting to race.

"Ben," she interrupted gently and lifted her eyes to his. "What if we both are?"

He went quiet, his brow furrowing and his body becoming frightfully still. Rey barreled on, her voice growing higher in rate and pitch. "This all started on Starkiller base, in that room. The Awakening, the Bond. And I knew you before, you were in my dreams and in my nightmares. I saw you and you saw me long before. If I am the Eremite returned and you are the Last of the Skywalker line..." She reached out, gripping his hand. "Come, I have something to show you."

He said nothing but returned her tense grip as she pulled him over the pebbled sand and up to her room. She only released him to scramble underneath her bed, and pull out the texts from their storage. Sweaty, with the grit from their battle clinging to her skin, she knew she must look like a madwoman, rifling through the books until she came to the one she sought.

"Here," she said, pressing it into his hands as she blew an errant strand of hair out of her face. Ben's eyes widened as his fingers curled around the delicate book, his gaze locked on the figure on the front.

"Can you read it?" she asked impatiently, opening the cover to point to the ornately written pages.

He squinted, tilting his head and holding the book out. "It's a variation on the Sith language but much older, I think. There is some embellishment by the author that make it difficult to be certain but I recognize some words and could likely figure out the rest…"

"Teach me."

"Teach you?" he asked, turning to look at her, brow raised almost comically high. "A whole new language? Right now?"

Rey pursed her lips and raised her own brow in challenge, taking the book back from him and holding it tightly against her chest. He sighed in mild exasperation.

"Fine, we'll need…" he mumbled, turning to look about her room and froze. "Rey. Where did you get that?"

"Hmm?" She glanced up from where she had again opened the book to see him lifting the small box from her nightstand. The box she had taken from his hut.

 _Oh. Damn._

"I, uh… on Yavin 4. From the settlement."

"From my room, you mean," he corrected and popped open the lid.

"What is it?" she asked, her curiosity getting the better of her. She had dragged that thing across the universe and couldn't pass up the chance to get an answer.

He looked up at her, his expression surprised. "You took it and didn't even know what it was?"

"I liked the look of it," she replied defensively.

"Scavenger," he japed with a soft laugh as the corner of his mouth lifted.

Rey swallowed, feeling the fondness emanating from him, their bond open enough that while she could not hear his thoughts, his emotions were quite distinct.

He cleared his throat and looked down, lifting one of the pieces within. "It's a calligraphy set. The style of writing in that book was done with something similar. I used to practice during my studies at the temple." His eyes clouded and he placed the cylinder back inside. "Master Solusar introduced me to it. Gave me this set, actually."

Rey didn't need their connection to know he was remembering the night at the temple and his final moments with one of his Masters.

"I met her," she said, trying to distract him. "She seemed quite kind."

His face scrunched slightly and he nodded, setting the box back on her nightstand. "She was," he said quietly.

They stood in silence, Rey watching him, Ben watching the box though his mind was far away.

"I remember everything now," he said finally. "There are so many... I've yet to find a recollection of my childhood that wasn't altered in some way."

She took a step towards him, uncertain of what to say. She had only a hint of that experience, thinking her parents were loving and going to return for her only to find out they would not. She suspected that finding out the opposite, that one's family was loving and good only when it was too late to do anything about it after years of pushing them away could be worse.

"If who we are is an amalgamation of our memories and experiences and most of mine are false, who does that make me?" His gaze left the box to meet hers and Rey felt her heart clench at how lost he looked, almost as if she was again in his memories and staring at his fifteen-year-old self.

" _You_ are Ben Solo." She reached up, pressing her palm against his scarred cheek. "And from now on, _you_ get to choose."

He leaned into her touch, his eyes not leaving hers, the intensity of the intimacy between them rattling her and she brought her hand down and stepped away, clearing her throat. "But perhaps we should rest before attempting to translate that text. Best not to risk making an error."

He ran one large hand through his hair and nodded, stepping back into her doorway. "Yeah, sleep first for a few hours, then we'll train. Afterward, we'll work on the translation."

She made a noise of confirmation, before reaching for the box he had set down.

"Oh, you should take this. They're yours. I don't even know how to use them."

"Keep them. I'll show you."

Rey nodded and pulled the box back to herself, holding it to her chest. She waited until he pulled her door shut to collapse backward onto her bed, staring up at her ceiling until her exhaustion claimed her.

She awoke to the sunlight trickling in through the trees and her window, its position telling her it was late morning, possibly pushing into the afternoon. She stretched, extending her arms over her head and flexing her toes into points. The bed was abnormally large for what she assumed to be a generic padawan bed and she amused herself by considering if there had ever been any Hutt Jedi. Perhaps she was in one of the former master's rooms.

The smile dropped from her face when she recalled all Ben had told her during the previous night, his voice gravelly and low over the gentle lapping of the water in the lake nearby, and her head spun. An enemy his family had been fighting for three generations, her being the Eremite of Jakuu, that he had a sister and niece. A tiny bit of jealousy had flared in her breast with that information - family he had not even been looking for had sought him out. And the girl's mother wanted Rey to teach her.

Rey sat up in the bed, a frown forming on her face. She had not the first clue what to do with that information and pushed it out of her mind, a problem for another day.

With one final stretch, she rose from the bed and dressed, sliding her feet into her boots. Ben was waiting in the abandoned hall, her blaster - his father's blaster - positioned on the rock next to him.

"Stasis," he began, "is a variation on lifting and controlling objects. It can neutralize an enemy, freeze a projectile, and even stop the plasma of a blaster bolt. Your mastery is imperative."

A stone lifted at his side and rushed towards her. Instinctively, she deflected it to the side.

"No, Rey. Hold it, stop it," he admonished, lifting another. This time she gripped it with the Force, the rock stuttering to a stop.

"Again."

Over and over, they repeated the exercise, Rey switching sides, making sure she was adept with both hands until it would come to a cold stop. Each time, he put more of his will behind it, the stop becoming more and more difficult, and yet, her control became increasingly precise.

"Good," he murmured and reached for the blaster. "I'll aim just above your head. Do you trust me to do this?"

Rey licked her lips, her instincts making her uneasy when anyone held a blaster to her person but nodded. Ben lifted his arm, firing the first shot and she tried to hold it with the Force, just as she had done with the rocks, but it shredded through her attempt and blew out some of the stone behind her.

She looked back at the stone then back to Ben. "How am I supposed to hold on to that? Plasma bolts are nearly pure energy. There's nothing there."

"Nearly nothing," he corrected and walked up to her, turning the blaster in his grip so that the handle now faced her. When she did not grab it, he held it higher, his expression mildly impatient.

"You want me to shoot you?" she asked flatly as she took it from his hand and he stalked back to his previous position.

"Obviously," he called over his shoulder and missed the face she made at his back.

Rey sighed, checking the blaster out of habit. "Where do you want me to aim?"

He shrugged as he turned around. "Wherever you want."

Chewing on the inside of her cheek, she lifted the blaster, directing the strike toward his left shoulder, his off-hand, just in case things should go poorly, and squeezed the trigger. The red beam had barely left the barrel when it froze, hissing angrily in the air as if it were indignant at being denied a target. Rey walked to the side, and lifted her hand, feeling the wall of the Force he'd thrown around the entirety of it. Solid and impenetrable, so unlike the tightly bound net she had cast over the rocks that had been sufficient for her cause.

 _Like armor,_ she mused and wondered if a person wrapped themselves up in something similar whether or not they could survive being spaced. Ben moved his hand upward, releasing the bolt and it pinged through the collapsed wall, knocking loose some debris on its exit.

Rey scrunched up her nose at the destruction as she returned the blaster. "Could we do this outside? I hate the idea of damaging this place even further."

"Consider it motivation."

She rolled her eyes and thought of the statue garden that was on the way back to the Falcon, realizing she would rather knock these rocks loose than damage those anyway.

"Who was Revan?" she asked suddenly.

Ben's brow furrowed in confusion.

"In the garden outside, I saw a statue of him when I went to get my things."

"Ah," he said, face relaxing with understanding. "He was a Jedi Knight in the Old Republic - nearly four thousand years ago. Revan joined the Mandalorian War against the Jedi Council's wishes, fracturing off with several others who felt the same. By the end of the war all had fallen, Revan, further and farther than any of the others. He and his apprentice, Malak, created the first Empire, fueling the first Jedi Civil War, but Malak usurped Revan by firing on his ship during a battle with the Jedi. Broken and gravely injured, Revan was found by Bastilla Shan-"

"Bastilla Shan," repeated Rey. "She was gifted with battle meditation. Solusar mentioned her."

"Yes, I imagine she would have," he sighed and leaned against one of the sturdier pillars. "Master Solusar was our archivist. She worked closely with Luke to locate the Jedi texts and helped to restore many of the damaged ones. That's why she was interested in calligraphy. When I wasn't training, I spent much of my time in the library and she recruited me to help. Bastilla Shan was a favorite of hers."

"And you? Did you have a favorite?"

He raised a brow. "Do you want to hear the rest of the story or not?"

Rey shot him an unimpressed look but relented, having a feeling he had revealed more of himself in the past few days than he had in years.

"Shan took Revan to the Council. They wiped his memories and sent him off with her to find and defeat Malak. But Malak eventually captured Shan and turned her to the Dark side. Revan learned what the Council had done to him and nearly fell again, but instead, he chose to save Shan. Together they defeated Malak."

"He saved her? Even though she lied to him and destroyed his memories?"

Ren shifted, looking uncomfortable. "They had a Force bond. It formed when she healed him with the Force before they went to the Council. He loved her, forgave her, and after Malak was defeated, they married."

Rey swallowed thickly, ignoring how the tale suddenly felt too real, too close. "The Jedi allowed it?"

Ben scoffed, though somehow she knew his derision was not directed at her. "Of course not. It was all done in secret. Can't have a good little soldier's priorities on anything other than the preservation of the Jedi way."

"But love, their love, is what saved her. What saved them both."

His eyes fell back to the blaster in his hand and he nodded, his chest rising in a large inhale before his attention snapped back to her. "Come on, your turn," he said gesturing for her to resume her position away from him on the other side of the room.

It took hours and two recharged ammo packs until she was able to stop the bolt to his satisfaction, though parts of it still seemed to bleed through her hold.

"You'll need more practice to perfect it, but that is sufficient to save your life."

With a grunt, she released the shot, directing it to a hole in the roof and noticed the dimming of the light above. "Translation?" she asked eagerly, hoping that had been enough for the day. She was thirsty and her temples ached with the strain of her efforts.

"Just one more thing," he replied putting the blaster down. "Try to restrain me."

Rey certainly hoped the sudden heat on her face would be taken for exertion as she schooled her features into the most nonchalant one she could manage. "Pardon?"

He frowned at her from across the room. "Using stasis on non-Force users is easy, just like the rocks. They are inert things, with no power or will to oppose you. Someone like us is another matter entirely." He unclipped his saber and set it next to the blaster before turning to face her fully. "Now, stop me." He walked towards her, his steps steady and sure. Her heart gave an odd thump and she reached out to stop him but he batted it away and she scurried back to put more space between them while pressing the Force harder around his body. He slowed, appearing to Rey as if he were walking up a poorly packed sand dune instead of level floor, the line of his jaw tightening and she took the opportunity to circle away from him.

His shoulders jerked, shoving off her hold, and he increased his pace, causing Rey to strike out with a Force push.

"Stasis, Rey!" he snapped when her effort slammed into his shoulder, sending him back a few steps and shook off her next two tries before breaking into a run. Quickly, Rey assessed she could get off two more half-hearted attempts before he was upon her and instead chose to gather the Force around her, draining it from the Vortex to pool at her feet. His shadow had just fallen over her when she shoved her arms forward to pull the Force up and envelope his body. One of his arms, extended over her shoulder, trembled with his effort to cast her off and she looked up, fascinated as the tendons in his neck corded in long lines to connect to the hollow of his throat. A slight darkening along his jaw told her he had shaved that day and she wondered what he would look like with facial hair.

She blinked and was surprised to find her palms pressing lightly into his tunic. This one was lighter than the quilted one she was used to seeing him wear, thin enough to feel the warmth of his skin seep through to her palm and rise with his breath. Her fingers flexed as if of their own accord, nails indenting his shirt, and though she felt the heartbeat underneath rise to meet them, the tension in his arm by her ear relaxed.

 _He wants to see what you are going to do._

She breathed out more forcefully than necessary, her breath stirring against his neck and the thin sheen of perspiration, watching as the skin pebbled up. It felt powerful to touch him like this and see him respond, to hold him there, and for him to let her... she wanted…

And then she felt the Force drop like suspended rain and he stepped away, his head shaking.

"You shouldn't have let me get so close."

"I can handle it."

His eyes narrowed and she had the distinct impression they were both wondering if there were further meaning behind the other's words.

"That's enough for now if we want to get any of the text translated tonight," he said and cleared his throat when it came out like a rasp.

"Right," confirmed Rey, proud that her voice came out only minimally strained. "I'll grab the book...Where should I meet you?" she called at his back as he walked out of the room.

"My room," he answered over his shoulder, as his form disappeared down the hallway.

"Right," Rey repeated under her breath, thinking of the path he took and where he disappeared to in the evenings. "Your room."

She made her way to the lavatories and showered off flecks of stone and the lingering burnt smell of blaster fire before making her way to Ben's room.

Rapping her knuckles against his door, she suppressed a jump when it opened almost immediately and she found herself staring into Ben's chest. He moved aside to let her in and she caught a whiff of soap and noticed his pants were looser fitting and of softer material - different from the armor-like clothing he usually wore.

 _He must have found clothing to fit him._

The room was similar to hers, with a desk pushed toward the center, a small black bottle and a stack of parchment on its surface. A chair was on either side of the desk, with a chest for storage in the corner, and she turned, looking for-

"Where are you sleeping?" she asked, stopping at the desk to peer behind it.

"There."

She followed the direction he indicated, back toward the wall that contained the door, her brows raising at the thin palette arranged on the floor.

"I thought you said the bedrooms were in 'good condition'. There's no bed."

He started to answer, his expression mildly guilty as he took a seat behind the desk. "Technically, this one is in good condition... compared to the others."

She glared at him and he shrugged. "The others don't have a roof."

"You're thirty, you can't sleep on the floor."

His returning scowl conveyed an almost comic level of offense.

"I'm _almost_ thirty, and even if I were, I am not decrepit."

"Well, I'm...twenty? Maybe?" she replied and sat opposite him, placing the calligraphy set down. "And I hurt just thinking about sleeping on the floor. Even on Jakku, I had a hammock" His hand froze as he reached for the text and he put it down, giving her his full attention.

"You don't know how old you are?"

"I have a vague idea, but to any degree of certainty, no, not really."

"You don't know when your birthday is?"

Rey felt herself bristle self-consciously in that way she did when ignorant of something the rest of the universe expected her to know.

"I believe that would be the definition of 'any degree of certainty'," she snapped, scowling right back at him. "Anyway, you can't sleep on the floor."

"I'm not sleeping on the Falcon," he muttered darkly and reached back out for the book, sighing when she continued to hold it. "I've slept on worse for much longer. I don't sleep well anyway, regardless of comfort."

She glanced over him from head to toe, her mind providing an absurd, absolutely ridiculous solution that she would be mad to vocalize and so she let the matter drop, handing over the text.

He showed her the correct way to hold and ink the pens, how to rotate the tip to drag along the paper to thicken or narrow the stroke as needed. She found herself staring at his hands more than once before she finally angled her chair away from them and focused on writing down all the unique symbols she could see on her page. They switched paper after an hour or so and Ben started to fill in the ones he recognized before they moved on to repeat the process on the next page, each turn going more quickly as the new symbols became fewer and fewer. They exchanged only a few words to confer on some of the more similar symbols, and only rose to retrieve a holo lamp when it became too dark to continue without it.

As they neared the last page, her work was starting to blur, her fatigue increasing exponentially with every passing minute as her truncated sleep from the previous night caught up with her. She hated leaving work unfinished, but she was more likely to make an error at this point and a language key was essential to correctly interpret the meaning behind the pretty markings.

"You're exhausted."

She huffed a humorless laugh. "Do I look that poorly?"

He sat up straighter, almost recoiling from her. "What? No, I didn't mean- You look like you always do."

"Thanks for that," she muttered, her thoughts from when she sat in the dreamscape of Naboo resurfacing.

He stopped and seemed to recenter himself. "I only mean, I can feel it. You look-" he paused, his gaze skimming quickly over her face, "-fine."

She forced a tight smile and rose, lifting her parchment. Ben took the paper from her hand, his fingers brushing hers.

"Goodnight, Ben."

His head dropped in a single nod.

She was still flexing her fingers as she made her way to her room after her night ablutions and opened her drawers to pull out the thin sleepwear she was given on Rori by the Resistance.

 _Regulation sleepwear - the nicest article of clothing I own,_ she thought blandly as she rubbed the soft material between her fingers and figured the nights were just warm enough on this planet to wear them.

Changing quickly and pulling the tie from her hair, she slid under the thin covers, appreciating the coolness of the sheets through the opening at the back of her sleepwear and her eyes fell on her saber on the nightstand, her mouth curving in a soft smile.

Though she could appreciate the comfort of a cushioned bed and the soft, slippery feel of fine fabrics, the universe could keep its other meaningless, sparkling jewels.

She had a kyber crystal. She had the Force.

And she was not alone.


End file.
